DEAR HARRIETTE: I suspect that my teenage son is gay, but he won’t talk to me about his life at all. I want to be supportive, and I have a male friend who is gay. Do you think it is appropriate for me to talk to my friend about this? I want to ask him if he would try to talk to my son to get a sense of where his head is and whether he needs someone to talk to who understands what’s happening in his life. -- Sounding Board
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DEAR SOUNDING BOARD: Figuring out who you are is a lifelong activity, and for teens, it can seem overwhelming.
It is daunting to be a parent who has a suspicion but cannot get their child to talk. This is where the “village” comes in. Your friend may be able to serve in that role. But here’s an important question: Does your son know your friend already? It may be difficult to get your son to open up to someone who is a stranger. Still, it’s worth a try. Perhaps you can create a casual introduction where you invite this friend to come over, and you can see if they strike up a conversation. What probably won’t work is for this guy to start talking about being gay without a natural entree.
Apart from that, pay attention to your son. Tell him you want to support him as he goes through these teenage years. Ask him if he is interested in anybody at school, or if he wants to date at all. Don’t pry. Just ask a few questions.
By the way, this is what you should do regardless of your child’s sexual orientation. Do your best to stay close to your son so that as his life unfolds, he will want to talk to you about it.