DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I used to be very close until she moved back home to take care of her ailing mother (who has since died). Honestly, she seems stuck. She is of retirement age, though she still needs to work, so she does odd jobs here and there.

Whenever I talk to my friend, I hear the same things over and over. She lives in the past. I want to be there for her, but I am so exhausted by hearing the same old stories. What’s worse is that she doesn’t listen well. So if I attempt to tell her about my day or tell her a story about something that happened, she listens for places to insert her old stories and jumps in without letting me complete a thought. It is annoying. Part of me wants to distance myself. Another part says I should tell her she’s bothering me rather than abandon her. I’m one of the only people she talks to. What do you recommend? -- Clingy Friend

DEAR CLINGY FRIEND: The compassionate choice would be to have a heart-to-heart talk with her, preferably in person. Express your gratitude for reconnecting with her now that she is back home. Tell her you know how hard it has been for her to reacclimate, especially after her mother’s passing. Note that you enjoy talking to her, but that recently it has gotten hard. Then tell her why: She doesn’t listen well, so it doesn’t feel good when you are having a conversation, and she interrupts you all the time to insert her thoughts. Ask her to try to participate when talking to you rather than taking over the conversation. Ultimately, you may also have to limit your chats with her, but at least telling her this may help her to make an effort to listen more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker borrowed $1,000 from me last year because she was in a bind. When I loaned it to her, we made a clear agreement that she would pay me back with monthly payments of $100 until it is paid off. For the first couple of months, she honored that agreement, but for the past three months, she has given me nothing. When I have brought it up, she shrugs and says she doesn’t have it. But I see her going out for lunch and spending money on other things. I feel used. Can I tell my boss about this? What should I do? -- Repay a Loan

DEAR REPAY A LOAN: This was a deal between you and your co-worker, not your boss. Leave the boss out of it. But make it clear to your co-worker that you do not appreciate your trust being broken. Tell her that you loaned that money out of the goodness of your heart. Point out that you are not made of money. You can threaten to tell human resources, though you shouldn’t do it. The threat may get your co-worker to pay up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: There has been a lot of growing tension amongst my family members. My family is normally easygoing and eccentric; however, lately things have been a bit toned down. One such incident that sparked this awkward tension is when my uncle openly stated his conservative political views. He made some pretty extreme comments to my aunts, who are all liberal. They had a huge fight, which led to screaming at the top of their lungs. Thankfully, the argument subsided after a while, but afterward, they have been talking less frequently. What can they do so that they can carry on the bond they once had and settle their differences? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: When family members disagree about politics, it can certainly cause a rift if and when they choose to talk about it. Since your uncle’s beliefs have been revealed to the family, you cannot take that knowledge away. What you can do is speak to everyone and suggest that you call a truce. In our country, one amazing reality is that we have the right to have individual opinions and to voice them, no matter where we are or what family we belong to. The freedom of speech is a precious right that all Americans are granted.

That said, you need to decide how you want to exercise that right. You can choose to engage in arguments whenever you are with people of differing opinions to try to get them to convert to your way of thinking. Or you can agree to disagree and decide to table political discussions when family gathers. This latter idea can help to keep the peace. It doesn’t mean that you are acquiescing. It means that you can all agree to avoid political discussions to keep things civil.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at a cocktail party recently, and a woman I was talking to sneezed. She needed to blow her nose, so I immediately handed her a handkerchief that I had in my pocket. She was very grateful, as this helped her in an otherwise awkward moment. My question is, what should happen to the handkerchief now? Is that just the cost of having good manners -- sometimes you have to give up a perfectly good new handkerchief and not get it back? -- Rules of Engagement

DEAR RULES OF ENGAGEMENT: It was gracious of you to share your handkerchief with that woman. And yes, your assumption should be that you will not get the handkerchief back. It would have been unhygienic for her to hand it back to you after blowing her nose. Since you didn’t know her, there would be no way for her to find you to return it.

On the flip side, if you ever do lend your handkerchief to someone you know, there’s a chance the person may return it to you when cleaned, but I wouldn’t count on it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Even though I am a college student, I still live with my mother; it’s much cheaper than living in a dorm. I may be an adult, but every time I go out, I have to tell my mom where I am going. If I am out planning on being out late, I have to tell her how long I will be. Whenever it is dark out, my mom picks me up by my bus stop.

Recently, I have been telling my mom that I want to move out, mostly since I feel bad that she feels she has to take care of me. Plus, I have to contact my mother about my every move, and it feels like I have no privacy or freedom.

I love my mom, but I feel like she is a bit overbearing. I want her to trust me to be independent, but I don’t want her to think I am mad at her. How do I tell my mom that I am responsible for myself and that she shouldn’t baby me? -- Mom’s Little Girl

DEAR MOM’S LITTLE GIRL: The cost of living at home with your mom is following her rules. It is in her DNA to worry about her daughter. I remember when I used to come home to visit my family as a young adult. Even then, my mother would stay up until I got home from wherever I was. At first I was frustrated and angry at her for trying to control me, then I took some time to think about it. While under her care, I became her little girl again. She could not rest without knowing my whereabouts. That’s the deal with motherhood.

So, you need to accept that while you live with your mother, you have to keep her updated. You can remind her that you are becoming a woman and need to be independent. You can ask to establish guidelines for coming and going that may put her at ease. But ultimately, this will not change much until you have your own place.

DEAR HARRIETTE: THE IRS has been breathing down our necks for some time now because my husband has neglected doing his taxes for years. I have begged him to get on it. I reminded him of that saying that the only constants in life are death and taxes. He scoffs at all of it.

Now the IRS is threatening to garnish his wages if he does not comply. I haven’t worked for years, so all of the financial responsibility in our family is on him. I have offered to help him get his papers together, but he refuses. I am afraid that if he doesn’t do the paperwork, we will lose everything. If his wages are garnished, we won’t be able to pay our rent or anything. How can I get him to take this seriously? -- Do Your Taxes

DEAR DO YOUR TAXES: Sit down with your husband, and lay out your worries. Tell him that you will do anything you can to help him to get your taxes in order. Remind him of the threat that you have received. In case he doesn’t know, tell him that not only can the IRS garnish his wages, they also can put him in jail. Nag him every day. Look through his papers yourself, and try to sort things out. Since it is not just his taxes but yours as well, you have every right to intervene.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)