DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a conservative office where most people wear dark suits every day. I have conformed as much as I feel comfortable, but I hate wearing dark clothes all the time. Before this job, I wore bright colors every day. I don’t want to rock the boat too much, but I feel unhappy when I cannot express even a little of my personality through my attire. I want to add pops of color in my blouses, dresses or accessories. Is this too radical? -- Too Dark

DEAR TOO DARK: Looking professional should not require that you completely extract all of your personality from your wardrobe. Yet you still want to be strategic about how you present yourself for the work at hand. Why not do a test? On days when you do not have important meetings, add a bit of color. Go subtle for starters. A brightly colored blouse under a dark jacket can be a good trial. Gauge the reactions you get. If you can balance the conservative nature of your office with a bit of your personality, you may be OK.

You might also think of your office attire as your uniform that you wear for work but that you can take off as soon as you get home. Colorful flowers on your desk might help to keep the sunshine in your environment, even if you aren’t wearing it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You missed an important point in your response to the mom of the pregnant daughter who is in college. Whether or not the daughter is with the baby's father and whether or not he is willing to help with the baby, he is legally responsible to support the child.

If they decide to keep the baby, they need to take support action against this man and legally establish paternity. This is essential -- not just for the monthly support payment. But if the man becomes disabled or dies, for instance, then the child would also be eligible for Social Security benefits. Other benefits could be available, such as medical and life insurance benefits, veterans benefits and rights to inheritance. Not to mention emotional support from the father. This affects the child for his or her entire life. -- Know Your Rights

DEAR KNOW YOUR RIGHTS: Very good point! The fact is that babies come into this world because of two participants. The father should be responsible whether or not the couple stays together, and even if the parents are young, as in this case when the mother is a college student.

A question that is hotly debated in this country is what to do when you become pregnant and do not have the resources or the desire to care for a child. There are two clear camps regarding reproductive rights. But the area gets much more nuanced when it comes to what happens when a child is born and the parents are not prepared to care for it. My challenge to families is to think through all options and make an informed decision that includes all parties. When you bring a child into this world, you need to take responsibility for caring for it. If it takes legal action to enforce that responsibility, so be it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The holidays are coming, and I am worried about how the conversations will go. We will be traveling down South to visit family, and in our relatively small family, we do not share similar political views. Given how divided Americans are in general, I am concerned about how our dinner-table conversations will go. In previous years, some of my cousins got into serious arguments with other family members because they did not agree on basic principles -- and this was before today’s name-calling and nasty commentary.

How can I manage our time together so that the friction is limited? I want to enjoy some peaceful meals and conversations together, but I’m afraid that we will mostly be arguing. -- Holidays and Politics

DEAR HOLIDAYS AND POLITICS: There are a couple of ways to approach your dilemma, which, by the way, is far more common than you might imagine. You can let your family know upfront that in the spirit of the holidays, they must leave all political discussions at the door. Ask for everyone’s agreement that nobody will talk about their candidates of choice or the hot political issues that have a chokehold on the national conversation these days. Know, however, that this is a lot to ask.

Shy of that extreme position, you might also suggest that there should be times when politics are considered taboo. For example, you could request no political discussions during meals. Ask the family to honor that rule.

You can agree to debate ideas without maligning each other’s names or their candidate of choice. In other words, ask your family members to be civil and respectful, especially when they disagree. In America, we are supposed to have the freedom to express our political views without fear of persecution. This should include the same freedom in the safety of your home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be the member of my family who seemed to have it all together. I have never had a lot of money, but I used to do much better than I am doing now. Recently, my finances became a source of ridicule and judgment when I was unable to participate in a special group activity. I am so embarrassed that I don’t have my money right. Sometimes I feel like my family would be better off if I just disappeared. I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. I also don’t want to be the one who can’t pitch in. I do have a healthy life insurance policy. If I die, they would all have money. I wonder if they would be happier then? -- Feeling Deflated

DEAR FEELING DEFLATED: Being embarrassed about financial challenges is real, and many people experience this feeling when others discover their financial status. I am sorry that your life has not unfolded in the way that you envisioned. The fact is, though, that you have to deal with what you are facing. You must remain honest with yourself and your family members in order to create any sort of peace in your life.

As it relates to your insurance, please do not think that your family’s struggles will end if you die. They will miss you and mourn for you. Stop imagining the what-ifs of your demise. If you need help to get past that, get a therapist or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter often has one of her friends over after school and on weekends. I have noticed that this girl does not have very good hygiene. Her hair is usually dirty and greasy, and many times her clothes are soiled. My daughter has never been to her house, so I have no sense of what her life is like, but I am concerned about her.

This is a delicate topic. I want to be able to help my daughter’s friend, but I’m not sure how. One thought I had was to buy a double set of shampoo and conditioner and offer it to the girl, telling her that my daughter loves it and she might, too. Would that be considered offensive? How can I be supportive of this young lady without crossing a line? -- How To Help

DEAR HOW TO HELP: Since this young lady comes to your home sometimes on the weekends, what if you invite her for a sleepover that you design as a special girls’ event? It can include an at-home beauty salon where you do the girls’ hair, or they do each other’s hair. You can buy a few spa products that they can use, like bath bombs or face masks. Meanwhile, you can launder all of the clothes and have the girls wear jammies.

This will be a fun pampering experience. Unless you make a goody bag for both girls, I would not just give her toiletries to take home. You never know how her parents will react to that. Instead, just make the girls’ night a fun experience that they can repeat at another time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a huge argument with my sister over the care of our elderly parents, and we haven’t spoken since. She took a high-and-mighty position, even though she hardly ever helps out on anything. She lives thousands of miles away and rarely comes home to visit. Occasionally she sends money, but honestly, she is not involved.

When she called to yell at me about what she thought I was doing wrong in helping our parents, I totally lost it. It’s not that I am perfect, but who is she to yell at me when she is doing nothing to help? I don’t want this argument to end our communication. How can we get past this ugly moment? What I need more than her judgment is for her to help out. -- Mending Fences

DEAR MENDING FENCES: Since you are thinking about it, why not pick up the phone and call your sister? Tell her that you are not comfortable with how things were left. Tell her that you did not appreciate her tone when you last spoke. Point out that you have been doing your best to care for your parents for some time now. If she has constructive criticism to offer, you are open to listening, but yelling at you has to be off-limits.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)