DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I are planning a big birthday celebration for our dad. He is turning 85, and we want to honor him while he is alive. As we have been going over the invitation list, we came to some people who have recently lost their parents. Is it insensitive to invite the surviving adult children of my father’s friends who have died this year? We don’t want to be rude, but at the same time, we have been close to this family since we were little. It seems wrong to exclude these people. What do you think? -- Invite List

DEAR INVITE LIST: You should include these loved ones on your invitation list. They will decide whether they feel up to joining the celebration. It may be perfect for them to participate in this moment of fellowship when people are connecting and being joyful because someone has reached this milestone. Of course, it won’t take away the grief of having lost their own parents. They may have moments at your father’s function when they well up with emotion. That’s fine.

By all means, extend the invitation to those people. You may want to call them and personally invite them. Let them know that you continue to hold them in your prayers as they mourn the loss of their parents. But make it clear that you hope they will join you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was growing up, I always had some kind of job going back to middle school. I babysat. I helped at my grandpa’s deli. I cleaned up at church. I raked leaves. And I got paid -- not much, but something for my work.

I have a teenage son who is so lazy. He doesn’t think he should have to do anything that resembles work, even in his own home. Yet he is constantly asking for money -- not lots of it, but pocket change for snacks and other things.

Compared to some of his peers, he seems to be pretty frugal, but I want him to understand the value of working for a dollar. He is old enough to get a work permit, but he is not inspired to do so. I didn’t force him to have specific chores when he was younger, and now it’s hard to get him to do anything. How can I turn this around? -- Getting Teen Motivated

DEAR GETTING TEEN MOTIVATED: It is not too late to establish responsibilities around an allowance for your teen. If he does not do what you have detailed for him and he no longer gets the pocket change he wants, he will wake up to his role in his own life.

Beyond that, talk to your teen about his future. What does he want for himself? Of course, this can be about long-term goals and short-term goals. Long-term may be about college and career. Short-term can be about having resources to support his teenage lifestyle -- and that requires money. Introduce the idea of finding a job to be able to afford his desires.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working on a project for six months, and at a companywide meeting, my boss took all the credit for the work that I have done. Yes, it was for our team, but he did nothing, and I did it all, yet he acted like he was the victor. I was so mad.

I’m not sure what to do. Complaining may make me seem petty, but I am so angry that he didn’t give me or his team any credit for the hard work we have been doing to get to where we are now. Is there anything I can say that may open his eyes for the next time? He is usually a thoughtful boss, but overlooking me and the rest of the team for all of the work we did felt like a slap in the face. -- Overlooked

DEAR OVERLOOKED: If you can frame your concern so that it doesn’t seem personal, you may be able to get the message across to your boss. For example, perhaps you can congratulate your boss on presenting successfully at the companywide meeting while adding that it might be good for him to say something to the team about how hard they worked on the project that he mentioned. Gently point out that while he talked about it, he did not acknowledge the people who worked to make it happen. In this way, you point out what is obvious to you without directly criticizing him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin is getting married next fall, and she is very excited. She is in her mid-20s and is thrilled to have found her partner. They are just starting their lives together, and they cannot afford the wedding that they have planned. Every time we talk about it, my cousin asks if the family will chip in to help make her dream come true. I don’t agree. I would rather give them money to help them build toward their future. She is mad that this is my opinion, but I feel strongly about it. How can I get my point across? It’s nice to have a beautiful party, but much more important, in my view, to be set up to start a beautiful life. -- Affordable Wedding

DEAR AFFORDABLE WEDDING: Rather than getting too involved in the details of your cousin’s wedding, you can stand your ground about how you will support her. In a private conversation, tell your cousin how much you love and support her. Make it clear that your way of gifting her for her union is by giving her money for her future. Tell her if she continues to push forward for a lavish wedding, she will need to get financial help from people other than you.

Make it clear that you are not abandoning her. Instead, you are showing your love in ways that make sense to you. At the same time, you can let her know that you do not intend to lobby other family members to join your position. You should be quiet and let her navigate her journey.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been fighting with my husband over everything, it seems. I am not happy, and he and I are not getting along. It is time for us to plan our annual trip to visit his family for the holidays, and I do not want to go. I don’t feel like smiling and acting like everything is fine, or being interrogated by his family about what’s wrong. I’m not filing for divorce, either. I just don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to go to therapy with my husband, but he refuses. What can I do? -- At a Crossroads

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: Sit down with your husband and tell him that you do not feel comfortable going to visit his family this year. Tell him why. Be specific and honest. Explain that you are not happy with him, and you don’t feel like pretending or explaining what’s going on. This may be a wake-up call for him about how serious you are about your marital problems.

Ask him again to go to therapy with you. Tell him you aren’t interested in getting a divorce, but you do want to figure out ways to strengthen your marriage. Ask him if he wants that, too. Standing up about not going to visit his family may be the eye-opener he needs to take you seriously.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My next-door neighbor asked to borrow chairs from me recently when she had guests coming over for a big dinner. I thought that was an odd request, but I loaned her the chairs. When she returned them, one of the seat cushions was soiled. I know it happened while the chair was at her house because I hardly ever use these chairs, and it wasn’t soiled before. I want her to have the chair cushion cleaned -- or at least pay for it. How do I bring this up without causing friction? -- Dirty Chair

DEAR DIRTY CHAIR: There is always a risk of damage when you lend your belongings to other people. There should also be an understanding on the other side that if someone damages something he or she borrowed, the responsibility lies with them.

Immediately speak to your neighbor about the chair. Show her the stain and tell her it wasn’t there before. Tell her that you would like for her to pay for the chair to be cleaned. Do some research to find out the cost to clean that cushion so that you can be specific as to your expectation.

It is likely that she will be somewhat embarrassed and open to paying to repair the damage. In the event that she is unwilling to do so or unwilling to admit that the stain occurred at her house, don’t fight with her. Get your chair cleaned, but do not lend anything else to her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)