DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents broke up when I was a little kid. At first my dad would come around once or twice a month to see us, but after a few years, he hardly ever showed up.

I am now an adult. I live and work on my own, and my life is pretty good. I am about to get married, and I want to reconcile with my dad. I want him to be at my wedding and to be a part of my new life. I have contacted him, and he says he will come.

When I told my mother, she was upset. She says he hasn’t been in my life for anything, including paying child support. She can’t believe I want to have anything to do with him. How can I get her to understand that this is important to me? -- Reconciliation

DEAR RECONCILIATION: Your mother has a point. Beyond your father’s failings during your youth, which are sizeable, there is also the question as to where he stands today and whether he is ready, willing or able to be part of your life now. Just because you want this doesn’t mean it is going to happen.

Before your wedding, request a meeting with your father to have a heart-to-heart talk. If you are able to meet with him, tell him you want to listen and understand why he wasn’t there for you as a child. Explain that you want nothing more than for him to be in your life now, but you need assurances that he wants to build a relationship with you, too. Give yourself time to meet with him on a few occasions so that you can get to know each other as adults.

Figure out if you even want to have your father in your new life. If so, talk to your mother and let her know what you have done to begin to build a rapport with him. Ask for her blessing for you to make this effort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: So many people keep dying around me. I’m getting depressed. The old people are understandable, even though it’s sad, but recently several people who are my age, mid-50s, have come down with all kinds of diseases and are dying. I know that people get ill at all ages, but it’s hard for me to watch my friends slip away. How can I deal with so much death and stay positive? -- Death Toll

DEAR DEATH TOLL: Start by getting a complete physical so that you have an assessment of your own health. If there are any concerns that you need to attend to, focus on them now.

Next, take a good look at your life and the people who are still living who matter to you. Be conscious and intentional as you make your list. Then reach out to one of them for a call; try to schedule a meal, a visit or some other engagement with someone every week. If you continue to think about your loved ones who are alive, you may be able to stay positive through these difficult times.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two sons who love to play video games more than just about anything. They are middle schoolers, but they rarely want to go out and socialize. They do connect online with other kids who plays these games. I suppose I should be happy that they aren’t out roaming the streets, but it is weird to me that they are so absorbed in their games. It doesn’t seem healthy. How can I get them to come up for air? -- Video Game Overdose

DEAR VIDEO GAME OVERDOSE: You can limit the time that your sons are allowed to use their electronics and schedule other activities that will occupy them. It is important to have other things for them to do so that they don’t feel like they are being punished when they are not allowed to play their games.

Find out what else excites them. Start with school subjects. Does anything pique their interest that may get them to want to go out and explore? What museums might be of interest to them? Sporting activities?

If you can’t think of anything that is attractive to them, include them in things that you enjoy. The point is that you should replace their game time with interactive face-to-face engagements.

DEAR HARRIETTE: There have been a couple of racist and anti-Semitic incidents at my son’s school recently, and it is disturbing to the whole student body, the faculty and the parents. But I don’t see much being done about it. At my son’s old school, the leadership hosted discussions with the students and parents that were led by experts. At this school, there have been forums for the students to talk to the leadership, but they were unproductive and led to more division.

I want to recommend that the principal hire one of those diversity and inclusion experts to help the school deal with some pretty serious issues. How can I do that and be heard? There are so many accusations flying right now that I don’t think anybody is actually listening. -- Voice of Authority

DEAR VOICE OF AUTHORITY: Do your research and identify organizations or individuals who are known as experts in the field. Make a list of several choices that offer specific services at different rates. Figure out who your allies are at the school. In a best-case scenario, you would have allies on all sides -- with the administration, the students and the parents. Form a small group, and ask them to work with you to help present your findings and recommendations to leadership.

Request a meeting with the school principal. Outline your concerns and your reasons for why professional help may be advisable. If you meet with the principal and your small coalition of supporters, you will have a chance to get them to consider your idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to visit my sister, who is single and retired. We talk on the phone a lot, but we haven’t spent time together for a couple of years. I was surprised to see how sedentary her life has become. Basically she sits around and watches TV all day. She looks at romantic movies back-to-back from the time she wakes up until late at night. The only time she looks at anything else is when she is watching political news.

I thought I was going to lose it for the week that I was with her. I tried to get her to take walks with me. I suggested that we go to the mall or to visit friends. Nada. She just gets up, showers, cooks a few food items and sits in her chair. I am worried about her. This is no way to live. How can I get her motivated to get up and move and engage with her friends? -- Motivate My Sister

DEAR MOTIVATE MY SISTER: You may not be able to motivate your sister, but it is worth it to keep trying. Get her a fitness watch that can connect to yours. Encourage her to take walks in her neighborhood at the same time that you take walks in yours. Show her how you can stay connected and stay active. Perhaps you can entice her by suggesting that you watch a movie and take a walk. If you do both together, she may get inspired to join you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At my job, we usually get bonuses at the end of the year. This year, I did not get a bonus. We did have a modest holiday party, but that was it -- at least for me.

I have worked at this job for more than 10 years. I don’t know what happened. The big boss didn’t say anything about us not getting bonuses, but I surely didn’t get anything. I am afraid to ask my co-workers in case I’m the only one. But I wonder what happened. Should I ask my boss? -- No Bonus

DEAR NO BONUS: It’s worth it to ask your boss, privately, about bonuses and what happened. It’s unfortunate that nothing was said to the group, given that it has been common practice for the company to give bonuses. Talk to your boss to find out what happened. Ask the questions that you want answered, including whether anyone else got a bonus and whether the company is financially healthy. � It is important for you to learn what happened for several reasons, including getting a sense of how you are regarded in the company in relation to your peers -- especially if others received bonuses and you didn’t. If nobody received a bonus, that could be a sign that your company is in trouble, in which case you might want to start looking for a job.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)