DEAR HARRIETTE: My children get mad at me because I’m old-school: I don’t care how old they are -- I don’t want them leaving home without putting on lotion. I can’t stand looking at ashy skin. It looks bad, but what’s worse is that your skin can crack if you don’t keep it moisturized. They hate it when I remind them. As long as they live under my roof, I want them to do the basic things needed to care for their skin. How can I get this point across without fussing all the time? It’s winter. It should be obvious to them. -- Dry Skin Dilemma

DEAR DRY SKIN DILEMMA: Some messages take forever to sink in. You should continue to remind them to moisturize their skin -- and to drink enough water, especially during this cold-weather season. You might want to get creative, too. Put a bottle of lotion or body cream in their room in a location that makes it very noticeable. Put a bottle near the sink in the bathroom as a reminder to lotion up before getting dressed.

Remind them with a smile on your face. Try not to be combative -- even if this is the millionth time you have told them to do it. Chances are, when they are grown and on their own, they will hear your voice in their head and tend to their skin, as they also remind their own children!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is dating a boy I do not like. She and my wife say they love him. I have not told them that I disapprove. I don’t like the way he talks to her. And he is distracting her from her studies. She has worked so hard to do well in school, but ever since she started seeing this guy, her grades have been slipping. What can I say to get her to focus on her studies again? I’m worried she will ignore whatever I say. -- Desperate Dad

DEAR DESPERATE DAD: Talk to your wife first, and point out that your daughter’s grades are slipping. Let her know that you are concerned about how your daughter is spending her time. Acknowledge that you believe your wife likes this young man. Point out that you don’t want to be the bad guy, but you do want to sound the alarm before your daughter’s life veers off track. Ask your wife to support you in talking to your daughter about paying closer attention to her schoolwork.

I recommend that you focus on her studies rather than the young man. Condemning him may make your daughter cling to him more. Instead, encourage her to reserve enough time to do her work. Suggest that she seems to be socializing a bit too much, and her schoolwork is suffering as a result.

Ideally, your daughter needs to come to the realization herself that this young man is a distraction to her. Your best bet is to keep your comments targeted to her schoolwork. When she thinks about what has been occupying her time, she may realize that she has to redirect some of her time and energy to bringing her grades up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got called for jury duty. I had been able to dodge it for the past 10 years or so, but this time they said I have to come. I’m self-employed, and I can’t afford to take off this time. How can I make clear my circumstances? -- No Jury Duty

DEAR NO JURY DUTY: I understand your sentiment. Virtually nobody wants to serve on jury duty. Yet it is an integral part of the democratic process. In order to have a trial with an outcome determined by a jury of your peers, peers have to agree to serve. I challenge you to change your thinking about this.

Go in on the required date that your summons indicates. Let the attendant know the parameters of your service. Typically, you have to be available at least three days. For many people, one day of service ends up being enough. You spend a lot of time sitting and waiting to be called to be interviewed by attorneys who determine if you are right for their case. Juries are usually made up of 6 or 12 jurors, so most people are not chosen. Make sure you let all appropriate parties know when you must work so that you aren’t chosen for a potentially long trial.

The good news is that once you’ve served, you won’t have to serve again for at least four years.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In response to parents needing to talk with teens about sexual misconduct, are you aware of Rev. Scott Phelps’ Abstinence and Marriage Program? It is a down-to-earth curriculum for seventh through 12th graders. Many Illinois schools use the program as part of their sex education classes.

Parents are not parenting very much, so the schools must step up and parent. -- Concerned Grandmother

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDMOTHER: Thank you for sharing this program, which can be found at ampartnership.org. I do think that it is important for young people to learn about how to honor their bodies. The younger they learn this, the better off they are.

While the notion of abstinence before marriage seems antiquated for many, I do believe it is important for young people to know that it is a wise choice that they should soberly consider. We no longer live in a culture that preaches abstinence to stay out of hell, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth seriously contemplating.

I talk to teenagers on a regular basis and know that peer pressure is powerful. Regarding sex, often they have not talked to their parents about their values. Sometimes parents try to pressure their teens into making the choices they deem correct without having full discussions with them that address their ideas as well. I believe that exposing our young people to the importance of valuing their bodies as sacred and protecting them as such is important. When they have the knowledge and the tools to give voice to their own beliefs, they have the potential to make choices that serve them even if those beliefs are different from their friends’.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter talks to me about her life, including telling me about what her friends are doing relationship-wise. For the most part, they are still “innocent” -- meaning no sex, at least among her close friends. What they call “hooking up” is what my generation used to call “making out,” i.e. kissing and touching.

I’m relieved to know that my daughter hasn’t taken it further. She tells me she hasn’t met anyone yet to even do the hooking up with, but it feels inevitable. I’m trying to remember my teen years so that I can stay cool. I haven’t told her to wait until marriage or risk going to hell, but I do want her to wait. How can I convince her that she doesn’t have to rush into anything? -- Coming of Age

DEAR COMING OF AGE: Rather than instilling fear into your teenager, which rarely works in a healthy manner anyway, talk to your daughter about her body as her sacred vessel. Tell her that if she thinks of her physical being as precious, it will be easier for her to resist the hormonal temptation to be intimate before she is ready. Recommend that at the very least she refrain from sexual activity until she is in a committed relationship where she and her partner love each other. Note that it takes time and experience to reach that level in a relationship.

Meanwhile, it’s OK to hook up occasionally as she is discovering herself and her interests. Just be mindful of what her limitations are, and encourage her to make them known to whoever she is with. Also, remind her that she can always come to you to talk or for help without judgment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I reminded my son and my husband to get me a Christmas gift this year, and they did, but it was such an afterthought that it might have been better to get nothing. I have told my husband so many times that I care that he gets me something. Now that we have a son, it matters because I want my son to know that he should be thoughtful in gift-giving to his mother and any future partners.

Still, I became the last-minute gift recipient of one lame item while I spent days and weeks figuring out multiple items to get each of them. I know Christmas has passed, but I want them to understand how disappointed I am that they didn’t make me a priority. -- Afterthought

DEAR AFTERTHOUGHT: Rather than letting your hurt feelings fester, you should tell your family how you are feeling. Call a family meeting. Tell your husband and son that there is something on your mind that you need to address. Start by asking them how they enjoyed their Christmas this year. Ask them what their favorite gift was. Remind them of how important this holiday is to you and that you take gift-giving seriously. Tell them that while you appreciate that they got you something, it hurt your feelings that clearly little to no thought went into it. Point out that you believe you deserve for the family to be more attentive and thoughtful when it comes to you. Remind them that you spent a lot of time and effort getting what you thought were the perfect gifts for them. You would have appreciated even the smallest effort on their parts.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)