DEAR HARRIETTE: When my friend was in elementary school, there was this boy in my class who would constantly harass her. His bullying was so severe she was almost always crying and would ditch weeks of school just to avoid him.

This was over 10 years ago. Now she is an adult and has completely moved on. She is doing much better. She has a good-paying job and a large group of friends. However, recently, her bully messaged her asking if she wanted to meet up with him and “catch up.” She called me in hysterics, and it left me at a loss for words. I told her not to respond if it made her uncomfortable. Now she has been getting constant messages from him, and she is unsure of his intentions. Any tips? -- What To Do

DEAR WHAT TO DO: Your friend should face this guy from a position of strength. There is a good chance that he is reaching out to make amends, meaning to apologize for his behavior in the past and to attempt to make things right between them. This is not to say that she should make space to welcome him into her life. She can be crystal-clear with him about how she feels -- including that she does not want him to contact her anymore.

If she agrees to meet up with him, it should be in a public space during daylight hours. If she feels more comfortable with someone accompanying her, that’s fine, too. She should be in control of the meeting. She can give him a moment to explain why he has resurfaced and ask him directly what he wants. She should let him know that she has no interest in speaking with him anymore. He was rude, disrespectful and mean to her when they were in elementary school, and she has no interest in establishing any type of relationship with him now. If he asks for forgiveness, I recommend that she agrees to that. It will help to soothe her conscience. To forgive is not to forget, but it can clear the air.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband goes on and on about aliens, saying that they are living among us. Now there is a cable channel devoted to them, and he is even more passionate in his arguments -- though, honestly, they seem nuts. When we are hanging with friends and he starts in about aliens, I cringe; I can see that most of my friends don’t want to hear it. How can I get him to tone down this talk? It’s embarrassing in public and overbearing in private. -- No More Aliens

DEAR NO MORE ALIENS: When it’s just the two of you, you can excuse yourself from the conversation. If he wants to know why, tell him that you are not interested in the subject and that it bothers you how obsessed he is. You may want to add the recommendation that he curb his enthusiasm about aliens when you’re hanging out with friends. Suggest that he notice how people react when he goes on and on. As with any other obsessive conversation, people typically don’t want to be held hostage listening to it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father passed away when I was 14 years old. Many think that it was traumatic, and it was, but I never had a great relationship with my father, so I hid my grief. My dad was negligent and abusive to me. There was never a day when he and I didn’t fight. He never fed me, bought me new clothes or took me to my dance rehearsals. My father also didn’t leave behind a will, so I did not inherit any money from him. So in short, I never had a close or loving relationship with my father. However, recently I have been having pains in my chest. It is hard for me to say, but I miss my father. Even though he did so many horrible things to my mother and me, I still miss him. Is it normal to feel this way? -- Daddy Issues

DEAR DADDY ISSUES: Grief presents itself at different times in people’s lives, often in a delayed manner -- especially for people who had unresolved issues with loved ones before they died. It is normal for you to have conflicting feelings rising up about your dad. Yes, it makes sense that you could miss your father and experience deep love for him even though he hurt your feelings. He was your dad.

Talk to your mother about what’s happening to you. Since you are having physical pains associated with your emotions, it might be worth it for you to talk to a grief counselor. Perhaps your mother can arrange for this through your insurance, or you can speak to a guidance counselor at school to find out if you can get support through them during this time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has an old college friend who has come back into the picture. She is very nice, but I also find her a bit clingy. She is single, and she is constantly asking him to fix her up on dates.

My husband is in his 60s, and we’ve been married for many years. He is hardly on the dating scene. Sometimes I wonder if she is trying to steal his attention. She makes me uncomfortable. At the same time, my husband seems to be happy checking in on her from time to time. They go out for drinks and have gone to a museum. I went with them once, but it wasn’t fun for me. What can I do to ensure that this woman doesn’t try to muscle in on my man? -- Jealous

DEAR JEALOUS: There’s a saying about keeping your enemies close. While she may not really be an enemy, she is a lonely woman. Rather than encouraging or even condoning drinks with her, invite her to join you guys at home for dinner and drinks. Create comfortable opportunities for all three of you to be together. You can get to know her. You can welcome her into your home and make it clear what your life is like while also creating space for your husband to enjoy time with his old friend without too much space for her to make a move, if she is so inclined.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend I have known for ages. I considered her to be family. There was an incident, however, that changed it all. One day, my friend and I went to a convenience store to pick up a few things. I asked her if she wanted anything -- even told her that I would pay -- but she declined. So I purchased my items and left the store.

When we were a block away from the store, she pulled out several candy bars. I was shocked. I asked her if she had purchased them, and she said, “I stole them.” I told her to go back and return the candy, but she wouldn’t listen to me. She’s done it numerous times since. I was, and still am, disgusted by her actions.

My biggest problem is that my other friends do not know her bad habits. I want to tell them because I do not trust going anywhere with her after she pulled that stunt, but I worry that they would think I am snitching on her. She is my good friend, but I have a lingering fear of what kind of trouble she could face if she gets caught. Do my other friends have a right to know? -- Speechless

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Arrange a face-to-face meeting with your friend. Tell her you don’t trust her anymore. Ask her why she steals. Tell her you are concerned that she will steal again while with you or with mutual friends, and that that is unacceptable. Point out that you can be considered an accessory if she is caught while you are together. Suggest that she get help to deal with her desire to steal. Tell her you think your mutual friends need to know and that you plan to tell them unless she would like to speak to them first. Give her the courtesy of letting her know your plans.

Let your friends know what happened, that you have told her of your intention to talk to them and of your desire to support her as she works through this problem. You may want to avoid going to places where she might steal if you continue to distrust her. For more ideas on handling this difficult situation, visit adv4life.com/article/what-to-do-if-your-friend-shoplifts.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just started liking a boy who likes her back. They have talked on the phone a few times, but recently I learned that one of her best friends has started dating this boy. From what I can gather, this friend started moving in on him after she learned that he and my daughter were talking. How awful. I feel so bad for my daughter, but I’m not sure what to do. I feel like she has to work through this on her own, but as her mother, I hate to see her hurting. SOS! -- Betrayed Daughter

DEAR BETRAYED DAUGHTER: Be a sounding board for your daughter. Give advice only if she asks for it. There is no simple solution. She can confront her friend. She can see how it plays out with the boy -- see who he chooses. When she is ready to talk about it, you can point out that she should be mindful of any friend who would intentionally try to steal a “boyfriend” from her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)