life

Reader Explodes in Anger Over Small Slight

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 29th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a week ago, I invited a friend of mine to hang out with me. We planned the day out and everything. Then, completely last-minute, my friend canceled on me. At that point, I don’t know what became of me; I exploded. I was so angry for no apparent reason and said some nasty stuff to my friend. I realized my mistake and apologized immediately. Luckily, we are still good friends, but I don’t know why I would get so angry over nothing. I am scared that I might not be able to control my anger in the future. What can I do so that I won’t explode again? -- Super Angry

DEAR SUPER ANGRY: Before you beat yourself up, take a moment to review what happened. You and your friend planned a day together. It’s not like you planned something and forced it on the person. What was your friend’s reason for canceling? Did it sound valid to you? Or do you feel that your friend blew you off?

Clearly you were looking forward to getting together with this person. It hurt your feelings that your special day was dashed. Perhaps it was extreme to go off on your friend, but it sounds like it is not without some cause. You were disappointed.

Yes, it is good to control your emotions, but I wouldn’t be so fast to convince yourself that you got angry “for nothing.” Being dumped for the day is something. Acknowledge that and accept that it is natural for you to be disappointed, if not also upset. In the future, you can decide not to retaliate in the moment with venomous words. But it is OK to let a person know that you don’t appreciate the change in plans at the last minute, especially if the reason doesn’t seem legitimate.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 29, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 29th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends may be into me, and I don’t know what to do. I have been friends with him for over a year, and we are pretty close. We have a lot in common, and whenever you see us, chances are, we are dying laughing in a corner. He is a great friend. He always offers to pay whenever we go out. He is the person I go to whenever I have a problem. He is my best friend, and I want it to stay that way. However, lately he acts a bit too close. I don’t want to ruin the friendship that we have. What do I do to tell my friend that we should stay friends? -- Friend Zoned

DEAR FRIEND ZONED: I think you should step out of your comfort zone and see what happens if you let your guard down. You can tell your friend how much you appreciate him and want to ensure that your friendship endures. You can admit that you are skittish about going to the next level because you don’t want to risk the bond that you treasure. Talk to him about your trepidation. See where his mind is. You may want to agree to see what happens if you date. He could turn out to be your best friend AND soulmate. Isn’t that worth a try?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Feels Behind in Career Trajectory

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 28th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I constantly feel like I am behind the eight ball. I had a robust career that ended some years ago when my industry began to tank. I have worked independently since then on a variety of projects. From the outside, I look successful, but my bank account tells a different story. Plus, I keep seeing people in my field who seem to be prosperous trying out new technology or aligning with big brands while I seem to be scrambling for crumbs. I am beginning to feel like there’s no more room for me and my talents and creativity. But I’m still in my 50s and have a family. I have to keep working, but I’m not sure what to do to reinvent myself. I don’t want to give up, but I need some guidance. -- Second Act

DEAR SECOND ACT: Do not despair. You are not alone. In fact, statistics show that there are more seniors than 18-year-olds in the United States. This is a time when our mature population should be valued more, and there are organizations out there that are trying to make that happen. Open your eyes to the possibilities for people in your age group with your skills. Polish your resume, and highlight the things that you have excelled at over the years. Stop worrying about your contemporaries, and look for opportunities that feel right for you.

You must also work on your mindset. If you are feeling down, you will not attract the bounty that you want and deserve. To change your attitude, you can exercise more, drink a lot of water, choose to think positive thoughts, surround yourself with people you love who are supportive of you, and seek professional help if you need it.

When you look for jobs, you can go to various online job boards, but be sure to narrow your search based on your skills and abilities. Look for sites that specialize in your field, or go to jobs.aarp.org to check out a job board for older people that might have leads for you. For ideas on how to reinvent yourself, go to bit.ly/REINVENTSS.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 28, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 28th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been making many friends recently. A couple of days ago, I befriended a guy, and we hit it off. We had many things in common, and we talked for hours. However, there were some red flags that were going off when I was around him. He would make me uncomfortable and touch me in places I didn’t want to be touched. I told him to keep his hands off, and he would comply but eventually continue anyway. My biggest mistake was giving him my contact information. He texts me every day, from morning to evening, asking me too many personal questions. I don’t want to be mean to him, but whenever I tell him to leave me alone, he persists. I am scared, and I don’t know what to do. -- Always Followed

DEAR ALWAYS FOLLOWED: Block this person from your social media and your phone. Refuse to respond to his texts. Silence may work to make him realize you really are no longer interested in him. If it escalates, you may need to report him to the police to get this incident on the record.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend’s Food Pickiness Is Rude

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 27th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is super picky. My mother is Thai, and she makes many Thai delicacies whenever I have friends over. My other friends eat -- and enjoy -- my mother’s food. However, this one friend refuses to eat it or says it’s disgusting.

I have tried numerous times to find certain foods that my friend may like, to no avail. At this point, whenever I have her over, I have to order food instead of eating my mother’s home-cooked meals. I know my friend is picky, but her reactions to my mom’s food are a bit rude. I love my friend, but she can be such a handful when it comes to food. What should I do? -- Picky Friend

DEAR PICKY FRIEND: Your friend is rude, and her behavior is unacceptable. If she cannot find a way to be more gracious about eating your mother’s food at your home, stop inviting her over. It would be one thing if she were allergic to the food your mother prepares, but that’s not it. She just doesn’t like it.

Think about your mother. I’m sure it hurts her feelings to know that you order food especially for this person when she visits your house. Don’t insult your mother by giving in to your friend’s eating peculiarities. Instead, spend time with her elsewhere. You can let her know that you will not be inviting her over to eat anymore because the cuisine is not to her liking and you refuse to allow your mother to be insulted anymore.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for February 27, 2020

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | February 27th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: This is the start of a new semester in college without one of my good friends. I met him my freshman year, and we have been almost inseparable ever since. He recently transferred to another school to complete his major, and it has been different ever since. We used to talk every day when we were in school together. Now my friend is working long hours at his job, so it has been hard for us to properly hang out. I miss spending time with him. He always listened to me whenever I was in trouble, but now it feels different. I want him to live his life, and I support him all the way. I just feel like I am missing my second half. I still have many friends at my school, but I feel lonely without him. Is there any way to describe how I feel? Is it OK to feel this way? -- Lonely Half

DEAR LONELY HALF: Just as your dear friend is pursuing his degree at this other institution, you need to refocus your lens on your future. Of course you miss him, but you cannot allow your emotions to derail your dreams. Remind yourself of what you want to do with your life. Outline the steps that it will take to manifest your desires. Write them down so that you can check them off each day.

Beyond that, look around. Notice people who share common interests with you. Step out of your comfort zone and try to make new friends. Nobody will replace your friend who has left your school, but you may be able to cultivate a new friendship that helps to ease the loneliness that you feel.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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