DEAR HARRIETTE: I swore off social media about a year ago because I found it to be a distraction, and I really needed to get some work done. I gave myself a year, and now that I am there, I don’t know if I want to go back. I like being disengaged from the chatter, much of which doesn’t seem real. At the same time, I have a new project I’m working on, and social media can be very helpful in getting the word out. Any recommendations for how to balance if I go back in? -- Off Social Media

DEAR OFF SOCIAL MEDIA: You have the ability to choose how to use social media. It makes sense to engage your public for business purposes. Since you have not used social media for a year, your followers will be happy to hear from you, and you can set the parameters for engagement. You can state that you intend to use social media infrequently. You want to keep the peacefulness that you have established in your life, but you also want to keep in touch with them occasionally. Let your people know that you will pop up from time to time to share news about things that you think they may be interested in. Ask for their blessing for your new terms of engagement.

The reason you do this so graciously is that you want your people to support your upcoming project. You cannot come off as selfish, or you will lose people. To use social media, you will need to interact a bit with your people, beyond simply announcing your efforts. But you can limit it. Decide how often per week or month you intend to engage, and stick to it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a weak immune system. Whenever my son gets a cold, I get sick. Same for my husband. I have always been like this. In fact, my doctor recommended that I get the flu shot when my son got the flu earlier this year, because the chances were likely that I would get it. When I told my husband about this, he was outraged. He thinks doctors are just trying to pump people up with vaccinations. He thinks it’s ridiculous that I would take that approach.

I’m not exaggerating. I actually do get sick very easily. I think I should follow my doctor’s advice. How can I get my husband to understand? I worry that if I ever do get very ill, he won’t respond in the way that my doctor recommends. -- Health Advocate

DEAR HEALTH ADVOCATE: You must take care of yourself. Following your doctor’s directions is smart. You can also continue to educate your husband about your unique health concerns. Meanwhile, you may want to identify someone else in your life who would be willing to serve as your advocate if you ever need someone to be by your side speaking for you in an emergency situation. If your husband is not in alignment with you about your health challenges, he probably cannot adequately support you if you ever do have a health crisis or emergency.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been looking for work for about a year. Throughout this period, I have been talking to a few close friends about my search, as they are also looking for work. Recently, one friend told me about a job she is interviewing for that seems perfect for me. She even said as much when she mentioned it, though she agreed to the interview and asked me not to apply. I don’t think that’s fair. Truthfully, this job isn’t even in her field, but like all of us, she is just going for everything she can. Is it wrong for me to want to apply for a job that seems like a perfect fit even though my friend asked me not to? -- Should I Go For It?

DEAR SHOULD I GO FOR IT?: Unless you made a covenant with your friend not to apply for anything that the other goes for, you are not beholden to her request. You should know, however, that if you go for the interview and get the job, your friendship will probably suffer, at least in the short run.

In the best of worlds, you and your friends should use this moment as an opportunity for clarification of your interviewing process. If you have the nerves for it, bring it out in the open. The goal is that the best person for the job should get it, even when that includes two or more friends. You must realize that in most cases it won’t be just you and your friends being considered for a position. Agree to pump each other up, even if you are both going for the same thing. Trust that there is a perfect job for each of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has one class that is causing him a lot of stress. He is in high school and trying to be independent in terms of doing his homework and fending for himself. But I see that he is terrified of how he is managing in this class. I want to support him more actively. Because I am not good at the subject he’s struggling in, I want to get him a tutor. How can I convince him to consider it? I could force him, since he is a minor, but I don’t think that’s the right approach. -- Accept a Tutor

DEAR ACCEPT A TUTOR: Some students mistakenly believe that getting a tutor is an indication of failure. Your job is to encourage your son to recognize that a tutor can help him to understand what his teacher has failed to impart effectively to him. Since you are unable to clarify this knowledge, your job is to find someone who can help him. There is no shame in getting help. This is true in school and in life.

Make sure your son knows that it is a sign of strength to ask for help when you need it. A tutor can help him to master his understanding of a subject so that he can achieve whatever is before him. Encourage him to embrace the opportunity to have that support.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hung out with some friends and got an earful. My friends said that even though their children go to a predominantly white school, they have told their children that they had better not bring any white girls home as a date or to marry. They were adamant about this, completely unapologetic in their belief that their black children had better marry black. They went on to talk about the history of racism and segregation in our country as reasons for why they want their children to stick with their own. While I understand their point, I don’t like this attitude and don’t think it’s fair, considering that they have surrounded their kids with white people. What is your opinion on this? -- Racial Lines

DEAR RACIAL LINES: This is a tough situation to be in. In general, people often want their children to find partners in whatever their affinity group or groups may be. It is natural for people to want their children to choose like-minded people who share a similar history. It is also true in our culture that racism has created many deep-seated challenges that continue to fester hundreds of years after the end of slavery. All of this may figure into your friends’ views on who their children should date.

The challenge, in my view, is that people fall in love not based on race, but on a variety of other reasons that are out of your control. Further, people fall in love with the people they meet. If you surround your child with people from other cultures, it is natural that they may choose one of them as a partner. A parent’s efforts to control their child’s heart usually do not work.

My hope for my child -- and yours -- is that they find someone who loves, respects and supports them; who welcomes the fullness of who they are; and who is willing to grow together and learn from each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event recently and ran into a guy I have known for a long time who is a bit of a shady character. Several years ago, he “bought” something from me, but promised to pay a week later. I still haven’t gotten the check. When I saw him, I immediately remembered that he owes me money. Should I mention it to him or just let it go? When he saw me, he greeted me like we were long-lost friends with no issues between us. That’s not true. I still remember that he owes me money. -- Close the Deal

DEAR CLOSE THE DEAL: Since this failed deal continues to eat at you, speak to him about it. Let him know how disappointed you are that he would cheat you and never address it again. Tell him that you trust people to honor their commitments, and he has yet to honor the one he made with you. Ask him if he is ready now to make good on his payment. Remind him of the amount, and see what happens.

If he pays you, great. If not, let it go -- unless you are prepared to go to small claims court. This doesn’t mean you have to act like it never happened, but holding on to a grudge will hurt you, not him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)