DEAR HARRIETTE: My 8-year-old son was invited to go skiing with some of his friends from school during winter break. This sounds like a lot of fun -- and scary. My son has never skied before. I’m nervous that his friends, who have been skiing since they were 5, will abandon him.

I want to give my son this opportunity. I have a friendly relationship with his friend’s parents. I can reach out to them to learn more about the trip, but I don’t know how much these adults can protect him physically or emotionally. How should I handle it? -- Novice Skier

DEAR NOVICE SKIER: You definitely should contact the boy’s parents to learn more about the trip and to describe your son’s abilities. Let them know that you want your son to be able to join the fun, but you have some reservations about whether he will fit in as the one boy who hasn’t skied before. Ask for their insights.

Your son will have to take lessons on the bunny slopes first in order to learn the basics of skiing. He should not be allowed to go on slopes that would be too hard or dangerous for him to manage. There will surely be other people on the bunny slopes. It would be great if the others go with him in the beginning. Find out from the parents if they believe the others will look out for your son. If they think he will be OK, let him try it out. There may be some awkward moments, but chances are, the fun will outweigh the discomfort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two adult children, and one still lives at home. He went away to college, but hasn’t gotten on his feet yet. He hasn’t found a job of any kind for the past two years. When my wife and I point out to him that he should try to get any type of job if he is unable to find what he went to school for, he says that menial work is below him. I had a job at 15 years old. I know he can find something, but he just bums around at home, sad and dejected. How can I get him motivated? -- Up and Out

DEAR UP AND OUT: Give your son an ultimatum, which should provide him with momentum. Tell him he has to pay rent in order to live at home. He would have to pay rent anywhere else he might live. (You can save the rent to give back to him when he gets on his feet, if you like, but don’t tell him.) Help him to create a schedule that includes making a certain number of overtures each day to look for a job.

Coach him on work. Remind him that while he is searching for the perfect job, he must find something. He should look to see if there are any last-minute holiday jobs available in your town. Retailers and delivery services usually ramp up during this time of year. If he balks at that, point out that it will get him out there as it also puts a few dollars in his pocket. He needs to work at something in order to keep his confidence up.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A note was posted on my apartment door informing the tenants that one of the long-time handymen in the building is ill and won’t be coming back. The person who posted this notice asked if we, the tenants, would make a donation to help him during his time of need.

I feel sorry for this man, but I never had much interaction with him. I would see him in the morning sometimes when he was collecting the trash or sweeping the hallways. He doesn’t speak English, so we didn’t ever say more than “good morning” or “thank you.” Should I make a donation even though I hardly spoke to the man? -- Helping Hand

DEAR HELPING HAND: In a word -- YES! You might be amazed to learn how much this man has done to create comfort for you quietly, behind the scenes.

Too often, handymen, porters, concierges, front desk attendants and other support staff are overlooked. (The holiday season is the one time when tips are expected.) But they rarely make high wages, so the contributions that you and the other tenants make will likely go far to help this man during his time of need. Give generously as soon as you can! Add a card expressing your wishes for his improved health.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my best friends loves the outdoors and the cold. I love the heat and the beach. Now that the winter weather is here, I don’t spend too much time outside.

We sometimes walk together in the park for exercise, and my friend has invited me to walk with her for the next week or so, when the weather forecast predicts 30 degrees or below. She considers this mild. I consider it prime weather to trigger an asthma attack. I hate to bring up my health issues, but I don’t want to risk an uncontrollable coughing fit in order to accommodate her request. How should I handle this? I know she thinks I’m a wuss when I turn down certain exercise activities, but this one doesn’t sound smart for me. -- Block the Cold

DEAR BLOCK THE COLD: You know your body; pay attention to it. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t walk outside with your friend. Assess your winter wardrobe. Do you have a warm hat, scarf, coat and gloves? You should have something to block the wind and cold from your face. Test out your gear. After all, you do have to go outside in the weather, even when you are not with her. What would you normally wear? Figure out how to dress to protect yourself. Then test to see how long you can stay outside in the cold without triggering a coughing fit. Tell your friend you will try. Make sure you have your inhaler in case you have a problem. I’d suggest limiting your walk to less than 30 minutes to avoid getting too cold.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: We are approaching the end of this year, and I hate to admit it, but I have not reached the goals I set for myself back in January. It seems like the year has zipped by. I worked a lot, but not on the things that I had prioritized. I have mainly done the status quo: working to pay the bills, seeing my friends a little bit, communicating more on social media than anything and mostly being isolated. I haven’t had the money to hang out with people, so I have become a bit of a homebody. But now I see that my choices have left me squarely where I was a year ago, though probably about 15 pounds heavier. I am disgusted with myself. What can I do to be more committed now? I know it’s too late for this year, but I don’t want to give up on myself. -- Dashed Intentions

DEAR DASHED INTENTIONS: Every day that you wake up presents a new opportunity to set an intention and follow through on it. I think part of the problem with New Year’s resolutions is that they are often unwieldy or vague and virtually impossible to manage.

Forget about what you pledged earlier this year. Take a good, hard look at today. What do you need to do to make yourself happy? Make a list of 10 things that you would like to accomplish that can lead you to your goals. Make them concrete and manageable. For example, if losing weight is one of them, add more detail, such as cutting out sugar for a month -- then counting down each day of the month -- or working out three days a week -- then marking the days on the calendar and scheduling your workout time so that you don’t miss it. The same can go for career goals, in-person connections with friends and loved ones and so on. If you break down each goal into small steps, you can check off the steps as you accomplish them. This should make you happy!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle has been ill on and off all his life. He's currently sick. The trouble is that when he gets ill, he puts up an imaginary protective bubble around himself, which no one can enter. When you ask his wife what's happening, she won't answer. Each successive bout of illness has put that much more strain on my uncle's system. Nobody knows what's wrong, but I fear he'll pass away soon. I want to see him again before he dies; if I don't, I'm afraid I'll regret it. However, he's emphatic about not letting anyone in right now. I desperately need to know what's wrong. How can I solve these conundrums and find answers before I lose my uncle? -- Last Wishes

DEAR LAST WISHES: Chances are, you will have the best chance of seeing your uncle again if you stop asking what’s wrong with him. Clearly, your aunt and uncle have decided they don’t want to talk about your uncle’s health. Accept that you cannot control your uncle’s fate. Tell your aunt that you miss them and want to visit. Be direct and let her know that you want to be able to say goodbye before your uncle passes. Promise that you won’t stay long. If she refuses, pray for them and accept that you may not be able to see him again. She is doing the best she can, so try not to get mad at her

.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)