DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter and her friends got into a bit of trouble at a party this weekend. My husband and I discovered that they were vaping. I know that this activity is targeted to teens. I also remember that I tried smoking cigarettes when I was a teenager. That said, I feel like the stakes are much higher for teens today than they were back in my time. Cigarettes do kill, but usually over many years of repetitive use. News reports today show that teenagers have been dying suddenly after vaping. Death should be a good enough scare tactic, but I’m not sure. I know these kids want to experiment. How can I get them to be safe when I know they want to try things? -- Anti-Vaping

DEAR ANTI-VAPING: As you likely remember, teenagers typically think of themselves as invincible and rarely consider fatal consequences to their actions. And yet, as parents and adults, we want to protect them more than anything. Restricting them from certain behaviors only works to a certain extent when they spend so much time on their own. Scaring them with real examples of their peers coming into harm’s way may help.

Turning on the news or looking at a newspaper will show that people are getting sick and sometimes dying from vaping. This goes for vaping nicotine products and marijuana products. Tell your daughter directly that you know she and her friends have tried vaping and that you are 100% against it. Lay out your reasons, emphasizing that young people have died recently as a result of vaping.

Be direct by stating that you believe there are some things that are better left untried, or at least not tried again. Recommend that they move past vaping, because it isn’t worth it. Here’s an article that breaks down what is happening with vaping these days: bit.ly/31lDpS0.

Encourage your daughter to make smart choices for herself -- she is worth it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I usually go to my hometown for Thanksgiving, but we aren’t doing that this year. The cost of travel is too high, so we are staying at our home.

I have not ever cooked Thanksgiving dinner. It’s always a big thing that I attend. I am married with three teenage children. I know we should do something, but I’m not prepared to take on the whole meal. Would it be horrible for me to take the family to a favorite restaurant? -- New Thanksgiving

DEAR NEW THANKSGIVING: Here’s your chance to make Thanksgiving special for your family, even though you aren’t traveling to be with your extended family. Going to a restaurant is a fine idea. And trust that you will not be alone. Many restaurants serve special Thanksgiving meals. You do need to make reservations.

Build the idea with your family as a treat for the five of you. Plan it so that everyone gets dressed up and makes it a special event. You may want to invite everyone to talk about what they are grateful for, even this year when you are celebrating in a different way.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be well-known back in the day when I was at the top of my career. Now I can barely make ends meet. I feel like such a failure.

I am embarrassed to ask for help. I was a celebrity in my hometown, but now I am nothing -- just a woman with a reputation of what I used to be but with nothing going for me now. How can I turn the page and change how I’m thinking so that I can have the courage to go out and get a job? I would do just about anything right now. I do not want to lose my apartment. -- What To Do?

DEAR WHAT TO DO?: Let go of the past and how you were once regarded. Evaluate your skill set. What are you good at doing? Think of specific skills and talents that you have. Now consider what it was about you that made you the local “celebrity.”

Are you good with people? Could you be a successful hostess at a restaurant? A group leader at a retirement home? What about a sales role in the elder space? In this case, you may be able to use your local celebrity to inspire people to trust you and, in turn, buy in to a condo community for seniors or another such environment. I mention the senior space because it is a growing demographic, and there’s a good chance that this group of people may remember you fondly and feel comforted by your presence as they figure out this stage in their lives.

Most important is for you to believe that you are still a valuable member of society. Through that lens, look for a job that will pay you a fair wage and help you to be secure in your home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got my annual performance review, and it was not good. I knew that this past year was rough for me. We had a couple of new projects that I was assigned to manage, and they didn’t go well.

My boss said that we need to set some markers for getting on track so that we can see if I am able to stay in my job. He didn’t say it exactly like that, but it felt like a warning. The evaluation was clear and direct. I did not get fired, but I feel like I was punched in the gut. I took in all of the criticism and stated my case when it seemed appropriate. I can’t even say the criticism was wrong. Now I’m not sure what to do. The bar is set really high for me to recover. What if I can’t do it? -- Doubting Myself

DEAR DOUBTING MYSELF: Now is your opportunity to turn things around for yourself at your job. First, spend some time reviewing your notes from your evaluation. Pay attention to each detail and request so that you are clear about what you need to do to reach the goals that have been set for you. Consider how you will go about tackling each concern.

Request a follow-up meeting with your boss. In this meeting, ask for the opportunity to work closely with him to reach the agreed-upon goals. If you become proactive, including asking for support, your self-doubt may diminish. You have a chance to fix your mistakes. Stay focused on that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I get invited to events all the time with my work. Occasionally my husband wants to go, but not most of the time. His work is demanding, and he likes his day to end at 6, not start up again at 7 or 8.

I often invite other friends or colleagues to go with me when it’s best to have a plus-one. My husband is fine with that, but occasionally if my companion is a man, people will assume he is my husband. I always correct them to say who the person is, colleague or friend. I don’t know what else to do. I am certainly not out and about with a “boyfriend.” How can I ensure that roles are clear when my husband rarely goes out with me? -- Who Is That?

DEAR WHO IS THAT?: You are not alone in terms of going to events with friends or colleagues when your spouse doesn’t want to attend. As long as you are clear about who is with you and what that person’s role is -- and your husband is in agreement -- you should be fine. When you introduce your plus-one, state who he is and call him your friend or colleague. Be sure to be clear in all of your introductions so that you leave no room for curiosity or rumor. Be confident that you are handling yourself with integrity, and keep it moving. If people ask about your husband, be sure to give a brief update on how he is.

Don’t give up on your husband. When an event seems perfect for him, encourage him to attend with you. It can be fun for the two of you to go out together and can help reinforce to any haters out there that you do indeed have a loving husband who makes an appearance from time to time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I drink coffee every day and red wine a lot. The last time I went to the dentist, the hygienist told me that these beverages are staining my teeth. She said she can mostly scrape off the stains, but the only way to prevent them is to curb drinking these beverages. I don’t want to do that. I suppose I could drink less of them. I can get my teeth cleaned only twice a year with my insurance, but the stains build up faster. What should I do? -- Stained Teeth

DEAR STAINED TEETH: Perhaps there is a middle ground here. If you are drinking so much of these dark fluids that they are significantly staining your teeth, you may want to curb them some -- for your health. Replace them, at least some of the time, with water.

That said, ask your hygienist if using whitening toothpaste might help and what the pros and cons are of using such a product. Today there are many products on the market that can whiten your teeth. You may be able to supplement your twice-annual professional cleanings with using one of these products.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)