life

Freelancer Needs To Remember Self-Care

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 17th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working nonstop for about two months now, and I am completely exhausted. Obviously that means I should slow down, but the thing is that I am a freelancer. I’m afraid to turn down work when it’s coming on strong. Who knows when it will dry up and I will be broke again? I don’t want to risk being unavailable and then somebody else gets the job and they don’t call on me again. I’m also afraid that I will get sick if I don’t get some rest. What should I do? -- Stretched Too Thin

DEAR STRETCHED TOO THIN: Your level of paranoia is understandable, but I want to suggest to you that your current pace is impossible to maintain and unhealthy to boot. When you operate your life based on the belief that there is enough for you, even as there is enough for everyone else, you are able to breathe deeply and relax.

You deserve to have at least one day of rest every week. Your mind and body need to slow down and recuperate from the week. This is true even if you are a freelancer and worried about paying bills.

The best thing you can do for yourself for longevity’s sake is to establish a weekly rhythm that requires that you take at least one day off, preferably the same day weekly. You can let your clients know that you will give 100% on every day but your day off. It is OK to pass up work if your health will be jeopardized otherwise. You must also have faith that your quality of work is excellent and your commitment to your clients is sincere and well-noted, so that when you establish this most basic boundary, it will be respected.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 17, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 17th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been cleaning out my house, and I have discovered a ton of great stuff that I think some friends of mine might like. I have clothes and shoes and bags -- all kinds of things. I want to be able to offer my things to my friends before I give them to charity, but I don’t want to insult anybody who may wonder why I chose them to give it to. How can I offer my things to others in a way that they will feel special rather than like a charity case? -- Gifting My Things

DEAR GIFTING MY THINGS: You can speak directly with particular friends to tell them what you are doing and that you have found some things you believe would be perfect for them. Ask if they would accept your items. That way, they can say yes or no.

You can also consider hosting a clothing/accessories swap where you bring the bulk of items that you have to offer, and others do the same. Then you invite people who may be interested in such an affair. You create a social atmosphere that is ripe for giving and receiving, and where no one needs to feel uncomfortable about accepting other people’s hand-me-downs.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Co-Workers Worried by Reader’s Allergies

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 16th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: It’s allergy season again, at least for me. I find myself sneezing and sniffling all the time, even though I use allergy medicine. Sometimes I can tell that my co-workers back up a little when I have allergic reactions. I feel confident that I am not contagious. It’s just allergies, but they do present like a cold sometimes. How can I reassure my co-workers that I am not going to make them sick? -- Allergic

DEAR ALLERGIC: Your allergy sniffles and sneezes may seem like nothing to you, but to most people, it does seem like you are spreading around your germs -- which, in fact, you are even if you’re not sick. When you are in the throes of allergy season, be sure to walk with tissues and hand sanitizer. Sneeze and blow away from the group, even if you have to excuse yourself from a meeting or a dining table. Keep your area tidy, and be mindful of touching other people until after you clean your hands.

Check in with your doctor to see if the prescription you are using is strong enough to manage your allergies. Sometimes a medication change can ward off allergy attacks.

Finally, when you are in the midst of an allergic reaction, let your co-workers know that it is allergy season, and you will do your best to stay clear of them. They will appreciate that.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 16, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 16th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an event the other evening, dressed in my finest -- or so I thought. When I arrived, several people, including the greeters at the front door, complimented me on my outfit. I appreciated that, especially since I haven’t been out for a while, and I have gained quite a bit of weight.

Anyway, at a certain point during the evening, I saw a man who I have known for at least 20 years. He walked up and smiled, and as he was saying hello, he grabbed my arm and made a comment that I looked good -- even though I have put some meat on my bones. I didn’t quite know how to react to that. Yes, I have gained weight, but is that what somebody should say -- pointing out that I have gotten bigger? He unnerved me for a minute. I didn’t say anything, but it bothered me. What do you do in a situation like that? -- Half-Baked Compliment

DEAR HALF-BAKED COMPLIMENT: It sounds like you are especially sensitive about the way your body has transformed over the years. That’s natural. The fact that this man you have known forever obviously noticed that you look different but also complimented you on looking good in your new skin can be taken as a compliment. I doubt that he meant to insult you. He saw you and reacted to the person he saw with honesty and flattery. Sometimes it can be hard to notice a compliment when it is cloaked in a truth that reflects your particular sensitivity.

To be fair, it’s best if people do not address weight at all in conversations. It is so hard to do so without stumbling into offensive language. But, in this man’s case, it seems that he meant to celebrate you, just as those people who didn’t know you were doing that day.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Finds Love With Old Flame

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 15th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Am I wrong to think that I could find true love with my high school sweetheart after being separated for more than 30 years? I am not a romantic normally, but recently I ran into my old flame, and sparks flew. I truly loved this guy when I was in 10th grade, and it broke my heart when college came and we parted ways. Nothing bad happened -- just life, really.

When I saw this man again at a work event, I was shocked. We had not seen each other since back in the day, and there he was. We struck it up real nice, and we have been dating. Do I dare believe that this could be true? I don’t want to get hurt, but it feels real. We enjoy each other’s company and have been spending a lot of time together. How can I tell if this is for keeps? -- Old Flame

DEAR OLD FLAME: Stay in the present moment. It’s fine to remember your love from the past, but don’t get caught up comparing then to now. Instead, trust the moment you are in. As you spend time together, notice what you enjoy about being in each other’s company. Pay attention to the things that mesh between you -- and those that don’t. This is important for the long term. It is natural for couples to share some interests and behaviors and not be so simpatico regarding others. It is smart for you to recognize the difference between the two.

Make sure you talk about your hopes for the future and how you think you fit into each other’s lives. If you are open and honest and willing to see if this relationship will work, you will find out. Be sure to base your assessment on what’s happening now, rather than what you remember from the past.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 15, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 15th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was hanging out with a new friend the other day, and when we started talking, I learned that he is a Republican. I stopped in my tracks. I thought that all my friends shared my somewhat liberal Democratic views. Before I knew his political affiliation, I would say he fit that description, too. We share many values, but I draw the line with what’s happening in our government and was appalled to learn that he is in with them.

I didn’t ask him any more questions after that. I was so shocked I quickly ended our conversation and dipped out. But this guy is a friend. How can I handle the fact that we are on opposing teams? Everything is so political these days that I don’t know how to handle this. -- Us Vs. Them

DEAR US VS. THEM: My husband argues that the political parties are far more similar than different, though certain philosophies do differ. In today’s political times, there surely are some extremes that people are struggling to understand.

Rather than lumping your friend into a category that automatically says that you are opponents, talk to him about his views as you share your own. Have a respectful conversation about what you value and what he believes in. Determine where your values differ and where they may be similar. Agree on topics that you are happy to debate and those that you believe will lead to discord without resolution. You can agree to table those.

You don’t have to leave this friendship. Knowing people who have different viewpoints from yours is important in understanding life and how to engage other people. You should not expect or desire for everyone to be your clone.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Last Word in Astrology for May 23, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 22, 2022
  • Last Word in Astrology for May 21, 2022
  • Father Not Certain How to Reconnect with Daughter from First Marriage
  • Recession Worries Makes LW Fearful of Starting a Family
  • LW Worried Sister's Sharp, Stubborn Personality Will Ruin a Good Thing
  • Training Techniques
  • Aiding Animal Refugees
  • Contented Cats
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal