DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is at a new school this year, and he has asked for a fancy computer for Christmas so that he can have the same one as his friends. I checked with his instructors, and I know that the computer he has is sufficient for him to complete his work. But peer pressure is real, and he says he only wants one thing for Christmas -- and this is it.

I get that my son thinks he is being thoughtful in selecting only one item for Christmas, but the reality is that this computer costs over $1,000, when his perfectly good computer that we just bought him this year was only a few hundred dollars. How can I let him down easily? We can’t afford to buy him a computer that he doesn’t even need. -- No New Computer

DEAR NO NEW COMPUTER: Speak directly to your son, and make it crystal clear that you will not be buying him the computer he requested this Christmas. Assure him that it is not a punishment. Remind him that you recently purchased a computer for him that his instructors have indicated is more than adequate to handle his course load.

Don’t skirt the issue -- your son wants to have the computer that his peers have. Let him know that you understand his reasoning while you also know that it is not possible to stay in step with his peers all the time. He will have to learn how to embrace his own life and to value the things he has, even when they are different from his friends’. Reinforce that what you own does not measure your personal value.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is 17 years old, and he has not had a girlfriend yet. I am so happy about that. I hope he doesn’t have a girlfriend until he is in college. I think dating is overrated, and I’m fine with him being a late bloomer. I have a girlfriend who hates my thinking on this. She thinks it is better for her child to date during high school so that she can provide wisdom when he does something dumb. She thinks supervision is a good thing when he is still under her roof. What do you think? -- Teenage Dating

DEAR TEENAGE DATING: I believe that people begin to date when the time is right for them, and there is no prescribed “right” time. That said, it is common for teenagers to begin to take interest in each other and often to explore romantic feelings. Even in 2019, that curiosity does not automatically mean that teens will engage in sexual activity. For many young people, there are several steps before actual sexual intimacy takes place. While a parent cannot fully monitor that, you can teach your children and teens what your expectations and values are about intimacy.

To your question, I think it is helpful for you as a parent to be able to provide input about relationships before your child moves away. You have far less influence when your child is out of your house. I am not recommending that you encourage your child to date. I am suggesting that you talk about relationships and what happens in them with your child now -- and regularly. Do your best to establish an open dialogue with your teen so that whenever intimacy begins, you are part of the conversation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is so independent that even when it is obvious he needs help, he refuses to accept it. He is a senior citizen, and he presents himself well. He had surgery recently, and I just happened to learn about it. He made me promise not to tell anybody, and he wouldn’t let me help him in any way. I feel terrible. This is what friends are for -- to help out in times of need.

Even though my friend is in good health, after surgery it would have been helpful for someone to cook him a meal or help him wash his clothes. The little things can become hard when you are temporarily laid up, but he would have none of it. Eventually, I had to give up. But it made me sad that he refused any help. Should I just let this go? I hear these stories about people dying in their houses, and I would hate for something like that to happen to a friend I could have helped. -- No Help Please

DEAR NO HELP PLEASE: Could it be that you are being a bit melodramatic? Yes, your friend had surgery and didn’t include you in his convalescence. Are you sure that he was at home unable to care for himself? He may be telling you the truth, that he was OK and didn’t feel the need for extra help. Or he may have had help that he didn’t mention to you.

For your own peace of mind, you may want to make it clear to him that if he is in need, you would be happy to support him. Especially as people get older, it can be helpful to establish a phone tree or some other method of communicating in case of emergency. If he does not like that option, encourage him to sign up for one of those alarm programs that he can engage in case of personal emergency. Know that you cannot force him to have you as his I.C.E. -- in case of emergency.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A family friend got an assignment in my city for the next few months. I am happy that I will be able to see her, but I want to manage expectations. My work is busy, and I have a teenager who is in overdrive with school. I can’t spend too much time with this woman, even though I like her a lot. Because she is new to the city, she is eager to get together with me. How can I make it clear to her that we can see each other occasionally, but not nearly as much as she has requested? -- Time Management

DEAR TIME MANAGEMENT: Be as direct with her as you are with me right now. Welcome her to town and tell her what you love about it. Meet up with her as soon as is convenient, either at your home or at a restaurant or other social environment. Suggest fun things that she can do in her spare time. And tell her that you will be able to see her only from time to time because of your own schedule.

You can stay in touch via phone or text, but draw the line if you do not have time to spend with her. You can make recommendations for activities that she may enjoy and make time when you can to see each other.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In recent years, I have gone up a size almost every year. It’s awful. I have been working like crazy at an office job that doesn’t allow me to work out much. But this is not good. I know it’s not healthy for me to have put on so much weight.

I recently started buying stretchy clothes so that I wouldn’t have to keep upgrading my wardrobe, but I know that’s not a real solution. What do you recommend to help keep off the pounds when I’m too busy to get in the squats? -- Need to Lose Weight

DEAR NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT: It is time to evaluate your priorities. Yes, a time-consuming job is understandable, but if you don’t have your health, your fancy job won’t matter at all. You should make time to exercise at least three times a week. Do your best to carve out time for this.

To lose weight, though, the biggest culprit that health educators point to is what you put between your lips -- what you eat or drink. The number of calories that you ingest daily has a direct effect on how much weight you gain, maintain or lose. What you can do right now is to change your eating habits. Cut down on carbs. Eat more fruits and vegetables. Drink water. Don’t eat late at night. If you follow these simple rules, you can start to shed pounds. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: A new restaurant just opened up in my neighborhood, right next door to a restaurant that has been dying on the vine for years. I am friendly with the owner of the old spot, and I feel kind of bad going to the new place, but I want to check it out. It is drawing crowds of new customers, and, as they say, there’s a lot of heat around it. But it’s sad and awkward to see the old restaurant sitting there empty. I feel bad when they see me go over to the new place. I have stopped going to their place because I’m not sure what to say. What should I do? -- Split Loyalty

DEAR SPLIT LOYALTY: If you still like the old place, don’t give it up entirely just because a new one has joined the block. Be brave and go to both. When you visit at your friend’s place, do not feel that you have to give a report about the new place. Instead, just be present and with them during your time together. If they ask you questions about the new establishment, tell the truth. Be careful not to bad-mouth the other place because you are with your friend. Be neutral and honest. If you notice things they can do that may enhance their own experience, you can share, but be careful. You do not want to be in the position of savior. Stay in the role of friend.

You can tell your friend that you will always appreciate them and be a customer, but you do intend to visit the other restaurant from time to time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)