DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is very difficult to get close to, but he’s very sweet sometimes, too. He is always posting touching images of animals or babies and children doing nice things to and for each other on social media. In person, he is hard to reach. He does not return calls often. He is a flake. That is, until he chooses to spend time with you; then you feel like the most important person in the world. I think I crave the attention that he sometimes shows me, but it hurts my feelings that everything is on his terms. How can I manage my expectations differently? I don’t like the downside of how our friendship makes me feel. -- Distant Friend

DEAR DISTANT FRIEND: It sounds like you need to accept the reality of this man’s friendship. He has shown you how he behaves and how he engages people. You seem to crave more than he is willing to give. That doesn’t necessarily make him a bad person. It does say that you have not accepted the terms of this relationship.

You already know that the way that people interact on social media is not necessarily reflective of who they are and how they engage in “real life.” Social media is a way for people to posture. It sounds like your friend chooses positive images to share with the world, but they are not of him or about him. Stop trying to read between the lines to find a way to get closer to this man. Instead, either be OK with the time and attention that he affords you, or decide that it is not enough and walk away.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had an affair during a time in my marriage when everything was going to hell. When my husband found out, we decided to get a divorce. Now he has come back to me saying that he forgives me and wants to try again. He says he knows things were bad, and that it wasn’t all my fault. He admitted to the things he was doing that were unkind to me. I was surprised at how forthcoming he was.

So now he wants to reconcile. I’m not sure that I do. He is a nice guy, but I think it was a mistake to marry him. Now that we are being more honest, do I tell him the truth, or should I try to make it work in spite of some of my lingering feelings about walking away? -- Reconciliation

DEAR RECONCILIATION: Now is the time for you to be honest with yourself first. What do you want? There was a reason you chose to find companionship outside of your marriage. What was it? Tell yourself the truth about your decisions, and ask if you think you can be fulfilled and faithful if you recommit to your husband. What will it take for you to be able to start over and be 100% in?

If you can find those answers, discuss them with your husband. Be honest without being cruel. Tell him what you want and need in chapter two of your life together.

If you cannot find a way back to your marriage that you believe will work for you, do not pretend that you can. Apologize to your husband for not being able to reconcile. End on a high note by pointing out what was good about your marriage. Let him know that it is time for you to walk away.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a weakened immune system due to asthma. I have never bowed out of activities because of my health, but now I wonder if I should.

I went on a hike with friends this summer and had an asthma attack. I hadn’t told them about my condition, as I keep my health to myself, so they were freaked out. I had my inhaler and ended up being OK, but not without slowing down the whole trip. I do not want people throwing me the side eye because of my health. I have always been able to manage without drawing extra attention to myself. I’m thinking about this because friends are organizing a trip to the mountains for a much bigger hike, and I wonder whether I should go, and, if so, what precautions I should take. -- Question of Health

DEAR QUESTION OF HEALTH: Your first stop should be to your doctor. Contact your physician and your pulmonologist (if you have one) to discuss the status of your health and the upcoming trip. Talk about how you can protect yourself, what safeguards should be in place and who should know about your condition.

Many people with asthma, as well as other health conditions, participate in athletic activities without cause for alarm. To prepare, you should reveal all details of your previous trip and what happened. Talk about what to do in case of emergency. With your physician’s blessing, go on the trip. But do inform at least one participant of your health profile. Also find out about how medical emergencies are handled on the hike route that you have selected.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A young woman interned with me many years ago, and we get together from time to time. I am happy to stay in touch with her, but sometimes it gets expensive. We typically go out for drinks or to eat. Since she is much younger than me, I feel like I should pay for our outings. But my income has changed, and I don’t really have much disposable cash anymore. I am embarrassed to point this out, but I think I must if I intend to continue meeting up with her. How do I tell her that I need her to split the bill? -- Managing Expectations

DEAR MANAGING EXPECTATIONS: You are not beholden to this young woman financially. Though you feel responsible for her, this is not a requirement. You have a few choices to consider. For starters, why not spend time in places that do not cost money? Go for a walk to chat during temperate weather. Visit a free museum or art show in your town. Meet for coffee, a far more affordable alternative than drinks or dinner.

You can also tell this young woman that you are happy to meet with her, but you need to split the bill. It is important for the next generation to learn about the realities of aging. This includes financial changes. This can become a teaching moment -- even if it does feel a bit like eating humble pie.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has always said she wants to be an author. She’s never published anything. Recently, she presented me with a manuscript that she says she has been working on for years. It reads a bit like a memoir, but I do not think it is very good. The thoughts are not coherent. What do I say to her? I have written a little bit here and there, but I am no editor. I don’t really know how to help her. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. What do I say to someone who is so passionate, but who really doesn’t have the chops to do it? -- Wannabe Writer

DEAR WANNABE WRITER: Unless you have the power to publish a book, do not assume that you have the authority to determine whether your friend has the chops to be an author. Table that thought.

Beyond that, you can recommend that your friend take a class or participate in a writer’s workshop. These days, there are specific workshops designed for people who want to write memoirs, so she can get specific if she likes. It can be both helpful and like a splash of cold water in your face to sit with a group of fellow writers and share your work. In those settings, you receive constructive criticism, often guided by a group leader -- often a professional writer or editor. In that environment, your friend may gain the ability to refine her writing and learn how to tell her story.

Further, because of the advent and popularity of self-publishing, your friend can choose to publish her book on her own. You should encourage her to get as much professional support as she can so that she strengthens her craft, thereby making her final product as good as it can be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a dream that my teenage daughter was at a rock concert and was raped in the bathroom at the venue. I know that’s a horrible thought, but it was so vivid that I woke up crying. I’m thinking I had this dream so that I can remind my daughter of how important it is to be cautious and to travel in pairs. She gets tired of me giving her safety directions all the time, but now that she is growing up, I know that she needs to remain cautious as she also becomes more independent. Do I tell her about my dream? What should I do? -- Protecting My Teenager

DEAR PROTECTING MY TEENAGER: You don’t necessarily need to relay the vivid details of your dream to your daughter. You should clearly and firmly remind her of your rules for being safe in public. I don’t think men or women should go into public restrooms in arenas or nightclubs alone. It is always safer in twos. Same goes for walking down darkened hallways. Remind your daughter to NEVER take a drink she didn’t see poured or she didn’t open herself.

Feel free to sit down with your daughter and explain that it is your job to remind her to be vigilant -- not because you don’t trust her, but because the world is filled with all kinds of people, not all of whom have her best interest at heart.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)