DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has been dating the same boy for two years. They seem to be in love. We like him and his family.
About six months ago, my daughter came to me to ask me to help her get birth control. We talked about what she was considering, and I helped her. I did not tell my husband. He is very conservative and would be upset to learn that his daughter is no longer a virgin. I was being practical. Whether or not I helped her, she was making the decision to be sexually active. I feel bad, though, keeping this from my husband.
The young man recently asked to marry our daughter. Should I keep this secret to myself, or should I tell my husband that they are already intimate? -- My Daughter’s Secret
DEAR MY DAUGHTER’S SECRET: Now would not be the time for you to come clean about your daughter’s sexual history. Clearly, she and her boyfriend are preparing to formalize their relationship. This is great news. Your daughter’s intimate relationship with her boyfriend is her business. Let her have control over that. Instead of fretting over what you didn’t share with your husband, pay attention to the future. Talk to your husband about how the two of you can support them as they start their life together. Invite him to participate in the wedding plans. Ultimately, his wish for his daughter is coming true. He does not need to know the details of how they got there.