DEAR HARRIETTE: I hung out with some friends and got an earful. My friends said that even though their children go to a predominantly white school, they have told their children that they had better not bring any white girls home as a date or to marry. They were adamant about this, completely unapologetic in their belief that their black children had better marry black. They went on to talk about the history of racism and segregation in our country as reasons for why they want their children to stick with their own. While I understand their point, I don’t like this attitude and don’t think it’s fair, considering that they have surrounded their kids with white people. What is your opinion on this? -- Racial Lines

DEAR RACIAL LINES: This is a tough situation to be in. In general, people often want their children to find partners in whatever their affinity group or groups may be. It is natural for people to want their children to choose like-minded people who share a similar history. It is also true in our culture that racism has created many deep-seated challenges that continue to fester hundreds of years after the end of slavery. All of this may figure into your friends’ views on who their children should date.

The challenge, in my view, is that people fall in love not based on race, but on a variety of other reasons that are out of your control. Further, people fall in love with the people they meet. If you surround your child with people from other cultures, it is natural that they may choose one of them as a partner. A parent’s efforts to control their child’s heart usually do not work.

My hope for my child -- and yours -- is that they find someone who loves, respects and supports them; who welcomes the fullness of who they are; and who is willing to grow together and learn from each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event recently and ran into a guy I have known for a long time who is a bit of a shady character. Several years ago, he “bought” something from me, but promised to pay a week later. I still haven’t gotten the check. When I saw him, I immediately remembered that he owes me money. Should I mention it to him or just let it go? When he saw me, he greeted me like we were long-lost friends with no issues between us. That’s not true. I still remember that he owes me money. -- Close the Deal

DEAR CLOSE THE DEAL: Since this failed deal continues to eat at you, speak to him about it. Let him know how disappointed you are that he would cheat you and never address it again. Tell him that you trust people to honor their commitments, and he has yet to honor the one he made with you. Ask him if he is ready now to make good on his payment. Remind him of the amount, and see what happens.

If he pays you, great. If not, let it go -- unless you are prepared to go to small claims court. This doesn’t mean you have to act like it never happened, but holding on to a grudge will hurt you, not him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter has started watching a TV series called “Sex Education” that I find somewhat disturbing, but I realize that it is useless to forbid her from watching it. All of her friends are watching it and talking about it, so if I ban it, I think she will still see it or at least learn about its content. The show is on Netflix and centers around high school kids and sexual activity.

I feel like such an old lady. I have watched an episode, and I am shocked by all that they reveal on this show. When I was growing up, there was NO conversation about sex. Now there’s a whole TV series that documents way too much, in my opinion. How can I address this with my daughter? -- Too Much Sex

DEAR TOO MUCH SEX: My approach to this series as well as other information that children and teenagers have access to is that we as parents must look at these encounters as teachable moments. You are right not to ban your daughter from watching it, as that either gets her to lie to you about watching it or creates awkward communication when what you need most is open dialogue.

You should watch the entire series. Watch it with your daughter if she’s game. Tell her that in order for you to agree for her to watch it, she has to be willing to discuss the content with you. Do your best to be a good listener. Ask her what she thinks about different things that occur in the show, whether she knows people who are engaging in these activities and what she is learning.

I have a teenage daughter, so I have watched the entire series; the storylines are compelling and can get you to thinking. Some of the behavior is much more direct than I experienced at their age, but the series does explore real relationships, safer sexual activity, family dynamics and more. Be informed, watch and talk with your daughter. Be sure to gently make your values and opinions clear as you listen carefully to her ideas.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going to the same hairdresser for several years. Usually he does a good job, though I often have to wait for hours to be seen. The last couple of times that I have gone, he has not been so good. I haven’t liked the cut or styling. When I have said something, my stylist has balked and told me to calm down or in some way has diminished my position. It is my hair! I need him to listen to me.

I’m thinking about changing salons and going to another stylist who has been recommended to me by a friend. Should I say something to my stylist before I jump ship? This is awkward, as working with a stylist is such a close relationship. What do you think? -- Breaking Up With Hair Stylist

BREAKING UP WITH HAIR STYLIST: Out of respect, tell your stylist that you have not been pleased for a while with his services, so you intend to take a break. If he asks to make it up to you, give him a chance. You can also step away, try the new stylist and see if it’s a better fit. In the end, this is business. It is your choice and your money.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two adult children -- one who is already independent, and another who is struggling. I’m really worried about him. He seems to have a lack of confidence, even though my husband and I have provided him with everything so that he could succeed. He got a great education and did fairly well in school. But his motivation is limited. He has a job, but not in his area of interest, and he seems to be floundering. He doesn’t make enough money to be on his own fully, so my husband and I supplement his income. He still lives at home. I’m not sure if this is helping. Do you think that he would get his act together if he were more motivated? What can we do to help him grow up and accept responsibility for his life? -- Leaving the Nest

DEAR LEAVING THE NEST: The reason mama birds push their babies out of the nest is to prove to them that they can fly. Why would they leave the comfort and protection of their parents’ wings if they didn’t have to? Remember this when you think about your son. The more you coddle him in the name of being kind and supportive parents, the greater the risk that he never leaves.

It’s time to get tough. Set boundaries for how long he can live at home. While at home, require him to pay rent even if you put it away to give to him later. Hold him accountable for his responsibilities, and talk firmly with him about his future. Be willing to let him suffer a bit. In order for it to become real for him that he is in charge of his destiny, he has to experience the consequences of not taking action to reach his goals.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I noticed that an old friend from college has posted on social media that she is having health and financial problems. She has asked for people to contribute to a crowdfunding campaign to help her get back on her feet. I get it and I feel for her, but I am not comfortable helping her in that way. We live in nearby towns. I would like to offer to see her and maybe bring her a meal. I am a good cook and would be happy to share with her in this way. Even though this isn’t what she asked for, I had the thought to email her and suggest that we get together. What do you think? -- Other Ways To Help

DEAR OTHER WAYS TO HELP: When people you know reach out for help, it is wonderful when you can take the time and consider how you can be of support to them. Your friend’s plea for money was a clarion call for you, in a different way perhaps than she intended. Your reaction and interest in supporting her directly are great.

Reach out and ask to see her. Tell her you want to bring her a home-cooked meal. If she agrees, get a sense of what’s going on with her and what kind of support you are willing to offer. She may need a sounding board or a referral for health services. Depending on how much time you can commit to her, your engagement may be worth far more than the few dollars you could have put in the fundraiser.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)