DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a nightclub with some of my friends from work, and while I was there, I saw one of my neighbor’s children. This guy has got to be underage. He is tall, so maybe that’s how he got in, but he’s definitely under 21. He was hanging out and drinking with a group of young people. He never seemed to get out of control, but he shouldn’t have been there, and he shouldn’t have been drinking. I spoke to him, so he knows that I saw him.

Should I tell his mother that I saw him? I know kids like to push the envelope. He may even have a fake ID -- I don’t know. I’m not trying to get him in trouble, but I think his mother legitimately should know that her son was in a place where he was too young to be. How should I address this? -- Minor Infraction

DEAR MINOR INFRACTION: As a parent, I would appreciate a heads-up if a neighbor saw my child at a nightclub. I would want to know even if my child was of age. What’s important is for you to share the facts without emotion or judgment. You should tell your neighbor that you saw him and what you observed about his behavior, including that he was always in control of himself when you saw him.

Many young people experiment with alcohol well before their 21st birthdays, but it is also smart to tell the mother that you saw him drinking. Safety is a serious concern for anyone who drinks. Who knows how he and his friends were traveling? In any case, informing his mother should prompt a conversation between them that may lead to him making smarter choices.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got an email request from a company asking me to give a recommendation for someone who worked with me many years ago. I vaguely remember the guy, but that’s it -- vaguely. I don’t remember the years he worked with me, what he did -- anything. This guy did not write to me to ask if I would write a letter of recommendation. I don’t even know how to contact him. I do recall that he was pleasant and that he left of his own accord. But that’s no recommendation. Do I ignore the request? Or do I write what I do recall? I don’t know what would be most helpful. -- Recommendation

DEAR RECOMMENDATION: Take a moment to recall whatever you can about working with this man. Do your best to remember -- at least in general terms -- what his job was. In your letter, speak to the man’s character, personality and skills to the best of your ability. Don’t make anything up. You can say he worked for you many years ago without giving exact dates.

If this man ever does contact you directly, let him know he would get a much better recommendation if he preps the people he’s planning on asking to help him in advance of them getting what may seem like a random request.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw a woman over the holidays who I had not seen for about 15 years. It was so nice to see her and to reconnect. One thing that bothered me, though, was that I could see that when she looked at me, she noticed that I have gained a lot of weight. She didn’t say anything, but I saw her see me. I feel bad enough that I no longer have the figure I had when I was younger.

I now have a child and never had a good exercise routine, so I’ve basically sat on my butt for many of the years since I have seen my friend. Well, not exactly -- I have been taking care of my active son.

Anyway, her glance was a wake-up call. I would like to get healthier. I hope it is not too late. It is hard to commit to it, though. Any ideas for how I can change my attitude and get fit? -- Wake-Up Call

DEAR WAKE-UP CALL: Consider the fact that you ran into this woman a blessing. Who knows what she was thinking? What you think is what matters. One thing that could motivate you to move your body more and get healthier is your son. If you want to be able to be strong and vital as he matures, you must take good care of yourself. That includes moving your body every day, eating well and paying attention to your health.

Go to your doctor and get a physical to find out if there are any medical concerns that you should address. Ask your doctor for recommendations for a fitness routine and nutritional program. You may be referred to a dietician. Follow your doctor’s directions. Whenever you feel yourself slipping, think of your son. Let him be your constant motivation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently moved to New York City, and I have a car. I like being able to drive whenever I want to get out of the city or go to another borough, but I get way too many parking tickets. Either I forget to move my car for alternate-side-of-the-street parking, or I inadvertently park in the wrong space. It is so confusing.

I’m thinking of selling my car. My friends are up in arms about this. They love that I have a car and can drive to places that we otherwise might not visit. They aren’t willing to help move my car or pay for tickets -- not that I would feel comfortable even asking them -- but they are pressuring me to keep my car. They have offered to chip in to pay for a garage, but that’s expensive, too. What should I do? -- Car in the City

DEAR CAR IN THE CITY: Evaluate your budget so that you are clear about what you can afford. Search for affordable garages. If you look in remote neighborhoods, the price for a parking lot goes down. Or you can recommit to paying closer attention to street parking so that you stop getting tickets.

In terms of your friends helping to foot a parking lot bill, you can consider that. But make sure that you understand their expectations. Will they expect to have access to your car at their leisure? Will they want to drive it? Outline what the parameters and boundaries are. You can try this shared payment for parking for a few months. Evaluate it carefully to see if it works for all. If nothing works, you can give up your car and choose to rent when you need wheels.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My children get mad at me because I’m old-school: I don’t care how old they are -- I don’t want them leaving home without putting on lotion. I can’t stand looking at ashy skin. It looks bad, but what’s worse is that your skin can crack if you don’t keep it moisturized. They hate it when I remind them. As long as they live under my roof, I want them to do the basic things needed to care for their skin. How can I get this point across without fussing all the time? It’s winter. It should be obvious to them. -- Dry Skin Dilemma

DEAR DRY SKIN DILEMMA: Some messages take forever to sink in. You should continue to remind them to moisturize their skin -- and to drink enough water, especially during this cold-weather season. You might want to get creative, too. Put a bottle of lotion or body cream in their room in a location that makes it very noticeable. Put a bottle near the sink in the bathroom as a reminder to lotion up before getting dressed.

Remind them with a smile on your face. Try not to be combative -- even if this is the millionth time you have told them to do it. Chances are, when they are grown and on their own, they will hear your voice in their head and tend to their skin, as they also remind their own children!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is dating a boy I do not like. She and my wife say they love him. I have not told them that I disapprove. I don’t like the way he talks to her. And he is distracting her from her studies. She has worked so hard to do well in school, but ever since she started seeing this guy, her grades have been slipping. What can I say to get her to focus on her studies again? I’m worried she will ignore whatever I say. -- Desperate Dad

DEAR DESPERATE DAD: Talk to your wife first, and point out that your daughter’s grades are slipping. Let her know that you are concerned about how your daughter is spending her time. Acknowledge that you believe your wife likes this young man. Point out that you don’t want to be the bad guy, but you do want to sound the alarm before your daughter’s life veers off track. Ask your wife to support you in talking to your daughter about paying closer attention to her schoolwork.

I recommend that you focus on her studies rather than the young man. Condemning him may make your daughter cling to him more. Instead, encourage her to reserve enough time to do her work. Suggest that she seems to be socializing a bit too much, and her schoolwork is suffering as a result.

Ideally, your daughter needs to come to the realization herself that this young man is a distraction to her. Your best bet is to keep your comments targeted to her schoolwork. When she thinks about what has been occupying her time, she may realize that she has to redirect some of her time and energy to bringing her grades up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)