DEAR READERS: For those of you who celebrate, happy Valentine’s Day! This day has been reserved as a day to express your love and affection for those you hold dear. I like the overarching sentiment, even though I cringe at how product-driven the day has become.

Instead of being overwhelmed by the consumer mania of Valentine’s Day, I invite you to stop a moment and think about what else it can mean for you. If the highlight is love, can you think about those you love the most and get creative about how you celebrate them without falling into the trap of spending a pocketful of cash? A thoughtful call, a handwritten note, an invitation for a romantic walk, a shoulder rub -- all of these cost nothing, but count for so much.

I do not disparage those who purchase lovely treasures for their beloved, but I just think it isn’t a requirement.

When I was growing up, I don’t remember Valentine’s Day being a thing in my house. My parents were happily married, and they did pay attention to each other. But I’m blanking on any memory of red roses, chocolates or jewelry on that day. I want to say I noticed an extra kiss on the lips when my Daddy came home from work, but that’s me waxing nostalgic more than actually remembering.

Valentine’s Day took on greater meaning for my family when my father died. This larger-than-life man was born on Jan. 1 and died on Valentine’s Day. Go figure. He definitely didn’t plan it, but it happened nonetheless, and then, with time standing still, this day of love marked a day of death. My mother’s husband of 41 years was no longer. That peck on the lips was done. That sparkle in the eye that they shared, especially in their later years, was extinguished. That call to check to see if we were living up to our expectations no longer came.

In the more than 20 years since my father’s passing, we reignite that flame of love between our parents and their three daughters on this special day -- not with gifts, but with calls, with memories, with hugs, with blessings.

There is a song I love by Luther Vandross, called “Dance With My Father.” I think of this song and of the gift that my own father, the Honorable Harry Augustus Cole, gave to my sisters and me -- the ability to dance. What I wouldn’t do to dance with him again.

What does Valentine’s Day conjure for you? Dig deep to unearth a treasured memory that you hold about people you love. If they are still living, reach out and remind them of how much you care. If relatives are still with us, contact them to share whatever comes up for you. And for those you love right now, make sure they know your gesture of affection is real. The flowers that emerge from your heart are far more valuable than those that you buy -- that is, unless your store-bought rose is accompanied by your heartfelt embrace.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is the most beautiful girl that I know. She is funny, smart and an amazing singer. I’ve known her since we were in the sixth grade, so she is basically my sister. Lately, she has been down, and it is mostly due to her weight.

In middle school, she was close to being morbidly obese, so she was bullied a lot by our classmates. When we got into high school, she was selected to get gastric bypass surgery, which is a procedure that shrinks the stomach. After a couple of months, she started losing a ton of weight. She lost over 200 pounds! I am so proud of her, and she looks amazing. But she doesn’t think so. I encourage her every day because I know she is a beautiful girl and that she should be proud of how much she has accomplished. My one concern is that I don’t want her to develop an eating disorder, and I don’t know what else to do to help her through her body image problem. What can I do to help her out? -- Concerned Bestie

DEAR CONCERNED BESTIE: Before gastric bypass surgery, patients typically have to get psychological counseling. It is good to have afterward, too. Accepting yourself for who you are is a key to a healthy life. Of course, it is important to take action to heal your body, but it often takes a while for the mind to catch up.

Encourage your friend to engage a psychologist to support her during this time of transition. Point out how much she has accomplished and how proud of her you are. Tell her that you have learned that getting professional support can help her to be strong and happy. To learn more, go to bit.ly/2U8MKNs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have not been intimate in years. It started with him having a medical condition, followed by several years of nasty back and forth. I felt like we were always yelling. I had no desire to have sex if the only other interaction that was happening was mean-spirited and negative. We have been mainly getting along recently, mostly focused on work and our children. But our second kid is about to go away to college.

As we have been planning for college, my husband mentioned that when our son leaves, he wants a divorce. This should not be a surprise; we have been mostly coexisting for years, but I guess I never thought it would actually happen. I’m scared to death. I haven’t been on my own for years. My husband makes way more money than I do, and even though we are at retirement age, I doubt I can ever retire. I don’t know how I will make it on my own. How can I get him to reconsider? -- Stop the Divorce

DEAR STOP THE DIVORCE: Nothing that you said suggests that you want to save the marriage. It appears that you want to save your finances. Depending on where you live, you may be eligible for as much as half of your husband’s assets. That may help. But, for starters, why not ask your husband to go to counseling with you? Even if it ends up as professional support for how you uncouple, it may prove helpful for you to figure out your next steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been in a relationship. I am almost 20, and I have never experienced romance. Many of my friends have already had boyfriends or girlfriends, gotten involved in summer flings or even found their life partners. I, on the other hand, have dated various books, ranging from F. Scott Fitzgerald to Mark Twain. I care more about my education than anything else, so I’ve never had time to be in a proper relationship.

Since it has been so long, I wonder why I haven’t caught anyone’s eye. Sometimes I wonder if it is the way I look or dress.

Though I have never been in a relationship, I have gone on many dates. However, I never seemed to enjoy them, and it always ends with us being friends. It has been so hard for me to get into a relationship. Is there something wrong with me? I feel like there is something I am doing wrong. -- Mid-Life Crisis

DEAR MID-LIFE CRISIS: First, let me assure you that your crisis is less “mid-life” than it is “coming-of-age.” You are young. Your life is just now unfolding before your eyes, and you are learning about what and who you like. Though it may not seem so, it is perfectly normal for you not to have fallen in love yet. It’s good that you have dated. That means you are allowing yourself to meet people and see if there is synergy.

Have patience. You haven’t met your match yet. You may want to put yourself in environments with people who share your interests. What about joining a book club where people read books and come together to talk about them? What else interests you? Find out what clubs or gatherings exist in your areas of interest. Keep your eyes open to notice who else is there. You are most likely to find a compatible partner if you look around in spaces that make you comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work a lot. I come up for air every so often. It is then that I panic because I sometimes feel like I have no friends. I was free the other day, and I called all the people I consider close to me -- about six people -- and nobody was available. I thought a little more broadly -- nada. I think that I have isolated myself so much that I am no longer a priority for the people in my life. How can I turn that around? -- Reclaiming Friendship

DEAR RECLAIMING FRIENDSHIP: Go back to your list and fill it out more. Write down the names of people you care about and want to keep as friends. Pay close attention so that you pick people who are top priorities. Next, pick a time each week or each month -- whatever frequency works for you -- when you can schedule time to get together with friends. Invite someone far enough in advance so that they have time to make themselves available. You can ask them to let you know by a particular date so that you have time to invite someone else. Over time, pay attention to how many meetups you are able to schedule, and if they are fulfilling. It will become obvious which friendships are worth rekindling. Pay attention to see if you want to introduce new friends into the mix.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)