DEAR READERS: Merry Christmas! On this day and throughout this week, we historically choose to celebrate. While this is a Christian holiday, it has become a marker for the time of year when family and friends pause from work and school and choose to spend time together. Yes, it can also represent the time when people spend way too much money lavishing each other with gifts.

My prayer is that every one of us will take a few minutes today and throughout the days leading up to the end of the year to practice gratitude. Let’s ask ourselves what brings us joy and happiness. Identify that for yourself, and allow the notion of it to flourish.

At the end of the year, many people become emotional and reflective. Yes, it is good to think about your life and your choices. It is also important to count your blessings and to actively choose to be grateful for all of the blessings in your life. When I proclaim that, I mean it for every single one of you. Recognizing that you have power in your own choices can help you through this time of year.

For those who are Christian, think about the meaning of this holiday, the time when Jesus was born. The birth story of Christ is one of mystery. This great being was born in a manger because there was “no room at the inn.” Despite poverty and hardship, he came into the world and led a movement that would change it forever.

Do you have the ability to look at your life and choose to hold onto the good things, even if you are experiencing difficulties, sadness or other friction? Do you think you can choose to live in the moment and claim whatever happiness is waiting there for you? Can you be your own radical thinker and decide to be positive and hopeful no matter what?

I believe that it is possible to seek happiness in a proactive way. How? When you find yourself in the company of family and friends, choose to notice the good things about each person. Resist the temptation to pick at your loved ones. Point out something noteworthy about each person that you can celebrate. It can be something superficial, like how the person looks. You can acknowledge a student for doing a great job this semester. You can compliment the cook. Rejoice at seeing people you have missed over the past year. The point here is to identify something to celebrate about others and about yourself -- and say it out loud.

For your part, if you don’t want to talk too much about yourself, choose a couple of things you can willingly say, and then pivot. Pick safe topics that you can insert in the conversation that will not lead to a probe. Because most people like to talk about themselves, you can get the attention off of yourself quickly if you ask a lot of questions. This, in turn, will protect your privacy, but do your best not to hide. Claim something positive about your life, and say it out loud. It doesn’t have to be earth-shattering, but it should be true. When you choose joy, you welcome others to do the same. And at the end of the day, you may just feel the happiness that you seek.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother-in-law is Jehovah’s Witness. She explained to me that this means she doesn’t celebrate any holidays. Her husband is a more mainstream Christian, so he does celebrate.

I’m so confused as to how to honor my mother-in-law and include her in our family festivities. In the past, I have invited my in-laws to come over during the holiday season, just not on Christmas Day. As they get older, though, I wonder if I should invite them to the dinner where everybody is present. I know they enjoy being together with everyone. But I worry that my mother-in-law might feel uncomfortable. What should I do? -- Being Welcoming

DEAR BEING WELCOMING: Talk to your mother-in-law, and share with her what’s on your mind. Tell her how much you want her to be part of the large family gathering. Point out the obvious: You do not want to offend her religious values and practices in any way, even as you truly want her to be part of all that you do this week. Ask her what you can do to make her feel comfortable. Invite her to attend. She may choose to come for the entire event or maybe at dessert, which will be after the height of the festivities.

Ask her if she would accept gifts from the family, or if you should alert them not to have gifts for her. If you speak directly with your mother-in-law, you should be able to find out where she stands. You may be surprised at her answers. What happens too often when families do not share religious beliefs is that people stop talking and awkwardly create space around whoever is in the minority. End that uncomfortable practice. Your conversation with your mother-in-law may open up an opportunity for a closer bond with her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a large family, and it is our tradition to give gifts to everybody. I can’t swing it this year. There are just too many people, and I have a mound of debt and just started a new job. What can I do to manage the family’s expectations? Children alone represent about 10 gifts. With the adults, it’s closer to 30. -- Cutting Back on Xmas

DEAR CUTTING BACK ON XMAS: You have a couple of choices. If you have the resources, get or make gifts for each of the children. Even the tiniest gifts will brighten young family members, because it shows that you remembered them. Even at the last minute, you can go to the dollar store to look for something that you can give to the 10 children.

For the rest of the family, consider something as simple as making greeting cards for each of them. A simple card that expresses your love for your family will make them smile and know that you are thinking of them -- without breaking the bank.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter loves rap music, and she is very upset right now. She says that her favorite artists keep dying. She went to a music festival a couple of months ago, and one of the artists, Juice Wrld, just died, possibly from an accidental overdose. About a year ago, another of her favorite artists, XXXTentacion, was murdered, just like another one who was trying to do good in his neighborhood, Nipsey Hussle.

My daughter is having a hard time processing so much death. She is a teenager, and life for them usually seems more fun than tragic. How can I console her and warn her at the same time? -- Facing Tragedy

DEAR FACING TRAGEDY: Death is hard to handle at any age, but especially when people you admire die so young. Talk to your daughter about her grief. Even though she did not know these artists, she and her friends probably feel a certain closeness to them because of their fame.

Use the moment to teach your daughter about being safe and making smart choices. Young people often don’t realize how dangerous prescription and illegal drugs can be. Talk to her about why she should not use drugs. Point out what you can verify about people who have died from overdoses. Don’t threaten her. Just call attention to the facts as you know them. Try not to focus on the artists who have died. Leave their memories at peace. Talk to your daughter about her choices, including what she puts into her body and where she goes. Reminding her about personal safety is essential as she spends more time out and about on her own.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m so worried about being with family this Christmas. We are a large family, and we’re even larger when you take into account all of the in-laws.

Even in normal times we fight over politics, money -- you name it. One of the grandmothers loves to meddle in the young folks’ business. The list goes on and on. My worry is that the discussions and debates could get ugly this year. We have conservatives and liberals in our family, and just as the country is divided, so is our family. Do you think there is anything I can say or do to get the family to avoid fighting? -- Make a Truce

DEAR MAKE A TRUCE: Call to remind everyone of the time that you will gather. Suggest that you will do things differently as a family this year. Invite family members to stay positive all day -- no matter what. Whenever they feel like criticism is bubbling up, recommend that somebody change the subject. You can make it a game. Whoever is able to pivot away from the most fights gets a prize -- perhaps some food item that they love.

If things do get tense during the day, encourage people to walk away from the conversation rather than jump into an argument. If you keep vigilant, preferably along with another cousin or sibling, this just may work!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)