DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend has a daughter who is a gymnast. She is on scholarship at her college for gymnastics, and she is very good at it.

The other day at practice, one of her teammates slipped and fell and ultimately died from her injuries. We are all reeling at this awful situation. She was a beautiful young woman, and it’s hard to wrap our heads around what happened. I know my friend is thinking about pulling his daughter from the team, but no decision is easy now. How can I support my friend as he and his family deal with this tragedy? -- Support in Grief

DEAR SUPPORT IN GRIEF: This tragedy represents one of the greatest fears that parents have for their athletic children. Research suggests that gymnastics is a dangerous sport. According to Elsevier Global Medical News, gymnasts experience 4.8 injuries per 1,000 annually, a figure that compares to contact sports such as hockey and basketball. Still, most gymnasts suffer survivable injuries.

For your friend, this is a time of shock and contemplation. On one hand, he probably wants to take his daughter out of harm’s way entirely, but hopefully he won’t make a decision just yet. Now is the time for mourning. I’m sure the coaches and school are providing counseling services for the students. Perhaps your friend could benefit from grief counseling, too.

For your part, be a good listener. Do your best not to share your opinion. This is a decision that his family has to make, and it probably feels impossible to address right now. Offer love, compassion and a listening ear. If asked for your opinion, deflect and say that you just want to support his family. You do not know what’s best.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was talking to a new friend, and during our mostly pleasant conversation, she started comparing herself and her life to characters in old movies. I don’t know if she realized it, but some of her references were outright racist. She doesn’t come off as a racist person, but wanting a house and life like that in “Gone With the Wind,” where the plantation Tara was considered a prize, reeks of our racist past. To long for a time and a home that required the labor of slaves is horrific to me. I didn’t say anything to her, but I wonder if I should. I like this woman and wonder if she is so lost in her dream that she doesn’t realize the context that would allow it to exist. -- Teachable Moment

DEAR TEACHABLE MOMENT: If you care about this woman and believe that she might be able to hear your observations, make time to talk to her face-to-face. Tell her that you were thinking about her comments about wanting a property and life like Tara, and it was offensive to you. Explain to her that you know she was fantasizing, but point out that her fantasy is reliant upon a lifestyle that required the enslavement of other people. Since your friend loves old movies, remind her that “Gone With the Wind” was set during the Civil War and Reconstruction, times in our culture that were woefully unfair to many citizens.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 60 years old, and I feel like I am fitting a stereotype for too many people my age. A few years ago, I started having little health issues that have grown into bigger ones. I currently take a handful of meds for diseases that were probably preventable if I had paid better attention years ago. I haven’t told any of my family members about my ailments because I am embarrassed. As an African American woman, it felt almost inevitable that I would get hypertension and diabetes, but I had told myself I wouldn’t let it happen to me. I have failed. I don’t want to admit this to my family. What can I do to take care of myself and still keep my secrets? -- Health Challenges

DEAR HEALTH CHALLENGES: The most important person for you to talk to is yourself, followed by your doctor. Stand in front of your mirror and speak your truth. What are you doing to deal with your health concerns? What has your doctor told you to do, and how well are you following directions? Your personal “Come to Jesus” moment is important because you must be committed to improving your health in order to be successful.

With renewed focus, go to see your doctor and talk about all of your health issues; work together to figure out a plan for optimal health. Ask about anything you can do that may help you to move past maintenance to potential cures for your conditions. Get a second opinion from a naturopath or another holistic health practitioner. Watch what you eat, and step up your fitness activities.

As far as your family is concerned, talk to them about your health when you are ready. You may find that they are far more supportive than you imagine. Do not allow yourself to be paralyzed by embarrassment. Now is the time to take action so that you can enjoy a high quality of life for as long as you live.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother was a domestic worker for her entire life. She didn’t have much, but somehow she was able to provide for her family. Her husband helped only a little because he was sickly and really didn’t make much money. When I think about my grandmother’s life, I wonder what I have done wrong. I am college educated and have had decent jobs in my field over the years. But I am woefully in debt and really don’t have anything to show for my hard work. My grandmother owned her home. I know that my mom and her siblings helped to buy it, but still. I rent my apartment and own nothing. What am I doing wrong? -- Next Generation Blues

DEAR NEXT GENERATION BLUES: Do some family research and learn what you can about your grandmother’s discipline and lifestyle. Chances are, she lived far more simply than you do. Work to live within your means. That requires cutting back on credit cards and any other type of debt you have. List all of your bills and all of your income. Do your best to figure out how to pay down your debt. Get financial advice if you cannot figure out a path on your own. A debt consolidation plan may be worth it for you.

What you need is a mindset change. Think about how you can live with less. Cut back wherever you can. If you stick to the plan, you should be able to free yourself from financial hardship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was talking to a colleague, and we were bragging about our children -- something that many parents do for small talk. I was saying something upbeat about my daughter when she revealed that her daughter was having a difficult childhood in part because she and her husband were going through a nasty divorce during that time. I listened and stopped talking about my life, which sounded idyllic in comparison.

What should you do when you discover that somebody you are talking to has suffered a lot more than you or your family? I wasn’t competing with this woman about our children, but it ended up feeling uncomfortable since her story was so heavy. What do you do in an awkward situation like that? -- Making Comparisons

DEAR MAKING COMPARISONS: In the natural course of conversation, you are bound to learn things about the people with whom you are speaking. Sometimes that information will be more intense, or emotional, or otherwise difficult than yours. That’s fine.

If you are paying attention, then you should read the moment. In some instances, like the one you described, you may want to give the person space to tell her story. In other instances, if the conversation gets too heavy, you may want to change the subject, not necessarily to your family but to some neutral ground where you and the person and others who may be in earshot can get back to a more stable base.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has grown several inches since last winter, and he doesn’t fit into any of his clothes. We are a working-class family, and we just can’t afford to buy the clothes and shoes that he needs for the winter. We have tried to keep up with his growth spurts, but it’s not working. It is getting cold, and I am worried about how to take care of him. I also don’t want him to be embarrassed because his pants are short. It’s hard enough being a teenager. When your clothes don’t fit, it is awful. How can I talk to him about this so that he will be OK? -- Outgrown

DEAR OUTGROWN: You can talk to your son about what is natural for growing children and teens, namely that sometimes your clothes may not fit perfectly because it can be hard to keep up with the growth spurts. That’s real. But also, you don’t have to give up just yet. Check to see if there is a Salvation Army or Goodwill in your town. These organizations sell gently used clothes for low prices. Chances are, you can find clothing and shoes to fit him at an affordable price. Check with local churches, too. Some of them give away clothing -- including everything from coats to shoes and accessories -- for free.

You and your son need have no bad feelings about wearing gently used clothing. This is one way that we can practice sustainability for our planet by recycling existing clothing. Because so many people give to these organizations, you will often find excellent choices that will make your son feel comfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)