Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a letter from an old friend that was very disturbing to me. She is at retirement age and has to keep working, like most people I know, because she doesn’t have ample retirement money. She is worried about how she will take care of herself when she gets older, because she is unmarried and doubts that she can work forever. She sounded so sad. I don’t have any real answers for her, but I do want to be of support. What do you say to somebody who will be broke before she dies? -- Loss for Words

DEAR LOSS FOR WORDS: This is an increasingly common and worrisome reality for many seniors. For a variety of reasons -- health being at the top of the list -- elders in America, one of the wealthiest countries in the world, find themselves in dire need of support at a time when they feel most vulnerable. The good news is that when people truly are in financial distress, there are government programs that are designed to help them. This means anything from vouchers for public housing to Medicaid -- plus many more. You have to do your research, but tell your friend there is support out there. Go to seniorliving.org/research/government-aid for more information.

It is also true that many seniors work well past the age of 65 and can have lucrative jobs. For quite a few seniors, that means reinventing themselves and possibly making a pivot in the road to pursue a different line of work. Encore is a company that pairs seasoned professionals with not-for-profits. For 10 years, it has successfully matched professionals with fulfilling roles that sometimes turn into full-time work. Visit encore.org/fellowships for more information. Your friend can also go to aarp.org to learn about benefits and opportunities available to people over 50.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife is a very attractive woman, at least to me. I love how she dresses and pays attention to how she looks. She is a professional woman, so she is smart and great at what she does, too. I have found that some of my male friends don’t like it so much when we all get together and my wife seems to stand out among the women. It’s not her fault that she is a pretty great package. I know I’m proud of her, but I worry about how some of the other husbands and wives react to her. Sometimes it seems like a competition. Other times it looks like they flock together and ignore her.

I want my wife to be happy, and I worry that she isn’t comfortable hanging out with these people, even though they are our principal friend group. What can I do to support her? -- Be Nice

DEAR BE NICE: Talk to your wife. Make sure she is feeling like she needs or wants help in this situation. While you notice that some people seem envious of her, she may not pay it any attention. Don’t make assumptions. Find out how she feels and if she wants you to intervene in any way, or even if she wants to branch out and start to form an additional friend group. If she is OK, you will need to start overlooking the pettiness. If she is not, consider adding new friends to your social calendar. Don’t call these people out. It will only make things worse.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a young child, and I have been looking for a nanny to help me take care of her when I go back to work. I know a few moms who have nannies, but I’m really at a loss for how to find someone I can trust to watch my child. You hear horror stories about how other people take care of your children. Those stories are getting under my skin, and I am not sure how I should proceed. Do you have any recommendations? -- Need a Nanny

DEAR NEED A NANNY: In different towns, infant and child care is handled in different ways. Sometimes a day care center that has been accredited by the city or state can work perfectly for you and can be more affordable than an individual coming to your home. In other places, a nanny or a live-in au pair is common.

In all cases, you should rely heavily on referrals. Look for someone who has been recommended by people you know and trust. Research organizations that insure their staff and do background checks before they present potential employees to you.

In many cities, people hire undocumented workers or people for whom they do not pay taxes in order to get a lower rate. You should think twice about this. In no way am I condemning these people as being untrustworthy. But the downsides for you include your inability to get that legal background check and the liability that you will have for hiring someone illegally.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been freelancing in my field for about 10 years now. I have built up a few key clients, but it is tough for me to make enough money to pay my bills, let alone create a cushion for retirement. I learned about a full-time job opportunity that looks promising, but I am worried. The salary is not very high, even though it does offer benefits. I wonder if I get this job and have to walk away from my freelance clients, what happens if the job doesn’t last? Then I will have to start all over. This makes me nervous. Do you think I should go for the interview? -- Testing the Waters

DEAR TESTING THE WATERS: Consider this opportunity as a wonderful moment to evaluate where you are financially and in your business and to map out a plan for the future. What do you need to be financially comfortable in 10 years? Are you on a trajectory now that will get you there? How viable are your current clients? What strategy can you put in place to grow your client base?

Can this job be advantageous? Make a list of pros and cons of the job. How much money can you save? Will the included benefits be a financial relief for you? What is the potential for growth in this company?

No matter what you ultimately decide, go for the interview. This will help you to learn how valuable you are in the marketplace. If you decide to accept the job, give it your all and don’t worry about how long it will last. Your focus, expertise and enthusiasm will help you to succeed.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I swore off social media about a year ago because I found it to be a distraction, and I really needed to get some work done. I gave myself a year, and now that I am there, I don’t know if I want to go back. I like being disengaged from the chatter, much of which doesn’t seem real. At the same time, I have a new project I’m working on, and social media can be very helpful in getting the word out. Any recommendations for how to balance if I go back in? -- Off Social Media

DEAR OFF SOCIAL MEDIA: You have the ability to choose how to use social media. It makes sense to engage your public for business purposes. Since you have not used social media for a year, your followers will be happy to hear from you, and you can set the parameters for engagement. You can state that you intend to use social media infrequently. You want to keep the peacefulness that you have established in your life, but you also want to keep in touch with them occasionally. Let your people know that you will pop up from time to time to share news about things that you think they may be interested in. Ask for their blessing for your new terms of engagement.

The reason you do this so graciously is that you want your people to support your upcoming project. You cannot come off as selfish, or you will lose people. To use social media, you will need to interact a bit with your people, beyond simply announcing your efforts. But you can limit it. Decide how often per week or month you intend to engage, and stick to it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a weak immune system. Whenever my son gets a cold, I get sick. Same for my husband. I have always been like this. In fact, my doctor recommended that I get the flu shot when my son got the flu earlier this year, because the chances were likely that I would get it. When I told my husband about this, he was outraged. He thinks doctors are just trying to pump people up with vaccinations. He thinks it’s ridiculous that I would take that approach.

I’m not exaggerating. I actually do get sick very easily. I think I should follow my doctor’s advice. How can I get my husband to understand? I worry that if I ever do get very ill, he won’t respond in the way that my doctor recommends. -- Health Advocate

DEAR HEALTH ADVOCATE: You must take care of yourself. Following your doctor’s directions is smart. You can also continue to educate your husband about your unique health concerns. Meanwhile, you may want to identify someone else in your life who would be willing to serve as your advocate if you ever need someone to be by your side speaking for you in an emergency situation. If your husband is not in alignment with you about your health challenges, he probably cannot adequately support you if you ever do have a health crisis or emergency.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)