DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor, who is a good friend, confided in me that she is having an affair with a guy at her job. It came up because she asked me if I would watch her kids last-minute one evening. When I asked her what was going on -- because she is usually well-organized and responsible -- she admitted that she was going to meet up with this guy. This was so awkward for me. I took the children, but I don’t want to be in the middle of this. I am friendly with my neighbor’s husband, and I don’t want to be complicit in the machinations of an affair. It’s not easy. My friend has already asked me to watch her children again. That wouldn’t be abnormal, but now that I know why she is asking, I want no part of it. What should I do? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your friend. Remind her of how much you love her and want her to be happy. Tell her that you will do whatever you can to be a good friend to her -- within reason. Then, let her know how uncomfortable you are being between her and her husband with this. Tell her you are happy to watch her children on occasion, but you do not want to be the babysitter while she is out with her other man.

Let her know what you are unwilling to do. That should include lying to her husband and making it easy for her to go off with her co-worker. Suggest that she take a moment to evaluate what is going on in her life, what she needs and what is missing. Until she faces her issues, she will continue to run away from them. Make it clear that you do not want to be the enabler of her running away from her life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who has everything. She has done well for herself and is a collector of beautiful things. She seems to have a wonderful life. Her birthday is coming up, and I want to do something special for her. I have no idea what to give her. Every single thing I come up with to get for her, she already has, or the version that I might be able to give her is substandard to what she would buy for herself. What do you give someone who needs nothing? -- Great Gift

DEAR GREAT GIFT: Gifts do not always have to be material things. What about the gift of time? If you and this friend do things together, at least on occasion, consider offering her the gift of a date when you spend quality time together. Invite her to a meal with just the two of you or with a few friends, either that you prepare or at a favorite restaurant.

Think about her favorite extracurricular activities. Then offer her tickets to an event or experience. Or go through old photos. See if you can find an image of you and your friend when you were having a wonderful time together. Put that image in a beautiful frame that you accompany with a sincere note expressing your love for her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have just started another semester at college. So far, it has been decent. The courses I am taking are a bit more challenging, but at least I have really good professors.

For the fall semester, I received straight A’s, and it boosted my GPA. I have been stressed out lately because I am having second thoughts about my potential. I know that since I did well last semester, I need to do exceptionally well this semester. I know that the new semester just started, but I want to know what I can do to not second-guess myself. -- Hardworking Student

DEAR HARDWORKING STUDENT: Having been an A student myself, I personally understand your concern. What I did was focus on learning everything that my professors taught. I did not focus on the grade. I recommend that you pay attention to the syllabus, set up a study schedule for yourself that includes ample time for paying attention to your work and enough time for rest. Do your best to include time for fun. If you only do schoolwork, you could stress yourself out. And if you find yourself slipping in a subject, ask your professor for support early on and find out if you can do some extra credit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think that I am a pretty girl. I love to dress up, fix my hair and put on a little makeup before going out. Many people say that I am beautiful, but I always feel like they are lying to me. Sometimes I will stare at the mirror and complain about my flaws. Sometimes I wish my skin was clearer or I was a bit thinner. I have become overly obsessed with my looks.

Every time I look at myself, I never see anything positive. My friends and family say that I am beautiful all the time, but I always feel bad about myself. Or maybe they are just saying that to be nice to me. What can I do to gain some confidence in myself? -- Self-Conscious

DEAR SELF-CONSCIOUS: You should change your focus from how you look to who you are and how you present yourself to the world. My mother used to say to my sisters and me, “Pretty is as pretty does, girls.” We were taught that how you look on the outside is nowhere near as important as how you behave, how you treat people and how you reflect your values.

Of course it is good to pay attention to your exterior. You should work to present yourself appropriately for whatever the moment is, but how you look will only build confidence short-term. The way people look changes day to day and over time. The way you behave can be consistent, regardless of how you look. You can gain confidence in yourself by aligning with what you believe is right. Consider what you think is important, and enforce your beliefs. Your conviction and clarity will become attractive to like-minded people.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a letter from an old friend that was very disturbing to me. She is at retirement age and has to keep working, like most people I know, because she doesn’t have ample retirement money. She is worried about how she will take care of herself when she gets older, because she is unmarried and doubts that she can work forever. She sounded so sad. I don’t have any real answers for her, but I do want to be of support. What do you say to somebody who will be broke before she dies? -- Loss for Words

DEAR LOSS FOR WORDS: This is an increasingly common and worrisome reality for many seniors. For a variety of reasons -- health being at the top of the list -- elders in America, one of the wealthiest countries in the world, find themselves in dire need of support at a time when they feel most vulnerable. The good news is that when people truly are in financial distress, there are government programs that are designed to help them. This means anything from vouchers for public housing to Medicaid -- plus many more. You have to do your research, but tell your friend there is support out there. Go to seniorliving.org/research/government-aid for more information.

It is also true that many seniors work well past the age of 65 and can have lucrative jobs. For quite a few seniors, that means reinventing themselves and possibly making a pivot in the road to pursue a different line of work. Encore is a company that pairs seasoned professionals with not-for-profits. For 10 years, it has successfully matched professionals with fulfilling roles that sometimes turn into full-time work. Visit encore.org/fellowships for more information. Your friend can also go to aarp.org to learn about benefits and opportunities available to people over 50.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is a very attractive woman, at least to me. I love how she dresses and pays attention to how she looks. She is a professional woman, so she is smart and great at what she does, too. I have found that some of my male friends don’t like it so much when we all get together and my wife seems to stand out among the women. It’s not her fault that she is a pretty great package. I know I’m proud of her, but I worry about how some of the other husbands and wives react to her. Sometimes it seems like a competition. Other times it looks like they flock together and ignore her.

I want my wife to be happy, and I worry that she isn’t comfortable hanging out with these people, even though they are our principal friend group. What can I do to support her? -- Be Nice

DEAR BE NICE: Talk to your wife. Make sure she is feeling like she needs or wants help in this situation. While you notice that some people seem envious of her, she may not pay it any attention. Don’t make assumptions. Find out how she feels and if she wants you to intervene in any way, or even if she wants to branch out and start to form an additional friend group. If she is OK, you will need to start overlooking the pettiness. If she is not, consider adding new friends to your social calendar. Don’t call these people out. It will only make things worse.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)