DEAR HARRIETTE: I have 10-year-old twin sons. Over the years, my husband and I have often given them the same gifts for holidays. We have done that in part because they are so similar. They are identical, and they spend most of their time together. This year, one of my twins took me aside and asked me to get him something very different from his brother. He further asked if I wouldn’t tell his brother because he didn’t want him to decide he wanted the same thing.

My boy is expressing his individuality, which is great. But now I’m wondering if I have been missing cues all along because they are identical. I know that they are two different people, but even I, as their mother, get forgetful because they are so similar. How can I be more attentive to both of my boys? -- Twin Blues

DEAR TWIN BLUES: Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, start having individual conversations with your boys on a regular basis, and listen carefully to what they say. Pay attention to learn their particular interests, likes and dislikes. Discover what makes each of them unique. As they grow up, they will continue to come into personal awareness of who they are and what makes them happy. Your job as their mother is to listen and respond accordingly.

You can start this season by getting the one twin what he has requested. You should also talk to the other twin to get a sense of his interests. Be careful, though, not to talk about what his brother has requested. Build an independent bond with him, and learn what he has to share with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I noticed on social media that a college friend is very ill. I called her to check on her, and she was in the hospital. She sounded terrible and scared. I listened to her as long as she was able to talk before a doctor came in. I feel so bad for her, but I don’t know how to help. She lives several states away, and I simply cannot go to see her now. It is hard for her to talk on the phone because her breathing is compromised. How can I help her without causing her more pain? -- Friend in Need

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: You can text your friend to let her know you are thinking about her. Feel free to go old-school and send her a card, flowers or a plant. Pay attention to her. Since she is using social media, you can write pleasant messages to her on her favorite site, encouraging her and offering your blessings. But for a more intimate engagement, write to her directly.

You can call her, but let her know that you will do the talking, since her speaking is compromised. You can share stories with her about your life. You can tell her things about mutual friends. You can ask her if she needs support. She can write down her needs or tell you in brief bits of communication.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I belong to a public service organization that is largely dysfunctional. I know that’s a bold statement, but I’m not kidding. I joined thinking that we were going to do good work for children in need in our community, but it looks like what we do more than anything is argue and bicker over little things that shouldn’t matter. I have tried to speak up for the people we are supposed to represent, but I feel like the arguing is drowning out the good work that we are trying to do. I feel like it is time for me to resign my position. Some friends in the organization are encouraging me to run for president instead. I just don’t think that I can make a big enough difference, even if I could win. I’m also not a quitter. What should I do? -- Wanting the Best

DEAR WANTING THE BEST: Human dynamics can get in the way of humanitarian work, unfortunately. If you ask around, you will probably hear that bickering is the culprit for many a dashed dream. That said, in your case you have to decide if you have the energy and coalition around you to fight for the children. You are right that you cannot do it by yourself, but if you have a large enough group of active members who would be willing to support you if you did take over the leadership, go for it. Walking away will not likely wake the group to better behavior.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Three of my college friends are getting married this summer. I am close to all of them and want to attend all three weddings, but I already know that I will have to make some cuts. One is in our hometown. Two are destination weddings. I can probably go to one of the travel weddings, but not both. How do I decide? And what do I say to my friend whose wedding I cannot attend? -- Wedding Blues

DEAR WEDDING BLUES: When wedding season arrives in your friend group and multiple friends choose to marry in a short time period, this often occurs. Attendees have to make choices that are weighted by finances and time. To figure out whose wedding to attend, consider a few factors. Who are you closest to? Which destination is more affordable and the best timing for you? Which friend would be the most understanding if you could not make it? Which invitation did you get first? Answer these questions, and consider the answers.

In the end, you should be thoughtful and honest with all of your friends. To the bride whose wedding you cannot attend, admit that you simply cannot afford to come. Apologize for your absence. Tell her you love her and look forward to supporting her in the months and years to come. You may also want to invite her and her husband to a special dinner with you after their wedding. You should also let her know that you will be attending a couple of your friend’s weddings, so that she is not shocked if she sees you or learns about your presence at other affairs.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is 10 years old, and she is already developing like a teenager. I am torn as to how to deal with this. When I was growing up, my mother made me wear undershirts until I was a teenager. She said that a nice girl shouldn’t wear a bra until she is a teen. My daughter clearly needs to wear a bra. Without one, she is actually drawing more attention to her body than if she had more control of her budding breasts. I feel like I should get her fitted for a bra, but I keep hearing my mother’s voice in my head. How can I reconcile this and support my child? -- Growing Pains

DEAR GROWING PAINS: It is time for you to listen to your own voice. Your instincts are telling you the right thing. Your child needs support for the body she is in, not the one you wish she inhabited. Keeping your mother’s sentiments in mind, you can be sure to get her “appropriate” bras.

There are bras designed for teens, including many without underwire, which you should choose for health reasons as well as presentation reasons. Look for sports bras that provide support without glamorizing. Avoid push-up bras or those marketed as “sexy.” Take her to a store where a knowledgeable salesperson can help you make smart decisions. Be upbeat when you talk to your daughter. She is likely uncomfortable and possibly confused by the changes in her body. The way you respond to her will make all the difference in how she embraces the woman she is becoming.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was scheduled to have lunch with a dear friend I haven’t seen in person for a year when she bowed out, saying that she couldn’t tear herself away from the impeachment hearings in order to meet with me.

I do believe it’s important to stay abreast of current events -- especially something as important as this topic is for our country -- but I feel like my friend is getting absorbed in the drama of the news cycle and all the craziness that is happening these days. In the midst of all of this, I think we should still live our lives and spend time with our loved ones. I was upset that she bailed on me in order to watch this. -- Blinded by Politics

DEAR BLINDED BY POLITICS: It is good that your friend feels it is important to stay on top of current events. It is not good that she is stalling her life in order to do so. This is why technology is important. Many TVs or cable and streaming services allow you to save programs to watch when you are ready. You should recommend this to your friend for next time. Make it clear that your feelings were hurt that she dumped you for this event. Suggest that keeping her plans with you is also important for her life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)