DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was growing up, my parents never had enough money to buy gifts for us kids. We were a family of seven, and money did not stretch that far. So every year at Christmas, my mother would bake a cake or make something else for us to eat that everybody could share.

I have not been able to get past what happened to me as a child in order to be there for my children. I have two kids, and my husband and I have good jobs. We can afford to give them multiple gifts -- not extravagant, but something. Still, I can’t seem to get there. I find it so hard to shop for them because I get lost in thoughts of my past. What can I do to break through? -- Frozen

DEAR FROZEN: Why not bake a cake with your kids to celebrate the holidays? You can make that a tradition in a way that honors what your mother was able to do for you.

The next step can be to establish a new tradition. You can ask your children what they most want for Christmas. Let them suggest several items with the understanding that you would like to get them something special. There can be some surprise in the final outcome if you do not tell them what you are choosing. Once you have their lists, you can review them to see if you feel comfortable getting them each of the items they have listed, or if you will choose only one or two. Do your best to give your children the same number of items so that they don’t mistakenly read anything in to the gifts they receive when they make comparisons.

Beyond that, you may want to consider a bit of therapy. You are holding on to some strong memories and experiences from your childhood. A professional may be able to help you unlock some of those old feelings and release them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work independently, so I am accustomed to hustling to get people to pay attention to me. I feel like I’m constantly pitching myself and my ideas. I am also actively following up on everything all the time. That’s what I was taught when I had a job as a producer, but now I’m running into some roadblocks. I have noticed that people aren’t answering my calls the way they used to. I think some people are avoiding me, and that’s a terrible feeling.

My approach has always been to make it easier for people to respond to me by following up about three days after my initial call. That way they don’t have to dig through their emails or phone messages to remember to call me. One client just told me that I am too pushy. She even called me a stalker. That doesn’t seem fair. I consider myself efficient and responsive. What am I doing wrong? -- Unwitting Stalker

DEAR UNWITTING STALKER: Your follow-up methods don’t seem to be working right now, so it’s time to regroup. Following up after three days does seem aggressive -- unless you are facing a tight deadline. A week is a more normal follow-up interval. Also, an email or a text may be a better way to check in, as neither requires you to talk to the person. That way you aren’t interrupting them when they are busy.

Take a moment to reassess your goals and your strategy for reaching out. Getting quiet and still as you contemplate this may help you to discover a softer way of reaching back to potential clients.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I like to wear high-heeled shoes, mainly because I am pretty short. If I wear heels, I feel like I am at least getting up to near where other girls are. I like that aspect, but sometimes my feet hurt like crazy. When my friends are chilling in sneakers, I almost always have on heels. It’s not fair. What can I do to feel good about myself and not have my feet hurt constantly? -- No More Heels

DEAR NO MORE HEELS: You have to accept yourself the way you are. Putting on high heels does not make you as tall as your taller friends. While it may give you confidence, it’s not real or practical in certain circumstances. Of course, you should be able to have your sneakers on whenever you want to!

Let me tell you a story. I am tall -- 5 feet, 9 inches. My grandmother, whom I adored, was a whole foot shorter than I am, at 4 feet, 9 inches. It was never an issue in our family, and to my knowledge, in her life. She was generally the shortest person around, but she had a big presence, and people took her seriously and gave her space. She accepted her physical stature, but she did not let it negatively affect how she moved through space. That was true for other challenges in her life as well. She grew up during Jim Crow and had to face many indignities of racism. She handled those with grace as well.

It may be worth it for you to look at the big picture of your life. What is important to you? What are some of your biggest challenges? Where are you most confident? Most insecure? Evaluate whether you should give as much attention as you do now to your stature. Chances are, your physical size is not as important as other issues in your life. When you can make mental adjustments based on your physical reality, your quality of life can improve. Make sneakers your friends -- even if you get some with a bit of a platform -- and focus on what really matters in your life!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a shopper, and I love finding a good sale. A woman complimented me on my new glasses the other day, and my knee-jerk response was to tell her where I had bought the glasses on sale. A friend of mine was in earshot, and she told me that I should just say who the designer of the glasses is, not where I bought them or at what price. She said if the person had asked me where I got them, that would have been one thing, but she heard the person and that wasn’t the question. Do you think I should point out a sale even if it isn’t asked about? -- Discount Shopping

DEAR DISCOUNT SHOPPING: Your friend is right. When you receive a compliment, you can genuinely accept it and let that be enough. If asked who makes your glasses, or whatever other item is being acknowledged, you can name the maker. Often that is enough, especially because people shop in lots of places. Save the details for the super-curious.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father says a lot of things that I don’t think are politically correct. He is quick to make racist and sexist comments. He is totally clueless about the way that people communicate today.

I love my dad, but I’m nervous about bringing my friends around. One of my best friends is gay. She hasn’t met my parents yet, and I worry that he may say something rude without even thinking about it. But it is important to me for my parents to know my friends. How can I set them up so that it will be a good experience? -- Reckless Dad

DEAR RECKLESS DAD: Start with a reality check. You have to accept that you cannot control your father. You can ask him to be respectful of your friends when you bring them to meet the family. Express to him how important it is to you that your friends get to know him and your mother. He needs to understand how much you value his presence in your life. With that, you can pivot and tell him about your friend who is gay, and ask him to be kind to her.

You should also talk to your friend and let her know that your father can be brash and insensitive sometimes. Make her aware that he could say something rude. Tell her you want her to meet him anyway, but you cannot control his behavior. If she does not want to meet him under those circumstances, that is perfectly understandable. If she does come and he starts in with rude comments, you can jump in and change the subject or excuse yourselves and leave the room.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s husband asked me to make a birthday video for his wife. I was happy to do it because I love her so much. But when I saw the video that I made, I cringed. I remember me from 25 years ago when I met my friend, not the older, out-of-shape woman who was staring at me in that video. I considered deleting the video and just saying I didn’t have time to complete it, but I thought about my friend and imagined that she would be thrilled to have me be a part of it. How can I feel comfortable about how I look? -- Not Myself

DEAR NOT MYSELF: Most people look different today than they did 25 years ago. Look around at your friends and notice how they actually look. Chances are, many are physically heavier, some may be smaller, others may have a bounty of wrinkles, plenty will have gray hair or artificially colored hair. The point is that people age and change over time. Stop beating yourself up.

Instead, if you don’t like what you see, do something about it. Take yourself to the gym. Go to a nutritionist and follow an eating plan that will help you shave off the pounds. Let your cringing motivate you to transform that expression into a satisfactory smile!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)