DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a question about bedtimes. My kids have always had a bedtime that is relatively early because I want to make sure that they get enough rest and are sharp the next day. Now that they are a little older -- eighth grade twins -- they are fighting me about staying up late. They want to go from a 9:30 p.m. bedtime to no curfew, especially on weekends. I am willing to budge a bit, but taking away the curfew entirely doesn’t seem to be a smart solution. What do you think? -- New Curfew

DEAR NEW CURFEW: Your children are at an age when they are beginning to learn independence. You can let up some and give them space to test their limits a bit. Decide on a time that will be lights out for the household for weeknights. Maybe that’s an hour later. Check on them once to see if they have settled, but stop being a monitor. If they struggle to get up or to focus on their work, remind them that they need enough rest. Pay attention to their studies and their grades. Even if they slip up a little, don’t get too strict immediately. Give them the chance to have some agency in their decision-making, which will allow them to notice what happens if they deprive themselves of the proper rest that they need to function.

On the weekends, consider allowing them no curfew for Friday and Saturday. Let them see how they manage their time. It is important for them to figure out how to listen to their own body clocks. This is a step in that direction.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made a commitment to connect with loved ones at least once a month this year after two of my friends passed away in 2019. We had spoken on the phone occasionally, but that’s not the same thing as seeing them in person. I loved my friends, and I realize that I just didn’t make enough time for them. I hate that I wasn’t more responsive when these friends reached out.

As I try to organize visits with my remaining friends, I have found that some people don’t share my enthusiasm. They barely want to talk and have no interest in a face-to-face meeting, even though I said I would come to them. How can I stay positive when others don’t share my view? Oddly, I feel like some of them are doing exactly what I did with the friends who are now gone. -- Reconnecting

DEAR RECONNECTING: Your idea is a great one, but you have to accept that not everybody shares your vision for connection. Instead of getting discouraged or angry, focus on the friends who agree to get together. Pace yourself, too. Your sense of urgency is great in that it is propelling you to take action, but be mindful of how you engage your friends. If they sense desperation or panic from you, your invitation may not seem as appealing. Chart out who you want to see, and extend invitations each month. Accept that you may not reconnect with everyone, but you are giving it your best effort.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Seemingly out of the blue, they are reading lots of books about race at my son’s school. Seriously, they have read three books back-to-back about racial injustice. While I think it is important for the kids to learn about these topics, it is making us uncomfortable. Not everything is about race, but you would never know from this class. I don’t have the knowledge or time to debate these issues with my son every day.

I’m not trying to be rude or insensitive. My husband and I work hard to make sure that our son is thoughtful and not racist, but we also don’t want him to feel super self-conscious about being white. He shouldn’t have to apologize for being himself. I don’t know how to support him as times change. I do teach him to treat everyone with respect, but does that mean I have to allow him to be exposed to so much conversation about the atrocities of racism? -- Too Much Race Talk

DEAR TOO MUCH RACE TALK: I need to respectfully disagree with you on this. Hopefully your son is in the perfect place to engage in a conversation that is necessary for healing in our country. The good news, in my book, is that schools are walking toward the challenge rather than avoiding it. Perhaps our youth will be able to wrestle issues of diversity, equity and inclusion in respectful, creative ways. Consider that this is the way you can think about the curriculum he is engaging, rather than as a burden.

I think you should read the books, too, so that you can have informed conversations with him about what he is learning. Your job as a parent is to guide your child and to help him process whatever information comes before him. The more you equip yourself with the conversations of the day coupled with your own experience, the better you will be able to help him navigate this extremely challenging reality -- that racial injustice is still staring us in the face, and we have to do something about it.

For support, visit courageousconversation.com. This organization is devoted to helping educational institutions -- from administrators to students to parents -- learn how to talk respectfully and honestly about the realities of race, equity, inclusion and diversity in meaningful ways.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hired a young woman to work with me this year fresh out of college. She is smart and personable. She knows how to do the job for the most part, but she has terrible basic manners. I am shocked that she doesn’t know how to eat using basic utensils. She doesn’t have an understanding of professional dress and what’s appropriate to wear to a business meeting or a special event after work. These may seem like small things, but they can make or break a person in their career. She is sensitive, and I’m not sure how to broach the subject. I want her to succeed, so I think she needs some guidance. What do you recommend? -- In Need of Etiquette Classes

DEAR IN NEED OF ETIQUETTE CLASSES: Invest in this young woman. If your HR department does not teach the basics of etiquette, send her to a class that will give her tips on how to present herself in a professional setting.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends has terminal cancer. He has tried everything to heal himself, which is actually a lot because he has money. He has traveled all over the world trying to find a doctor or therapy that will help him, but nothing is working. Now, it seems like he is slowing down. He is unwilling to accept that he may be dying soon, though. He still wants to hang out late, which I do not advise. But then I wonder if I should just support whatever he wants. He usually includes me at his fun events, but I see that he is failing. How can I best support him? -- Friend at the End

DEAR FRIEND AT THE END: First, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend’s health challenges. He has learned on a personal level that money does not buy everything, including health -- at least sometimes. Good for him that he used his resources to make the effort to heal himself. If he truly has exhausted all of his options, now is his time to live out his last days as he chooses.

You may be able to help your friend during this delicate period. If he will address the topic, find out if he has all of his papers and finances in order. Tell him that you want to help him, and you want to make sure his affairs are in order.

Rather than reprimanding him about how he spends his final days, do your best to be with him as much as you are able. Help him to savor his time left on Earth.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in a small apartment building. Most of the people who live here know each other, but it would be inaccurate to say that we are all friends. There’s one guy who lives one floor below me who has decided that he is my friend. He stops by at all times of the day and night without invitation. I don’t like that. I deserve to have my privacy and to entertain who I want, not just him because he keeps coming over. The last straw was when he rang my bell after midnight and kept ringing until I answered. He had been drinking and was loud and obnoxious. I ended up letting him in so that he wouldn’t wake up all the neighbors, but I don’t want to let him in anymore. How should I handle this? -- Setting Boundaries

DEAR SETTING BOUNDARIES: Start by talking to your neighbor and letting him know you are not happy with his uninvited visits. Point out how upset you were when he showed up drunk, loud and late the other night. Warn him that if he does that again, you will call the police.

Speak to a few of your other neighbors to let them know what is going on. It will be important for others to have your back. You have to stay strong, though, and enforce your boundaries.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)