DEAR HARRIETTE: I like to wear high-heeled shoes, mainly because I am pretty short. If I wear heels, I feel like I am at least getting up to near where other girls are. I like that aspect, but sometimes my feet hurt like crazy. When my friends are chilling in sneakers, I almost always have on heels. It’s not fair. What can I do to feel good about myself and not have my feet hurt constantly? -- No More Heels

DEAR NO MORE HEELS: You have to accept yourself the way you are. Putting on high heels does not make you as tall as your taller friends. While it may give you confidence, it’s not real or practical in certain circumstances. Of course, you should be able to have your sneakers on whenever you want to!

Let me tell you a story. I am tall -- 5 feet, 9 inches. My grandmother, whom I adored, was a whole foot shorter than I am, at 4 feet, 9 inches. It was never an issue in our family, and to my knowledge, in her life. She was generally the shortest person around, but she had a big presence, and people took her seriously and gave her space. She accepted her physical stature, but she did not let it negatively affect how she moved through space. That was true for other challenges in her life as well. She grew up during Jim Crow and had to face many indignities of racism. She handled those with grace as well.

It may be worth it for you to look at the big picture of your life. What is important to you? What are some of your biggest challenges? Where are you most confident? Most insecure? Evaluate whether you should give as much attention as you do now to your stature. Chances are, your physical size is not as important as other issues in your life. When you can make mental adjustments based on your physical reality, your quality of life can improve. Make sneakers your friends -- even if you get some with a bit of a platform -- and focus on what really matters in your life!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a shopper, and I love finding a good sale. A woman complimented me on my new glasses the other day, and my knee-jerk response was to tell her where I had bought the glasses on sale. A friend of mine was in earshot, and she told me that I should just say who the designer of the glasses is, not where I bought them or at what price. She said if the person had asked me where I got them, that would have been one thing, but she heard the person and that wasn’t the question. Do you think I should point out a sale even if it isn’t asked about? -- Discount Shopping

DEAR DISCOUNT SHOPPING: Your friend is right. When you receive a compliment, you can genuinely accept it and let that be enough. If asked who makes your glasses, or whatever other item is being acknowledged, you can name the maker. Often that is enough, especially because people shop in lots of places. Save the details for the super-curious.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father says a lot of things that I don’t think are politically correct. He is quick to make racist and sexist comments. He is totally clueless about the way that people communicate today.

I love my dad, but I’m nervous about bringing my friends around. One of my best friends is gay. She hasn’t met my parents yet, and I worry that he may say something rude without even thinking about it. But it is important to me for my parents to know my friends. How can I set them up so that it will be a good experience? -- Reckless Dad

DEAR RECKLESS DAD: Start with a reality check. You have to accept that you cannot control your father. You can ask him to be respectful of your friends when you bring them to meet the family. Express to him how important it is to you that your friends get to know him and your mother. He needs to understand how much you value his presence in your life. With that, you can pivot and tell him about your friend who is gay, and ask him to be kind to her.

You should also talk to your friend and let her know that your father can be brash and insensitive sometimes. Make her aware that he could say something rude. Tell her you want her to meet him anyway, but you cannot control his behavior. If she does not want to meet him under those circumstances, that is perfectly understandable. If she does come and he starts in with rude comments, you can jump in and change the subject or excuse yourselves and leave the room.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend’s husband asked me to make a birthday video for his wife. I was happy to do it because I love her so much. But when I saw the video that I made, I cringed. I remember me from 25 years ago when I met my friend, not the older, out-of-shape woman who was staring at me in that video. I considered deleting the video and just saying I didn’t have time to complete it, but I thought about my friend and imagined that she would be thrilled to have me be a part of it. How can I feel comfortable about how I look? -- Not Myself

DEAR NOT MYSELF: Most people look different today than they did 25 years ago. Look around at your friends and notice how they actually look. Chances are, many are physically heavier, some may be smaller, others may have a bounty of wrinkles, plenty will have gray hair or artificially colored hair. The point is that people age and change over time. Stop beating yourself up.

Instead, if you don’t like what you see, do something about it. Take yourself to the gym. Go to a nutritionist and follow an eating plan that will help you shave off the pounds. Let your cringing motivate you to transform that expression into a satisfactory smile!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Veterans Day. Too often we notice these holidays on the calendar, but they take on meaning only when they affect us directly. It is worth pointing out that we live in relative safety thanks to the sacrifices that our men and women in the armed forces offer in order to keep our country and its citizens safe.

Recently, I have been talking to high school and college students who are contemplating what’s next for their lives. One young man, who immigrated to our country with his family when he was a baby, told me that as soon as he finishes college, he intends to go into the Air Force officers training school, if is he fortunate enough to be selected, because he wants to build a career in the military. “Why?” I wanted to know. He answered that he was inspired by his grandfather, who had fought in World War II back in his home country. His grandfather’s stories of valor stirred up something within him that set him on this course.

If you listen to young people, you will hear similar stories time and again. Yes, it can be dangerous to enter into the military, but there are also amazing benefits. The myriad educational opportunities seem endless. The areas of concentration are vast. And not every job is on the front line of a conflict.

But even for those jobs that are in direct combat, the preparation to be able to master a weapon or maneuver is top-notch. In other words, each person on the front line is prepared to be there.

I am not going into all this detail as an ad for the armed services -- not at all. More, I wanted to shine a light on the fact that for those people who decided to take that step, the arm of the military that they choose will do its best to keep that person out of harm’s way.

On Veterans Day, our attention really should be on what happens when they return. After serving, when our veterans rejoin society, they often need an extra dose of TLC from family members and, sometimes, from mental health professionals. In order to participate in some of the activities that keep our country safe, members of our military have had to learn how to approach situations in a way that is different from what is acceptable in civilian circumstances. The transition can be rocky at best.

The argument for more support of veterans is not a new one, but it wages on. To ensure that the care that veterans need at home is offered to them, we need to raise our voices and demand that Congress adequately fund the programs that will support their full rehabilitation. This is a topic that deserves loud voices speaking out on behalf of the men and women who come home with the various emotional and physical challenges that commonly plague veterans.

To learn more about what the Veterans Administration does for veterans, go to va.org. If you have a veteran in your life who needs more support, call 800-827-1000.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)