DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been in a relationship. I am almost 20, and I have never experienced romance. Many of my friends have already had boyfriends or girlfriends, gotten involved in summer flings or even found their life partners. I, on the other hand, have dated various books, ranging from F. Scott Fitzgerald to Mark Twain. I care more about my education than anything else, so I’ve never had time to be in a proper relationship.

Since it has been so long, I wonder why I haven’t caught anyone’s eye. Sometimes I wonder if it is the way I look or dress.

Though I have never been in a relationship, I have gone on many dates. However, I never seemed to enjoy them, and it always ends with us being friends. It has been so hard for me to get into a relationship. Is there something wrong with me? I feel like there is something I am doing wrong. -- Mid-Life Crisis

DEAR MID-LIFE CRISIS: First, let me assure you that your crisis is less “mid-life” than it is “coming-of-age.” You are young. Your life is just now unfolding before your eyes, and you are learning about what and who you like. Though it may not seem so, it is perfectly normal for you not to have fallen in love yet. It’s good that you have dated. That means you are allowing yourself to meet people and see if there is synergy.

Have patience. You haven’t met your match yet. You may want to put yourself in environments with people who share your interests. What about joining a book club where people read books and come together to talk about them? What else interests you? Find out what clubs or gatherings exist in your areas of interest. Keep your eyes open to notice who else is there. You are most likely to find a compatible partner if you look around in spaces that make you comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work a lot. I come up for air every so often. It is then that I panic because I sometimes feel like I have no friends. I was free the other day, and I called all the people I consider close to me -- about six people -- and nobody was available. I thought a little more broadly -- nada. I think that I have isolated myself so much that I am no longer a priority for the people in my life. How can I turn that around? -- Reclaiming Friendship

DEAR RECLAIMING FRIENDSHIP: Go back to your list and fill it out more. Write down the names of people you care about and want to keep as friends. Pay close attention so that you pick people who are top priorities. Next, pick a time each week or each month -- whatever frequency works for you -- when you can schedule time to get together with friends. Invite someone far enough in advance so that they have time to make themselves available. You can ask them to let you know by a particular date so that you have time to invite someone else. Over time, pay attention to how many meetups you are able to schedule, and if they are fulfilling. It will become obvious which friendships are worth rekindling. Pay attention to see if you want to introduce new friends into the mix.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor, who is a good friend, confided in me that she is having an affair with a guy at her job. It came up because she asked me if I would watch her kids last-minute one evening. When I asked her what was going on -- because she is usually well-organized and responsible -- she admitted that she was going to meet up with this guy. This was so awkward for me. I took the children, but I don’t want to be in the middle of this. I am friendly with my neighbor’s husband, and I don’t want to be complicit in the machinations of an affair. It’s not easy. My friend has already asked me to watch her children again. That wouldn’t be abnormal, but now that I know why she is asking, I want no part of it. What should I do? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your friend. Remind her of how much you love her and want her to be happy. Tell her that you will do whatever you can to be a good friend to her -- within reason. Then, let her know how uncomfortable you are being between her and her husband with this. Tell her you are happy to watch her children on occasion, but you do not want to be the babysitter while she is out with her other man.

Let her know what you are unwilling to do. That should include lying to her husband and making it easy for her to go off with her co-worker. Suggest that she take a moment to evaluate what is going on in her life, what she needs and what is missing. Until she faces her issues, she will continue to run away from them. Make it clear that you do not want to be the enabler of her running away from her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who has everything. She has done well for herself and is a collector of beautiful things. She seems to have a wonderful life. Her birthday is coming up, and I want to do something special for her. I have no idea what to give her. Every single thing I come up with to get for her, she already has, or the version that I might be able to give her is substandard to what she would buy for herself. What do you give someone who needs nothing? -- Great Gift

DEAR GREAT GIFT: Gifts do not always have to be material things. What about the gift of time? If you and this friend do things together, at least on occasion, consider offering her the gift of a date when you spend quality time together. Invite her to a meal with just the two of you or with a few friends, either that you prepare or at a favorite restaurant.

Think about her favorite extracurricular activities. Then offer her tickets to an event or experience. Or go through old photos. See if you can find an image of you and your friend when you were having a wonderful time together. Put that image in a beautiful frame that you accompany with a sincere note expressing your love for her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have just started another semester at college. So far, it has been decent. The courses I am taking are a bit more challenging, but at least I have really good professors.

For the fall semester, I received straight A’s, and it boosted my GPA. I have been stressed out lately because I am having second thoughts about my potential. I know that since I did well last semester, I need to do exceptionally well this semester. I know that the new semester just started, but I want to know what I can do to not second-guess myself. -- Hardworking Student

DEAR HARDWORKING STUDENT: Having been an A student myself, I personally understand your concern. What I did was focus on learning everything that my professors taught. I did not focus on the grade. I recommend that you pay attention to the syllabus, set up a study schedule for yourself that includes ample time for paying attention to your work and enough time for rest. Do your best to include time for fun. If you only do schoolwork, you could stress yourself out. And if you find yourself slipping in a subject, ask your professor for support early on and find out if you can do some extra credit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think that I am a pretty girl. I love to dress up, fix my hair and put on a little makeup before going out. Many people say that I am beautiful, but I always feel like they are lying to me. Sometimes I will stare at the mirror and complain about my flaws. Sometimes I wish my skin was clearer or I was a bit thinner. I have become overly obsessed with my looks.

Every time I look at myself, I never see anything positive. My friends and family say that I am beautiful all the time, but I always feel bad about myself. Or maybe they are just saying that to be nice to me. What can I do to gain some confidence in myself? -- Self-Conscious

DEAR SELF-CONSCIOUS: You should change your focus from how you look to who you are and how you present yourself to the world. My mother used to say to my sisters and me, “Pretty is as pretty does, girls.” We were taught that how you look on the outside is nowhere near as important as how you behave, how you treat people and how you reflect your values.

Of course it is good to pay attention to your exterior. You should work to present yourself appropriately for whatever the moment is, but how you look will only build confidence short-term. The way people look changes day to day and over time. The way you behave can be consistent, regardless of how you look. You can gain confidence in yourself by aligning with what you believe is right. Consider what you think is important, and enforce your beliefs. Your conviction and clarity will become attractive to like-minded people.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)