DEAR HARRIETTE: I suspect that my teenage son is gay, but he won’t talk to me about his life at all. I want to be supportive, and I have a male friend who is gay. Do you think it is appropriate for me to talk to my friend about this? I want to ask him if he would try to talk to my son to get a sense of where his head is and whether he needs someone to talk to who understands what’s happening in his life. -- Sounding Board

DEAR SOUNDING BOARD: Figuring out who you are is a lifelong activity, and for teens, it can seem overwhelming.

It is daunting to be a parent who has a suspicion but cannot get their child to talk. This is where the “village” comes in. Your friend may be able to serve in that role. But here’s an important question: Does your son know your friend already? It may be difficult to get your son to open up to someone who is a stranger. Still, it’s worth a try. Perhaps you can create a casual introduction where you invite this friend to come over, and you can see if they strike up a conversation. What probably won’t work is for this guy to start talking about being gay without a natural entree.

Apart from that, pay attention to your son. Tell him you want to support him as he goes through these teenage years. Ask him if he is interested in anybody at school, or if he wants to date at all. Don’t pry. Just ask a few questions.

By the way, this is what you should do regardless of your child’s sexual orientation. Do your best to stay close to your son so that as his life unfolds, he will want to talk to you about it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was at a holiday party at a friend’s house, and we were all having a great time when my client called my cell. It was late at night, but it was also the night before a big project we were working on.

Anyhow, my phone was sitting on the kitchen table when it rang, and a guy who was there -- who was decidedly drunk -- picked up my phone, answered it and started yelling and cursing. I don’t even know what all he said. I tried to get my phone from him once I realized he had it, but he held it above his head. It was a surreal experience, like we had all reverted back to elementary school. My client was shocked. She texted, asking who had answered my phone. I immediately texted back that it was a guest at this party and not someone I knew. I apologized, but I have been getting the cold shoulder ever since. How can I fix this? -- Mending a Fence

DEAR MENDING A FENCE: Reach out to your client once more, and let her know that you realize how unfortunate the incident was when the man you don’t know held your phone hostage. Remind her that you were not in control of your phone. From there, you should pivot to the work at hand. If you are working on a project for her, focus on that. Make sure you do a great job so that you remind her of who you are and your value to her company.

In the future, don’t leave your phone out so that you can stop such a childish thing from happening. Having it in your possession at all times also prevents potential theft.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine got displaced recently. Her neighborhood is being gentrified, and her apartment building was sold. She had no choice but to move -- even though she had lived there for more than 20 years. It was awful. She told me that she was moving out west, but I realize I have no idea where she is. I have tried to reach her, but I’ve only gotten to her through social media. We used to talk periodically. I am worried that she is not doing well. What do I do? -- Displaced Friend

DEAR DISPLACED FRIEND: Sadly, when people are displaced, like your friend, life can get tough -- and fast. So-called “gentrification” does boost rental rates and often improves the businesses, safety and overall appeal of a neighborhood. The downside is that often, many people and businesses lose the ability to stay in the neighborhood they love.

Your friend may not be ready to talk to you, which is why she is somewhat off the grid. That doesn’t mean that you should stop reaching out. The good news about social media is that at least she can see that you are contacting her to let her know that you care and that you want to be in touch with her. Rather than pressuring her to respond to you, just send her positive messages that let her know she is on your mind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother is racist. I used to be able to ignore it just to make peace with the family, but now I am engaged to a Mexican man. My grandmother has said all kinds of racist things to or near my fiance. Like, she muttered under her breath once that she wondered whether he was here legally, even though she knows that he was born here. (His parents were born in Mexico.) Another time, she and my aunt started talking about another ethnic group, saying that they are stealing “our jobs.” It was obvious that they were picking at my fiance, but I wasn’t sure what to say.

How can I address this with my grandmother? If she doesn’t stop, my fiance asked that we not invite her to our wedding. She is rude, and we don’t want her or her daughter, my aunt, to offend his relatives. -- Racist Grandma

DEAR RACIST GRANDMA: Talk to your parents first to let them know your concerns. Ask for their support. Then call a meeting with your grandmother, your aunt and your parents. Be direct about your concerns. Let them know that you do not appreciate the negative, racist comments that they have been making. Remind them that you are about to marry the man you love, and you need them to respect him and his family; therefore, they need to keep their comments to themselves.

Speak directly to your grandmother and aunt, and share with them the things that offended you. Ask them to stop. If they refuse, let them know that you will not be inviting them to your wedding because they are being disrespectful to the man who is going to become your husband.

Know that this a huge step to take. It may mean that your family will be divided if you cannot come to terms. But you have every right to expect your family to treat your soon-to-be husband with love and kindness.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has started hanging out with a group of boys who are constantly getting into trouble. He is in the ninth grade at a new school, and I know he has had to figure out how to fit in, but what he is doing is not good for him. They have gotten in trouble for smoking marijuana on school property and drinking at a party with a bunch of other kids.

I know that teenagers try things, but I need my son to understand that his choices matter. How can I get him to take his actions seriously without coming across as a shrill mother who is overly protective? -- Helping My Boy

DEAR HELPING MY BOY: Pick a time to talk to your son when neither of you is distracted by other activities. You want to be calm, even-tempered and not accusatory. Talk to your son about life and the future. Let him know that you are disappointed that he has been making choices that compromise his reputation and that could put him in an adversarial relationship with law. Remind him that even though he is young, his actions matter, and what he does today will not necessarily be forgotten tomorrow.

Ask him if he has started to think about what he wants to do with his life. Explore his interests. In what subjects does he excel in school? What attracts his attention? Do your best to get him to think about what he wants to do with his life; encourage him to focus on those areas. The best way to get him to pivot from his current behavior is to help him explore something else that he may enjoy more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, my alma mater had our annual homecoming celebration. A couple of weeks later, one of my classmates who was there died. This is so sad and tragic.

We are getting to the age when more people are leaving us, but this one was shocking. I did not know that this friend was ill. We are all in our 50s, and things are beginning to break down. But I had no idea that this guy -- or any of us -- was close to death. Now I am freaking out about who might be next. I also keep wondering if it will be me. I feel like I’m in the prime of my life with a growing family and a good job. What if I died tomorrow? I’m finding it hard to talk to my wife about this, but I know that my attitude isn’t good. I am afraid. What should I do? -- Facing Mortality

DEAR FACING MORTALITY: When people close to us die, it can shake us into a new sense of reality. Of course you know that people die at all ages for a wide variety of reasons, illness among them. Consider this a wake-up call for your own health. Go to your doctor and get a complete physical. Find out the status of your health, and do whatever is necessary to remain as healthy as possible. Know that your wife will probably welcome an open and honest conversation about health. Go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)