DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I have been married for a long time, but we have not been close for years. We look good at a party, but we don’t share any type of intimacy. In part, it’s my fault. We were at each other’s throats some years back, and he was not nice to me at all. That’s when I stopped being intimate with him. After a while, it just started being habit that we weren’t romantic. Now, our son is about to go away to college. I worry that if things don’t change, we won’t have a reason to stay together. I can’t make it on my own financially, but I also don’t know how to turn the romance back on. Do you have any suggestions? -- Turn It On

DEAR TURN IT ON: You can’t have it both ways. Either you work to repair your marriage, or you prepare for the potential of a life on your own. If your husband is interested in intimacy, figure out how to reignite your own interest -- assuming you want to. Would the two of you consider going to counseling? You could choose marriage counseling or even sex counseling. You need to address the problem before you in an open and thoughtful way, which is why professional help may be in order.

You have to decide what you want in your life. Staying with your husband for financial reasons while withholding intimacy doesn’t necessarily seem like a fair trade. Once your child is gone, you are probably right: He may no longer feel obliged to stick around. You need to answer the questions of what you want and what are you willing to do to have it. After that, the work begins.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got into a stupid fight with my sister the other day, and I realized that we had fallen back into childhood behavior.

We had to make an agreement about something that we are doing for our mother, and the conversation -- over text -- got extremely testy and childish. When my sister, who is older, started digging in, I did, too, until we reached a standoff, and our younger sister ended up stepping in and being the adult in the situation. How ridiculous. Can you recommend ways to avoid falling into childhood behavior patterns with siblings? This is getting old. -- Stuck in the Past

DEAR STUCK IN THE PAST: Review what happened between you and your sister, and consider how you might handle the situation if it were between you and a colleague or friend. What would you have done differently? Make a list. Next, think about different times when you have interacted with your sister and fallen into childhood behaviors. What were the triggers? List them.

Next time you engage with your sister, pay attention to the conversation. If you feel things beginning to sink into old reactions, take a pause. You can stop communicating for a bit and take a few breaths to collect yourself. You can use a tactic that you would use with a colleague or friend. You should remind yourself that you have the power to stand up for yourself and not need to become unsettled by your sister’s behavior or your former way of responding to her. You can become the adult in the room.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have diabetes. I am taking the proper medication for it, and I think it is mostly under control. Occasionally I like to eat sweets, but I try to keep it in check.

Recently, I was out with some co-workers, and when I ordered an ice cream, my colleague chastised me, telling me that it was not good for my health. I was offended. My doctor says that I can have sweets in moderation, which is what I do. But even if I chose to eat the whole ice cream store, it shouldn’t be her business to weigh in on my choices.

How can I get her to understand that she was out of line? It was really awful, especially because she said something in front of other colleagues who don’t even know I am diabetic. -- Crossing the Line

DEAR CROSSING THE LINE: Your co-worker friend knows about your health challenges and was able to speak on it because you shared that information with her. I point this out because you have to be mindful about the people with whom you share your private business. You can speak to her privately and let her know that you believe she has your best interests at heart, but you felt she was out of line telling you what not to eat, especially in front of other people. Remind her that you are an adult and are responsible for your choices. Add that the other co-workers do not know your health concerns, and you do not want them to know. Her outburst represented a breach of confidentiality, as far as you are concerned.

Make it clear that you believe she was looking out for you, but you would appreciate her keeping her comments to herself. Check in with your doctor to be as specific as possible about what you can and cannot eat so that you stay the course.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I suspect that my super sometimes comes into my apartment when I am not at home. He’s the only one with a key. I come home on occasion and it looks like things have been disturbed a bit. This is creepy. There is no reason for him to come into my apartment. As far as I know, there have been no emergencies that would warrant him needing to enter. Plus, shouldn’t he tell me if he does? The rules of my building require that the super keeps a key. How can I get him to stop letting himself in, or even prove that he does? -- Creepy Super

DEAR CREEPY SUPER: It’s time to invest in a device that will show you every time someone comes to your door. You can also install a monitor for inside your apartment so that you can see when someone enters. Many security companies offer these devices now, often with immediate alerts on your smartphone that will show you the activity that is happening at your door. With proof, you can go to your management company to file a formal complaint about the super.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend broke up with me right after we celebrated her birthday. We had a nice dinner together, I thought, but then she dumped me. She said she wanted to make sure that we ended on a good note before it was over. That’s why she said that she planned the nice meal.

I am so confused. I didn’t see it coming. We had been getting along, as far as I could tell. Little issues here and there, but nothing major. Then we had this amazing night out, and -- boom -- I’m toast. I want to know why, but she won’t say anything. She told me it’s over and that should be enough for me.

I feel like I deserve an explanation, but she’s not talking. What can I do to get some closure here? I am freaked out by this. -- Bad Ending

DEAR BAD ENDING: Of course it would be kind of your ex-girlfriend to explain why she broke up with you, but you cannot force her to do so. That sucks, I know, but it’s true. She thinks that she handled the breakup in a thoughtful manner. You were doubly confused by her kindness, which seems almost cruel when you realize what she was planning.

As difficult as it is now, the best thing for you to do is to stand down. Since you cannot force her to reveal the underlying reasons for the breakup, the best you can do for yourself is to move on. Yes, it will be difficult. But do your best to occupy your time in other ways. Spend time with friends who were not part of your circle with her. Resist the temptation to talk about her. Consider going to a mental health counselor who can help you process your new reality and come up with tools to support your future. Give yourself time. But stop reaching out to her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was ill recently, and I spent some time in the hospital. Due to my illness, I have gained about 20 pounds, and my clothes don’t fit the same. I went shopping the other day, but everything made me look fat. I’m so distraught. I’m not feeling my best, and now I look horrible in my clothes. The salesperson assured me that I looked fine. I know her, so I don’t think she would lie, but right now I can’t trust myself. How can I get past this feeling of terror about my body? -- Feeling Fat

DEAR FEELING FAT: Before you do anything else, acknowledge how grateful you are to be alive after your medical ordeal. You are still healing from whatever drove you to the hospital, so take it easy on yourself. You may want to ask your doctor what you can eat to help heal your body completely and lose weight responsibly. If you are allowed to exercise, that may also help ease your discomfort.

Because you are so sensitive to how your body has changed, now is a good time to trust the salesperson to help you select a few wardrobe items to fit your body today.

As your body heals, you may consider getting a therapist to help you navigate this tender time in your life. You can address your physical and mental health concerns in a safe space.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)