DEAR HARRIETTE: I am finding myself at a loss for how to be politically correct when it comes to talking about gender identity. My neighbor’s child -- who was born female -- says that she now identifies as “they.” I do my best to remember, but it doesn’t come natural to me yet.

Beyond that, I see that the language is changing a lot, and I am totally lost. It used to be that people were gay or straight. Now it’s LGBTQ. Or non-binary conforming -- but what does that mean? I don’t want to sound dumb or outdated, but I honestly don’t understand the new realm of gender identity, let alone how to talk about it. Can you help? -- Gender Confusion

DEAR GENDER CONFUSION: At least part of the culture in which we live today is making a concerted effort to be more welcoming of all people, and that includes people who do not conform to the standard definitions of gender identity. For many, this occurs when family members or friends present themselves in ways that do not follow the traditional definitions of “male” or “female.” When loved ones actively claim other ways of defining themselves, those they love often make an effort to support them. This is true even for conservative people who may grapple with their own value systems when it comes to gender identity.

How one defines oneself when the language has been limited to male and female can be a daunting task. It is one that folks have struggled with for generations. I am no expert, but I do know that there is a lot of literature out there that can be supportive. To the point of non-binary, my understanding is that if someone is not comfortable with being singularly either male or female, the person is considered non-binary. The next choices are broadening.

LGBTQ is an acronym that helps some. It means lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer, and it serves as a general category outside of the male/female, straight/homosexual buckets. There is also a movement for people to claim their pronouns -- he, she or they -- in an effort to further define how one identifies.

You should read up on this topic. But if you approach people with respect and openness, you are off to a good start. If you get the label wrong but your intention is good, chances are, you will be able to expand your vocabulary simply by asking for clarification.

For more details, visit bit.ly/2v9ADFn or bit.ly/2S4cn0o. Activist Jodie Patterson, a mother of five with a trans child, wrote a book, “The Bold World: A Memoir of Family and Transformation” that can be very helpful.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend loves to wear makeup, and she usually wears bright red lipstick. It looks great on her, and I appreciate the fact that she likes to dress up. What I don’t like is when her lipstick gets on my clothes. It makes me crazy. How can I get her to lay off the red lipstick? She has destroyed several of my favorite shirts just by reaching up to give me a kiss. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but something’s got to give. -- No More Lipstick Stains

DEAR NO MORE LIPSTICK STAINS: Surprise your girlfriend and go to the makeup store and buy her some 24-hour matte red lipstick. Believe it or not, she will still be able to wear red literally all day long, but it won’t wipe off. You should tell her why you bought it so that she herself will make the switch to the 18- or 24-hour variety.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a huge argument with a woman who said she wanted to help me work on my business plan. She agreed to a particular fee; it was low, but promised higher returns when I met with success. After beginning to do the work, she flaked time and again, insulted me along the way and never completed what she agreed to do. On top of all of that, she had the nerve to say that I didn’t know what I was doing and that I would never amount to anything. It was awful.

I hear people say how wonderful it is for women to work together. That has not been my experience. Women are usually the ones who stab me in the back. How can I get over this feeling that I can’t trust women to be in my corner? -- Duped By a Woman

DEAR DUPED BY A WOMAN: This one experience does not need to represent the whole of your engagement with women. Do your best to look at this in isolation. Evaluate it carefully. What merit, if any, do this woman’s comments have? Is there something you could have done differently that might have helped the project to be more successful? Can you recall ever speaking to her in disparaging tones? Reflect on your behavior, and acknowledge anything that you could have handled differently.

Next, end this relationship. You do not need to work with someone who is rude and unproductive. Sever your ties. Let her know that you are disappointed with the way that she handled herself. Pay her only what you are legally bound to pay.

Do your best to keep your disdain for women limited to her. Resist the urge to look upon all women with the same lens. See each person for who she is. Your life will be richer if you can.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son was not a very good student in high school, and now he is reaping what he sowed. He has applied to quite a few colleges, but he does not have a good chance of getting in to any of his favorites. I convinced him to apply to a few state schools and even community colleges as safety schools. He got mad at me when I made these recommendations, but I know that it is tough to get in to good schools, even when you have good grades. How can I encourage my son to keep trying when it is likely that he will have slim pickings? -- Next Stop College

DEAR NEXT STOP COLLEGE: Talk to your son about his future. What does he want to do with his life? It is absolutely time for him to take steps to make that happen. You cannot do it for him.

Point out that if his career of choice requires higher education, he needs to raise his grades in order to get it. Community college is one way to take classes and up his GPA, which may give him a chance to complete his education at a four-year college or university. Encourage him to take these next steps seriously. Make it clear that you do not intend to support him financially when he is an adult, so he must figure it out now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is very difficult to get close to, but he’s very sweet sometimes, too. He is always posting touching images of animals or babies and children doing nice things to and for each other on social media. In person, he is hard to reach. He does not return calls often. He is a flake. That is, until he chooses to spend time with you; then you feel like the most important person in the world. I think I crave the attention that he sometimes shows me, but it hurts my feelings that everything is on his terms. How can I manage my expectations differently? I don’t like the downside of how our friendship makes me feel. -- Distant Friend

DEAR DISTANT FRIEND: It sounds like you need to accept the reality of this man’s friendship. He has shown you how he behaves and how he engages people. You seem to crave more than he is willing to give. That doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person. It does say that you have not accepted the terms of this relationship.

You already know that the way that people interact on social media is not necessarily reflective of who they are and how they engage in “real life.” Social media is a way for people to posture. It sounds like your friend chooses positive images to share with the world, but they are not of him or about him. Stop trying to read between the lines to find a way to get closer to this man. Instead, either be OK with the time and attention that he affords you, or decide that it is not enough and walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an affair during a time in my marriage when everything was going to hell. When my husband found out, we decided to get a divorce. Now he has come back to me saying that he forgives me and wants to try again. He says he knows things were bad, and that it wasn’t all my fault. He admitted to the things he was doing that were unkind to me. I was surprised at how forthcoming he was.

So now he wants to reconcile. I’m not sure that I do. He is a nice guy, but I think it was a mistake to marry him. Now that we are being more honest, do I tell him the truth, or should I try to make it work in spite of some of my lingering feelings about walking away? -- Reconciliation

DEAR RECONCILIATION: Now is the time for you to be honest with yourself first. What do you want? There was a reason you chose to find companionship outside of your marriage. What was it? Tell yourself the truth about your decisions, and ask if you think you can be fulfilled and faithful if you recommit to your husband. What will it take for you to be able to start over and be 100% in?

If you can find those answers, discuss them with your husband. Be honest without being cruel. Tell him what you want and need in chapter two of your life together.

If you cannot find a way back to your marriage that you believe will work for you, do not pretend that you can. Apologize to your husband for not being able to reconcile. End on a high note by pointing out what was good about your marriage. Let him know that it is time for you to walk away.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)