DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is so independent that even when it is obvious he needs help, he refuses to accept it. He is a senior citizen, and he presents himself well. He had surgery recently, and I just happened to learn about it. He made me promise not to tell anybody, and he wouldn’t let me help him in any way. I feel terrible. This is what friends are for -- to help out in times of need.

Even though my friend is in good health, after surgery it would have been helpful for someone to cook him a meal or help him wash his clothes. The little things can become hard when you are temporarily laid up, but he would have none of it. Eventually, I had to give up. But it made me sad that he refused any help. Should I just let this go? I hear these stories about people dying in their houses, and I would hate for something like that to happen to a friend I could have helped. -- No Help Please

DEAR NO HELP PLEASE: Could it be that you are being a bit melodramatic? Yes, your friend had surgery and didn’t include you in his convalescence. Are you sure that he was at home unable to care for himself? He may be telling you the truth, that he was OK and didn’t feel the need for extra help. Or he may have had help that he didn’t mention to you.

For your own peace of mind, you may want to make it clear to him that if he is in need, you would be happy to support him. Especially as people get older, it can be helpful to establish a phone tree or some other method of communicating in case of emergency. If he does not like that option, encourage him to sign up for one of those alarm programs that he can engage in case of personal emergency. Know that you cannot force him to have you as his I.C.E. -- in case of emergency.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A family friend got an assignment in my city for the next few months. I am happy that I will be able to see her, but I want to manage expectations. My work is busy, and I have a teenager who is in overdrive with school. I can’t spend too much time with this woman, even though I like her a lot. Because she is new to the city, she is eager to get together with me. How can I make it clear to her that we can see each other occasionally, but not nearly as much as she has requested? -- Time Management

DEAR TIME MANAGEMENT: Be as direct with her as you are with me right now. Welcome her to town and tell her what you love about it. Meet up with her as soon as is convenient, either at your home or at a restaurant or other social environment. Suggest fun things that she can do in her spare time. And tell her that you will be able to see her only from time to time because of your own schedule.

You can stay in touch via phone or text, but draw the line if you do not have time to spend with her. You can make recommendations for activities that she may enjoy and make time when you can to see each other.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In recent years, I have gone up a size almost every year. It’s awful. I have been working like crazy at an office job that doesn’t allow me to work out much. But this is not good. I know it’s not healthy for me to have put on so much weight.

I recently started buying stretchy clothes so that I wouldn’t have to keep upgrading my wardrobe, but I know that’s not a real solution. What do you recommend to help keep off the pounds when I’m too busy to get in the squats? -- Need to Lose Weight

DEAR NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT: It is time to evaluate your priorities. Yes, a time-consuming job is understandable, but if you don’t have your health, your fancy job won’t matter at all. You should make time to exercise at least three times a week. Do your best to carve out time for this.

To lose weight, though, the biggest culprit that health educators point to is what you put between your lips -- what you eat or drink. The number of calories that you ingest daily has a direct effect on how much weight you gain, maintain or lose. What you can do right now is to change your eating habits. Cut down on carbs. Eat more fruits and vegetables. Drink water. Don’t eat late at night. If you follow these simple rules, you can start to shed pounds. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: A new restaurant just opened up in my neighborhood, right next door to a restaurant that has been dying on the vine for years. I am friendly with the owner of the old spot, and I feel kind of bad going to the new place, but I want to check it out. It is drawing crowds of new customers, and, as they say, there’s a lot of heat around it. But it’s sad and awkward to see the old restaurant sitting there empty. I feel bad when they see me go over to the new place. I have stopped going to their place because I’m not sure what to say. What should I do? -- Split Loyalty

DEAR SPLIT LOYALTY: If you still like the old place, don’t give it up entirely just because a new one has joined the block. Be brave and go to both. When you visit at your friend’s place, do not feel that you have to give a report about the new place. Instead, just be present and with them during your time together. If they ask you questions about the new establishment, tell the truth. Be careful not to bad-mouth the other place because you are with your friend. Be neutral and honest. If you notice things they can do that may enhance their own experience, you can share, but be careful. You do not want to be in the position of savior. Stay in the role of friend.

You can tell your friend that you will always appreciate them and be a customer, but you do intend to visit the other restaurant from time to time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: The busiest season of the year has begun, and I seem to be getting a lot of invitations for events. I realize that I have gotten more than one invitation for a particular night, and I wish I could attend both events. One is a cocktail reception, and the other is a more formal dinner. Is it OK to go to the cocktail party briefly and then head to the dinner? I would be early for one and a little late for the other. I don’t want to be rude, but both are important for my work. -- RSVP

DEAR RSVP: Look closely at the invitations to see what is reasonable for you to do. If there is enough time for you to drop by the cocktail hour briefly and still arrive at the dinner before the meal will be served, go for it. What you don’t want to do is hold up the meal service at the formal event because you are tardy. You should also speak to the host of each event to explain your plans in advance. In this way, you will have managed their expectations.

When you go to the events, be strategic. Survey the room at the cocktail party. Figure out who you want to greet, and go directly to those people so that you use your time effectively. Be sure to greet the host. Since you will have already indicated that you will be leaving early, there is no need to say goodbye, which might disrupt the flow of the event.

At the dinner, arrive discreetly and do your best to insert yourself into the activities without calling too much attention to yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband constantly flirts with other women when we go out together. I find it annoying and rude. When I mention it to him, he says I am being too sensitive and that I need to lighten up. If his behavior makes me uncomfortable, I don’t want to overlook it.

For example, if we are out for dinner at a nice restaurant, he will take his eyes off me and notice the woman walking by or sitting at the next table and stop to compliment her on what she is wearing or even her fragrance. I think that’s going too far. He says he is being friendly. I would like for him to be friendly to me. How can I get him to understand how I feel? I hate this. -- Notice Me

DEAR NOTICE ME: Draw a line. Tell him how uncomfortable it makes you for him to constantly flirt with other women when you two are out together. You are not being too sensitive. You believe he is being inappropriate. Ask him to stop. If he refuses, perhaps you should stop going out with him.

This does point to a bigger issue, though. If your husband is unwilling to stop paying attention to other women when he is with you, perhaps there is a problem in your marriage. Do your best to get him to talk about what’s going on in his head.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)