DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter often has one of her friends over after school and on weekends. I have noticed that this girl does not have very good hygiene. Her hair is usually dirty and greasy, and many times her clothes are soiled. My daughter has never been to her house, so I have no sense of what her life is like, but I am concerned about her.

This is a delicate topic. I want to be able to help my daughter’s friend, but I’m not sure how. One thought I had was to buy a double set of shampoo and conditioner and offer it to the girl, telling her that my daughter loves it and she might, too. Would that be considered offensive? How can I be supportive of this young lady without crossing a line? -- How To Help

DEAR HOW TO HELP: Since this young lady comes to your home sometimes on the weekends, what if you invite her for a sleepover that you design as a special girls’ event? It can include an at-home beauty salon where you do the girls’ hair, or they do each other’s hair. You can buy a few spa products that they can use, like bath bombs or face masks. Meanwhile, you can launder all of the clothes and have the girls wear jammies.

This will be a fun pampering experience. Unless you make a goody bag for both girls, I would not just give her toiletries to take home. You never know how her parents will react to that. Instead, just make the girls’ night a fun experience that they can repeat at another time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a huge argument with my sister over the care of our elderly parents, and we haven’t spoken since. She took a high-and-mighty position, even though she hardly ever helps out on anything. She lives thousands of miles away and rarely comes home to visit. Occasionally she sends money, but honestly, she is not involved.

When she called to yell at me about what she thought I was doing wrong in helping our parents, I totally lost it. It’s not that I am perfect, but who is she to yell at me when she is doing nothing to help? I don’t want this argument to end our communication. How can we get past this ugly moment? What I need more than her judgment is for her to help out. -- Mending Fences

DEAR MENDING FENCES: Since you are thinking about it, why not pick up the phone and call your sister? Tell her that you are not comfortable with how things were left. Tell her that you did not appreciate her tone when you last spoke. Point out that you have been doing your best to care for your parents for some time now. If she has constructive criticism to offer, you are open to listening, but yelling at you has to be off-limits.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has a daughter who is a gymnast. She is on scholarship at her college for gymnastics, and she is very good at it.

The other day at practice, one of her teammates slipped and fell and ultimately died from her injuries. We are all reeling at this awful situation. She was a beautiful young woman, and it’s hard to wrap our heads around what happened. I know my friend is thinking about pulling his daughter from the team, but no decision is easy now. How can I support my friend as he and his family deal with this tragedy? -- Support in Grief

DEAR SUPPORT IN GRIEF: This tragedy represents one of the greatest fears that parents have for their athletic children. Research suggests that gymnastics is a dangerous sport. According to Elsevier Global Medical News, gymnasts experience 4.8 injuries per 1,000 annually, a figure that compares to contact sports such as hockey and basketball. Still, most gymnasts suffer survivable injuries.

For your friend, this is a time of shock and contemplation. On one hand, he probably wants to take his daughter out of harm’s way entirely, but hopefully he won’t make a decision just yet. Now is the time for mourning. I’m sure the coaches and school are providing counseling services for the students. Perhaps your friend could benefit from grief counseling, too.

For your part, be a good listener. Do your best not to share your opinion. This is a decision that his family has to make, and it probably feels impossible to address right now. Offer love, compassion and a listening ear. If asked for your opinion, deflect and say that you just want to support his family. You do not know what’s best.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was talking to a new friend, and during our mostly pleasant conversation, she started comparing herself and her life to characters in old movies. I don’t know if she realized it, but some of her references were outright racist. She doesn’t come off as a racist person, but wanting a house and life like that in “Gone With the Wind,” where the plantation Tara was considered a prize, reeks of our racist past. To long for a time and a home that required the labor of slaves is horrific to me. I didn’t say anything to her, but I wonder if I should. I like this woman and wonder if she is so lost in her dream that she doesn’t realize the context that would allow it to exist. -- Teachable Moment

DEAR TEACHABLE MOMENT: If you care about this woman and believe that she might be able to hear your observations, make time to talk to her face-to-face. Tell her that you were thinking about her comments about wanting a property and life like Tara, and it was offensive to you. Explain to her that you know she was fantasizing, but point out that her fantasy is reliant upon a lifestyle that required the enslavement of other people. Since your friend loves old movies, remind her that “Gone With the Wind” was set during the Civil War and Reconstruction, times in our culture that were woefully unfair to many citizens.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 60 years old, and I feel like I am fitting a stereotype for too many people my age. A few years ago, I started having little health issues that have grown into bigger ones. I currently take a handful of meds for diseases that were probably preventable if I had paid better attention years ago. I haven’t told any of my family members about my ailments because I am embarrassed. As an African American woman, it felt almost inevitable that I would get hypertension and diabetes, but I had told myself I wouldn’t let it happen to me. I have failed. I don’t want to admit this to my family. What can I do to take care of myself and still keep my secrets? -- Health Challenges

DEAR HEALTH CHALLENGES: The most important person for you to talk to is yourself, followed by your doctor. Stand in front of your mirror and speak your truth. What are you doing to deal with your health concerns? What has your doctor told you to do, and how well are you following directions? Your personal “Come to Jesus” moment is important because you must be committed to improving your health in order to be successful.

With renewed focus, go to see your doctor and talk about all of your health issues; work together to figure out a plan for optimal health. Ask about anything you can do that may help you to move past maintenance to potential cures for your conditions. Get a second opinion from a naturopath or another holistic health practitioner. Watch what you eat, and step up your fitness activities.

As far as your family is concerned, talk to them about your health when you are ready. You may find that they are far more supportive than you imagine. Do not allow yourself to be paralyzed by embarrassment. Now is the time to take action so that you can enjoy a high quality of life for as long as you live.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother was a domestic worker for her entire life. She didn’t have much, but somehow she was able to provide for her family. Her husband helped only a little because he was sickly and really didn’t make much money. When I think about my grandmother’s life, I wonder what I have done wrong. I am college educated and have had decent jobs in my field over the years. But I am woefully in debt and really don’t have anything to show for my hard work. My grandmother owned her home. I know that my mom and her siblings helped to buy it, but still. I rent my apartment and own nothing. What am I doing wrong? -- Next Generation Blues

DEAR NEXT GENERATION BLUES: Do some family research and learn what you can about your grandmother’s discipline and lifestyle. Chances are, she lived far more simply than you do. Work to live within your means. That requires cutting back on credit cards and any other type of debt you have. List all of your bills and all of your income. Do your best to figure out how to pay down your debt. Get financial advice if you cannot figure out a path on your own. A debt consolidation plan may be worth it for you.

What you need is a mindset change. Think about how you can live with less. Cut back wherever you can. If you stick to the plan, you should be able to free yourself from financial hardship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)