DEAR HARRIETTE: I was married many years ago to a nice man, and I did not treat him well. I have never felt good about my behavior. Even though a lot of years have passed, I still think about that period in my life from time to time, and I cringe. As we get older, I keep thinking that I want to apologize to him. I don’t want to upset his life, though. He has remarried and has a family. I have not seen him for decades. If I can find his address, do you think it would be appropriate to send him a note of apology? Life is short, and many people I grew up with are dying. I don’t want either of us to die before I express my apology. -- Making Amends

DEAR MAKING AMENDS: Think carefully about what you want to say to this man. Do you believe that he will appreciate a sincere apology from you, or do you think it will just stir up old negative emotions? I ask that because it could be that you need to apologize in order to cleanse your soul, but he may not need to receive your apology. Sit with that for a bit to determine what your heart says.

If you believe he will value your apology, do your research and find an address for your ex. Carefully write your note. You may not need to go into details. Again, rubbing his nose in old wounds could be cruel. Just express your regret. Tell him you are not asking for anything. Instead, you just felt it was important that at this point in your life and after much reflection, you let him know how sorry you are for any pain you caused him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a client who is so cheap. No matter what the project is, she always nickel and dimes me. Whatever my fee normally is for a job, she demands that I give her a discount. Sometimes the discount she requires makes the job not worth doing. When I stand up for myself and tell her that I can’t go that low, she digs in. I have been passed over a couple of times for projects because she wouldn’t budge. At a certain point, I feel like I have to walk away if she is being too cheap. I have done the math, and some of these projects would equal less than minimum wage if she paid by the hour. That’s not fair. How can I get that across to her? Or should I even try? -- Cheap Client

DEAR CHEAP CLIENT: Take a hard look at the projects you have scheduled for this year and how important this client is to your bottom line. Ideally, you should work hard to replace this client. If she refuses to pay fair market value for your services, you would be better off finding clients who are willing to pay a fair wage.

For now, stop fighting with her. When she invites you to do a project, negotiate the best fee you can. But spend minimal time haggling with her. Pivot to soliciting new business for 2020!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe that my parents are alcoholics. They drink just about every night, and often they drink excessively. I can always tell when they have had too much because they get loud and obnoxious. I have spoken to my mom about this many times when she is sober. She blows me off.

I hate that this is how they live. It makes me feel really uncomfortable if I’m around them after about 8 p.m. I don’t live with them anymore, but I am close to them and do visit often. I’m beginning to think I should cut back on my visits. I hate being in the middle of their drunkenness. How can I get them to stop? I feel like I am losing my parents. -- Drunk Parents

DEAR DRUNK PARENTS: During a sober moment, ask your parents to sit down and talk to you. Be direct when you express your concern about their excessive drinking. Tell them how much you love them and how difficult it is for you to be around them when they are drunk. Beg them to curb their drinking.

But also put your foot down. Tell them you will not visit them when they are drunk because it is too hard for you to be a part of that. Chances are, they will be highly offended and defensive. Hold your ground. Give examples of their behavior if you need to. Being specific will limit the wiggle room they have to deflect.

Ultimately, though, you need to take care of yourself. You cannot control their behavior. You can choose to visit them earlier in the day. You can stay away for a bit so they can experience life without you in it. You should also go to Al-Anon, a 12-step program for people who have alcoholics in their lives and who are struggling with how to manage. Visit al-anon.org to find a meeting near you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is overly protective of me. He wants me to dress modestly and to avert my eyes when boys pay attention to me. He says it is bad manners for a girl to wear dresses above the knee or to talk to other boys when you have a boyfriend. I started off liking this guy, but now it feels weird. This is my first time having a boyfriend, so I’m not sure how it should work, but this doesn’t feel right. We go to the same school, so he is always around. I like the attention he gives me, but I feel uncomfortable about how he wants to control me. I’m a little afraid to speak up, because he is strong-willed. How can I be more assertive without losing him? -- Controlling Boyfriend

DEAR CONTROLLING BOYFRIEND: Your boyfriend is not exhibiting healthy behavior toward you. What you have described are red flags. I recommend that you end the relationship.

I know it’s exciting to have a boyfriend, but this boy does not accept you for who you are. A good boyfriend will celebrate you and make you feel loved, not controlled.

If you are afraid that he may retaliate, speak to your parents and to your guidance counselor at school. It may help to have adults looking out for you as you separate from this young man. You have to be strong to counter his manipulativeness. You can do it. Just keeping telling yourself that you are worthy of being loved for who you are. You do not need to change to meet a boy’s approval.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a nightclub with some of my friends from work, and while I was there, I saw one of my neighbor’s children. This guy has got to be underage. He is tall, so maybe that’s how he got in, but he’s definitely under 21. He was hanging out and drinking with a group of young people. He never seemed to get out of control, but he shouldn’t have been there, and he shouldn’t have been drinking. I spoke to him, so he knows that I saw him.

Should I tell his mother that I saw him? I know kids like to push the envelope. He may even have a fake ID -- I don’t know. I’m not trying to get him in trouble, but I think his mother legitimately should know that her son was in a place where he was too young to be. How should I address this? -- Minor Infraction

DEAR MINOR INFRACTION: As a parent, I would appreciate a heads-up if a neighbor saw my child at a nightclub. I would want to know even if my child was of age. What’s important is for you to share the facts without emotion or judgment. You should tell your neighbor that you saw him and what you observed about his behavior, including that he was always in control of himself when you saw him.

Many young people experiment with alcohol well before their 21st birthdays, but it is also smart to tell the mother that you saw him drinking. Safety is a serious concern for anyone who drinks. Who knows how he and his friends were traveling? In any case, informing his mother should prompt a conversation between them that may lead to him making smarter choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got an email request from a company asking me to give a recommendation for someone who worked with me many years ago. I vaguely remember the guy, but that’s it -- vaguely. I don’t remember the years he worked with me, what he did -- anything. This guy did not write to me to ask if I would write a letter of recommendation. I don’t even know how to contact him. I do recall that he was pleasant and that he left of his own accord. But that’s no recommendation. Do I ignore the request? Or do I write what I do recall? I don’t know what would be most helpful. -- Recommendation

DEAR RECOMMENDATION: Take a moment to recall whatever you can about working with this man. Do your best to remember -- at least in general terms -- what his job was. In your letter, speak to the man’s character, personality and skills to the best of your ability. Don’t make anything up. You can say he worked for you many years ago without giving exact dates.

If this man ever does contact you directly, let him know he would get a much better recommendation if he preps the people he’s planning on asking to help him in advance of them getting what may seem like a random request.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)