DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine got displaced recently. Her neighborhood is being gentrified, and her apartment building was sold. She had no choice but to move -- even though she had lived there for more than 20 years. It was awful. She told me that she was moving out west, but I realize I have no idea where she is. I have tried to reach her, but I’ve only gotten to her through social media. We used to talk periodically. I am worried that she is not doing well. What do I do? -- Displaced Friend

DEAR DISPLACED FRIEND: Sadly, when people are displaced, like your friend, life can get tough -- and fast. So-called “gentrification” does boost rental rates and often improves the businesses, safety and overall appeal of a neighborhood. The downside is that often, many people and businesses lose the ability to stay in the neighborhood they love.

Your friend may not be ready to talk to you, which is why she is somewhat off the grid. That doesn’t mean that you should stop reaching out. The good news about social media is that at least she can see that you are contacting her to let her know that you care and that you want to be in touch with her. Rather than pressuring her to respond to you, just send her positive messages that let her know she is on your mind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother is racist. I used to be able to ignore it just to make peace with the family, but now I am engaged to a Mexican man. My grandmother has said all kinds of racist things to or near my fiance. Like, she muttered under her breath once that she wondered whether he was here legally, even though she knows that he was born here. (His parents were born in Mexico.) Another time, she and my aunt started talking about another ethnic group, saying that they are stealing “our jobs.” It was obvious that they were picking at my fiance, but I wasn’t sure what to say.

How can I address this with my grandmother? If she doesn’t stop, my fiance asked that we not invite her to our wedding. She is rude, and we don’t want her or her daughter, my aunt, to offend his relatives. -- Racist Grandma

DEAR RACIST GRANDMA: Talk to your parents first to let them know your concerns. Ask for their support. Then call a meeting with your grandmother, your aunt and your parents. Be direct about your concerns. Let them know that you do not appreciate the negative, racist comments that they have been making. Remind them that you are about to marry the man you love, and you need them to respect him and his family; therefore, they need to keep their comments to themselves.

Speak directly to your grandmother and aunt, and share with them the things that offended you. Ask them to stop. If they refuse, let them know that you will not be inviting them to your wedding because they are being disrespectful to the man who is going to become your husband.

Know that this a huge step to take. It may mean that your family will be divided if you cannot come to terms. But you have every right to expect your family to treat your soon-to-be husband with love and kindness.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has started hanging out with a group of boys who are constantly getting into trouble. He is in the ninth grade at a new school, and I know he has had to figure out how to fit in, but what he is doing is not good for him. They have gotten in trouble for smoking marijuana on school property and drinking at a party with a bunch of other kids.

I know that teenagers try things, but I need my son to understand that his choices matter. How can I get him to take his actions seriously without coming across as a shrill mother who is overly protective? -- Helping My Boy

DEAR HELPING MY BOY: Pick a time to talk to your son when neither of you is distracted by other activities. You want to be calm, even-tempered and not accusatory. Talk to your son about life and the future. Let him know that you are disappointed that he has been making choices that compromise his reputation and that could put him in an adversarial relationship with law. Remind him that even though he is young, his actions matter, and what he does today will not necessarily be forgotten tomorrow.

Ask him if he has started to think about what he wants to do with his life. Explore his interests. In what subjects does he excel in school? What attracts his attention? Do your best to get him to think about what he wants to do with his life; encourage him to focus on those areas. The best way to get him to pivot from his current behavior is to help him explore something else that he may enjoy more.

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, my alma mater had our annual homecoming celebration. A couple of weeks later, one of my classmates who was there died. This is so sad and tragic.

We are getting to the age when more people are leaving us, but this one was shocking. I did not know that this friend was ill. We are all in our 50s, and things are beginning to break down. But I had no idea that this guy -- or any of us -- was close to death. Now I am freaking out about who might be next. I also keep wondering if it will be me. I feel like I’m in the prime of my life with a growing family and a good job. What if I died tomorrow? I’m finding it hard to talk to my wife about this, but I know that my attitude isn’t good. I am afraid. What should I do? -- Facing Mortality

DEAR FACING MORTALITY: When people close to us die, it can shake us into a new sense of reality. Of course you know that people die at all ages for a wide variety of reasons, illness among them. Consider this a wake-up call for your own health. Go to your doctor and get a complete physical. Find out the status of your health, and do whatever is necessary to remain as healthy as possible. Know that your wife will probably welcome an open and honest conversation about health. Go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a love-hate relationship with my cousin. We have become close in recent years, but he also gets on my nerves.

He recently moved back to our hometown because he lost his job, and he couldn’t afford to stay where he was living. Both of his parents are dead, so he really is alone. That said, he constantly calls me. Sometimes he calls twice a day to talk about nothing. I get that friends do that, but he goes overboard.

I don’t want to walk away from my cousin, but I do not know how to keep some boundaries in my life and, at the same time, get to know him better. I don’t want to shut the door on him. -- How To Connect

DEAR HOW TO CONNECT: You have to create boundaries with your cousin, just as you would with anybody else. You can continue to get to know him without having to agree to connect with him whenever he chooses. Figure out what healthy engagement with him looks like. Is it once a week? Once a month? A couple of days a week? Now think about how often you actually do communicate with him. If you speak far more frequently than you’d like, pull back. You can even tell your cousin that your schedule is full, and you will not be able to speak to him as frequently as you have up to now. If he continues to call too often, let the calls go to voicemail when you are unavailable.

You will have to train him to recognize that when you are unavailable, you really will not connect with him. If you do that successfully for a few months, he should get the message.

It is essential to understand that by limiting your engagement with him, you are not loving him less. Instead, you are respecting yourself and your time and also creating a healthy space to engage with him in a positive manner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for three months. A month ago, he asked me to be his “girlfriend,” which was very sweet, and I accepted. We are in community college together.

Since we have been dating for this long and are now committed, should I get him a Christmas gift? If so, what is appropriate? I really don’t want to overplay my hand. In the past, I have gone all out for boyfriends -- only to get burned. I want to be appropriate, but I also want to show him that I like him. What should I do? -- Gifting for New Beau

DEAR GIFTING FOR NEW BEAU: Why not use this as an opportunity to get to know your boyfriend better? Ask him about his family’s holiday rituals. Find out what he did as a child for the holidays, including gift-giving.

You can also be direct about gifting between the two of you. Ask him if he would like to exchange gifts with you for the holidays. If so, talk about what you both would like as gifts. A friend of mine used to make rules around gift-giving with her partner. They would set low price limits and see how creative they could be in coming up with the perfect gift. You can make the gifting experience fun if you do it together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)