DEAR HARRIETTE: I have pale skin that has begun to wrinkle, even though I’m barely 40. I already know from looking at my mother that I am destined to look like an old woman well before my time. Some of my friends have been getting collagen injections and Botox to smooth out their wrinkles. One of my colleagues went a step further and had plastic surgery. I don’t know what I should do, but I’m not ready to accept that I’m beginning to look like my grandmother. What do you recommend? -- Smooth Skin

DEAR SMOOTH SKIN: Go to a dermatologist and get a professional evaluation of your skin. Learn what you can do to keep your skin moisturized and supple. Find out if a cleansing routine that includes SPF will help. That requires no invasive treatment.

Ask about the levels of support that are available, from collagen and Botox all the way to plastic surgery. Talk about the pros and cons of each therapy, and get professional advice on what is recommended for your skin. Be sure to go to a dermatologist who is highly trained and respected.

If plastic surgery is an option, be sure to research a reputable doctor. Look at photos of patients the doctor has worked with so that you can figure out who is right for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who loves me a lot but talks to me in a harsh way. I find that when I am feeling vulnerable or upset about something, I cannot talk to her for fear that I will start crying. She doesn’t know how to be gentle. I don’t think she intends to be mean, but sometimes it seems like that.

I really do appreciate her support. She often has great ideas, but it’s hard for me to accept them when she comes across as so judgmental. Is there anything I can say to her to get her to soften her words? -- Sharp Tongue

DEAR SHARP TONGUE: On a day when you feel strong and clear, contact your friend and tell her you need to talk to her about something. Then, tell your friend that you love her and you know she loves you, but it hurts your feelings when she is harsh or judgmental when you are in a vulnerable space. Be prepared with specific examples of her engaging you in sharp ways so that you can illustrate your concerns. Tell her that sometimes you need her to just be kind and to bite her tongue rather than laying into you about whatever is going on.

Chances are, she won’t be aware of how abrupt she seems. That’s why you should give her a couple of examples so that she can understand what you are talking about. Describe a scenario, including what was happening, how you were feeling and how she engaged with you. Then tell her how you felt and what you would have preferred. Ask her if she understands.

Ultimately, you may not want to talk to her when you are feeling emotional or vulnerable in some way, as you are asking her to be different than she is. That may not work, and you will end up with hurt feelings.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy new year! Happy new decade! Have you thought about it? This year we are not only celebrating a new year, but we are stepping into a brand-new decade. The potential for each of us is enormous. I always look at the coming of the new year with hope and conviction. It is a blessing to wake up and face the world one more day. Somehow that blessing feels bigger when the new year comes around.

How can we make it bigger in our own lives? By being conscious and intentional in our thoughts, words and deeds. Too often, people stumble into the day, waking up late, rushing to get to a meeting, engagement or activity on time, attempting to avoid being late.

What if you took a different approach? What if you made the choice to get up a little earlier, carve out some quiet time to reflect on your plans, then execute your day? Allowing yourself a few minutes of peace to gather your thoughts and set your intention can make a the difference in how productive you are.

Since it is a new decade, you can also consider a two-track approach to your life. Write down your goals and objectives each day for your day-to-day responsibilities and desires. Then write a second list that includes your big-picture thinking. What are the goals that you want to fulfill this year and perhaps even over 10 years? What are your big ideas?

To unlock those ideas, I believe in meditation and vision boarding. Sit down for a few minutes a day and quietly ask yourself what’s on your heart. What do you want to do with your life? Breathe deeply and get as still as you can so that you can listen to the voice inside as it reveals information to you. Whatever comes up, write it down. Don’t judge. Just look at your harvest of ideas and notice if anything stands out.

Next, create a vision board. It sounds hard, but it’s not! Get a piece of cardboard and pull out some old newspapers, magazines or other visual material. Look through them and pick out words and images that speak to your dreams. Cut them out and put them on your board. Add words and phrases as they come to you. Place them on your board.

When you feel that you are finished, review your work and notice what you have created. This is where your big vision lies. From this vision board, create a tangible list of steps that you think will help you to manifest your big idea(s). The more specific and detailed you get in terms of steps, the more likely you will fulfill your dreams.

If you keep your two lists active and you look at them EVERY DAY, you will see results over time. Commit to spending one hour per day on your progress, and you will be amazed at how far you can get. This type of resolution is for a lifetime, not just the start of a year, which means that if you have days that you don’t pay attention, you just start again. Don’t think failure, think success. Ask yourself if you deserve to be successful. If so, recommit whenever you feel that you have been distracted. Keep track of your progress, and revel in each small victory!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a client who owes me a substantial amount of money, and I have been waiting for nearly five months for the check to come through. It’s crazy. Ninety days is standard for this company, but it’s almost double that now. When I asked about the payment about two months ago, I was assured that it would be paid in a matter of days. I don’t want to be annoying, but I do want my money. How should I proceed? I want to keep them as clients, so I need to tread lightly. -- Time To Pay up

DEAR TIME TO PAY UP: You have every right to follow up about your payment. Point out that you are now in a new year, and you had hoped to be up to date before now. Speak to your contact person and ask what the holdup is and whether you can physically come in to retrieve your check. If they pay electronically, ask to have the money transferred immediately. Press to learn when you can expect your payment. You can be firm without being rude. It is your money, and you deserve to have it. Let your client know that you have been patient, but you need this invoice to be paid. If you still get no response, you may have to go directly to accounts payable. Small claims court is a worst-case scenario.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is in high school. He is mainly a good student, but he struggles in a couple of classes. He comes home frustrated by certain lessons, including his inability to understand some of the things that one teacher is sharing. I have suggested that he request private time with the teacher to review his questions, but he says that doesn’t help. We had a meeting with his adviser to try to get some help, but he is still struggling.

Should I write to the principal or complain to the teacher? It is important for my son to pass these classes and to learn the material. I want to advocate for him, but I realize he is a teenager and should be speaking up for himself. -- When to Step in

DEAR WHEN TO STEP IN: Ideally, you should coach your son to be proactive. He needs to learn how to advocate for himself. But when he does not do so, you should step in and be his cheerleader. Ask him what he is doing to get the support he needs. Recommend that he meet with the teacher. Find out if he completes that loop. Ask him to speak to his adviser for guidance.

If none of these things work, then schedule a meeting with the teacher first, followed by the adviser and principal with your son, where you talk about his challenges and ask for support. If nothing works internally, consider hiring a tutor to help your son strengthen his understanding of the subject matter.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)