DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 60 years old, and I feel like I am fitting a stereotype for too many people my age. A few years ago, I started having little health issues that have grown into bigger ones. I currently take a handful of meds for diseases that were probably preventable if I had paid better attention years ago. I haven’t told any of my family members about my ailments because I am embarrassed. As an African American woman, it felt almost inevitable that I would get hypertension and diabetes, but I had told myself I wouldn’t let it happen to me. I have failed. I don’t want to admit this to my family. What can I do to take care of myself and still keep my secrets? -- Health Challenges

DEAR HEALTH CHALLENGES: The most important person for you to talk to is yourself, followed by your doctor. Stand in front of your mirror and speak your truth. What are you doing to deal with your health concerns? What has your doctor told you to do, and how well are you following directions? Your personal “Come to Jesus” moment is important because you must be committed to improving your health in order to be successful.

With renewed focus, go to see your doctor and talk about all of your health issues; work together to figure out a plan for optimal health. Ask about anything you can do that may help you to move past maintenance to potential cures for your conditions. Get a second opinion from a naturopath or another holistic health practitioner. Watch what you eat, and step up your fitness activities.

As far as your family is concerned, talk to them about your health when you are ready. You may find that they are far more supportive than you imagine. Do not allow yourself to be paralyzed by embarrassment. Now is the time to take action so that you can enjoy a high quality of life for as long as you live.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandmother was a domestic worker for her entire life. She didn’t have much, but somehow she was able to provide for her family. Her husband helped only a little because he was sickly and really didn’t make much money. When I think about my grandmother’s life, I wonder what I have done wrong. I am college educated and have had decent jobs in my field over the years. But I am woefully in debt and really don’t have anything to show for my hard work. My grandmother owned her home. I know that my mom and her siblings helped to buy it, but still. I rent my apartment and own nothing. What am I doing wrong? -- Next Generation Blues

DEAR NEXT GENERATION BLUES: Do some family research and learn what you can about your grandmother’s discipline and lifestyle. Chances are, she lived far more simply than you do. Work to live within your means. That requires cutting back on credit cards and any other type of debt you have. List all of your bills and all of your income. Do your best to figure out how to pay down your debt. Get financial advice if you cannot figure out a path on your own. A debt consolidation plan may be worth it for you.

What you need is a mindset change. Think about how you can live with less. Cut back wherever you can. If you stick to the plan, you should be able to free yourself from financial hardship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was talking to a colleague, and we were bragging about our children -- something that many parents do for small talk. I was saying something upbeat about my daughter when she revealed that her daughter was having a difficult childhood in part because she and her husband were going through a nasty divorce during that time. I listened and stopped talking about my life, which sounded idyllic in comparison.

What should you do when you discover that somebody you are talking to has suffered a lot more than you or your family? I wasn’t competing with this woman about our children, but it ended up feeling uncomfortable since her story was so heavy. What do you do in an awkward situation like that? -- Making Comparisons

DEAR MAKING COMPARISONS: In the natural course of conversation, you are bound to learn things about the people with whom you are speaking. Sometimes that information will be more intense, or emotional, or otherwise difficult than yours. That’s fine.

If you are paying attention, then you should read the moment. In some instances, like the one you described, you may want to give the person space to tell her story. In other instances, if the conversation gets too heavy, you may want to change the subject, not necessarily to your family but to some neutral ground where you and the person and others who may be in earshot can get back to a more stable base.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has grown several inches since last winter, and he doesn’t fit into any of his clothes. We are a working-class family, and we just can’t afford to buy the clothes and shoes that he needs for the winter. We have tried to keep up with his growth spurts, but it’s not working. It is getting cold, and I am worried about how to take care of him. I also don’t want him to be embarrassed because his pants are short. It’s hard enough being a teenager. When your clothes don’t fit, it is awful. How can I talk to him about this so that he will be OK? -- Outgrown

DEAR OUTGROWN: You can talk to your son about what is natural for growing children and teens, namely that sometimes your clothes may not fit perfectly because it can be hard to keep up with the growth spurts. That’s real. But also, you don’t have to give up just yet. Check to see if there is a Salvation Army or Goodwill in your town. These organizations sell gently used clothes for low prices. Chances are, you can find clothing and shoes to fit him at an affordable price. Check with local churches, too. Some of them give away clothing -- including everything from coats to shoes and accessories -- for free.

You and your son need have no bad feelings about wearing gently used clothing. This is one way that we can practice sustainability for our planet by recycling existing clothing. Because so many people give to these organizations, you will often find excellent choices that will make your son feel comfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is a cheapskate. He does not like to spend money on anything extra -- especially clothes. For this reason, he has been wearing the same clothes for years. Normally that doesn’t matter, but we have a couple of big events to attend, and he does not have the proper clothing to wear to them. He needs a suit. The last time we bought one was probably 10 years ago, which is way more than 10 pounds ago. He tried on his suit recently, and he couldn’t button the jacket. The whole thing was way too small. When I said something about it, he just scoffed. He cannot go to my work function wearing a suit that is so ill-fitting.

How can I convince my husband that investing in one suit will be valuable for our future? He works with his hands, and his work clothes are jeans and a dirty T-shirt. I have a professional job, and I have to wear a suit or a dress. -- Opening His Eyes

DEAR OPENING HIS EYES: Remind your husband that it is helpful to you and your life as a family if he is willing to dress up in a suit every now and then and go with you to business functions. Point out that rarely do you ask him to do this, but make it clear that his participation counts for a lot. Tell him that you would very much like to select a suit for him that will be comfortable and look perfect. If he is unwilling to go to the store, do your best to figure out his size and purchase two different sizes for him. Have him try on each suit, and return the one that doesn’t fit.

Since he doesn’t often go with you to these types of functions, remind him of the expectations so that he can feel comfortable and at ease. Express your appreciation that he is willing to support you and your family in this way. Do not take for granted that he will comply. When and if he does, be obvious with your gratitude so that he has no doubts about your sincerity.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a new boyfriend who is a lot of fun. He enjoys taking me out to dinner, movies and other social activities. I like spending time with him doing these things, but I also like my quiet time. I am a reader, and I like to carve out time every day to read a little bit. He, on the other hand, does not read at all. He watches cable news and reads a bit of online news, but that’s it. He doesn’t have patience for my reading. He doesn’t like to sit still for too long. When I curl up with a book, he is ready to leave. I don’t intend to stop being a reader. How do you suggest we work through this difference in behavior? -- Not a Reader

DEAR NOT A READER: Your boyfriend’s lack of interest in reading does not have to be a deal breaker. You do enjoy many activities together. Perhaps you can designate a certain period of time as “private time,” during which you can read or do whatever else you may like while he finds what he would like to do alone. Agree with him that your reading time is important and you are happy to give him space for his own activities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)