DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend my mother calls “sometime-y.” When he is interested, he is very attentive; when he is distracted, he could not care less. I have sent him texts with friendly messages and photos to lift him up during a tough period. Not once has he responded that he received even one communication. I get that I shouldn’t be upset because he is going through a rough patch, but this isn’t new behavior. Even during so-called good times, he disappears and doesn’t engage in what I consider to be a thoughtful way. It’s like he takes and takes, but only gives when he feels like it. I’m not sure how to react. I am tired of putting forth effort without even the tiniest acknowledgment. Do you have any ideas? -- Rude Friend
DEAR RUDE FRIEND: You have to decide when you have had enough. Your friend has shown you his colors. Now what are you going to do about it? Continuing to allow him to hurt your feelings because he doesn’t ever respond to you gets old fast. You need to accept this friend for who he is, as he is not going to change. But your behavior can change. If it hurts your feelings when he doesn’t close the loop in your communication, stop communicating with him.
Let go of whatever hold this man has over you. Focus on relationships with people who treat you the way you want to be treated. When you stop obsessing over him, he may come around, but don’t hold your breath. Move on!