DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 5-year-old who is a good kid. He gets along with most people. This includes a teenage girl who lives in my building. Her mother came to us to say she would be available for babysitting if we ever need help. Occasionally my husband and I do go out, and we could use a part-time sitter. I worry, though, that this young lady may not be attentive enough. My child has a good temperament, but he's still 5. He has to be watched at all times. Would you allow a teenager to watch a 5-year-old? -- BABYSITTING DILEMMA

DEAR BABYSITTING DILEMMA: I recommend that you invite the teenager to have a trial run at watching your child while you are at home. Create a "play date" for the two of them, for which the teenager agrees to spend four or five hours, whatever amount of time you would normally be out of the house, with your son.

Make a written list of things to do, what he likes and doesn't like, what he eats, etc. so that she has a guide to follow. Explain your expectations, especially about never leaving him alone, TV usage, personal phone calls and anything else that you want to regulate. Then make yourself scarce. Look in only occasionally. She has to establish a rhythm with your son independent of you. When you observe them, look for signs that he feels safe and comfortable. Trust your instincts. If she seems competent, hire her for a short outing. The length of time can extend along with your comfort level.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started my business around the same time as several of my friends. We are all doing different things, but I have to admit that I am struggling. I know it takes time to get things off the ground, but I am still in the red and really don't have the funds to keep going much longer.

I talked to one friend this week and learned that her business has grown so much that she's trying to figure out how to manage her expansion. Meanwhile, I feel like such a failure. Do you think I should ask my friends what they are doing that is making their businesses work? How can I get good advice on what to do next? -- GETTING OFF THE GROUND

DEAR GETTING OFF THE GROUND: If you consider any of your friends to be a confidante who will be honest and helpful to you, you can talk openly about your situation with them. It can be helpful to talk to other small business owners about what works and what is challenging in their businesses as you talk about yours.

But don't stop there. Utilize the free services offered by the Small Business Administration. The SBA offers many programs, templates and other resources to help small businesses grow. They also have business loan and grant programs, so contact your local office. Learn more through sba.gov.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I conducted a workshop for a client, and we did a survey to see how the participants felt about it. I thought it went really well, and most of the participants agreed and shared bits about their experiences in the comments. About a third of the participants didn’t like it, though. I know I shouldn’t hold on to those negative comments, but I can’t help myself. I feel like I can do better and may be able to win everybody over. I’m wondering if I should ask the administrator if I can contact the participants to ask for more feedback.

My direct supervisor told me that she thought the survey reflected well on my abilities and added that nobody gets a perfect score. Should I leave it at that? I just feel like I can probably do better if they tell me what they want. -- Survey the Participants

DEAR SURVEY THE PARTICIPANTS: Our natural inclination, as human beings, seems to be to become fixated on imperfection. I believe this is something that we should resist. You just explained that you received overwhelmingly positive feedback from the survey results of your workshop. That is excellent. Accept that. It is OK to take note of any areas where you can improve, but you should not attempt to identify participants who may be able to further clarify their thinking. Typically, surveys are anonymous, so finding out could be challenging anyway. Instead of focusing on the negative comments, accept them and work on whatever was pointed out. Build on where you are. And know that it is normal for some people to offer criticism. Take it for what it’s worth, but do not amplify it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just turned 21, and I decided to dye my hair. I’m still in college, so it’s not that big of a deal there. I’m worried that my conservative parents will blast me when I come home from school and they see me with green hair. I think it’s fun, but I know how cautious they are about everything. I needed to do something for myself, and I figured this wasn’t so bad. I can always dye it back. I can do it way before a summer job interview. But also my field of interest is more liberal than that of my parents. It might not be an issue for work. How can I get my parents to lighten up? I know it’s going to be an problem when I see them. -- It’s Just Hair

DEAR IT’S JUST HAIR: You already know that your parents take the stands that they do out of caution for your health and your future. They are part of a different generation, for whom it was much harder to get a job and build a successful life if you presented yourself in any type of extreme way.

Your job is to educate them. For starters, you can explain that hair color can be changed easily, so when it is time for you to apply for jobs or internships, you can become more conservative -- if that is what you choose. You do need to point out that it is now time for you to begin to make independent choices that may not always reflect theirs. This doesn’t mean that you do not love or respect them. It means that you have to live your own life.

Let them know that you do not intend to do anything to embarrass them or yourself, but that you realize that you are not as conservative as they are.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have one child who is quiet and reserved, and my other child is extroverted. I have tried to get them to do things together and to have the extroverted one help the shy one to make friends. All of my efforts seem to make things worse. They are very different people, even though they are close in age. I need to figure out how to help both of them to grow up and flourish. I don’t really have any good ideas about how to do that. Can you help? -- Two Different Kids

DEAR TWO DIFFERENT KIDS: Stop lumping your children into one basket. Look at them individually. Talk to them and ask about their interests, desires and fears. Find out what makes each tick. Think about what you learn and what you already know about your children, then determine what schools, extracurricular activities and support they may need to fulfill their destinies.

Engage the guidance counselor at school to help you with academic questions. If needed, get a therapist to work with one or both of your children to identify any mental health concerns that need to be addressed.

Most important, you need to accept that it is perfectly normal for your children to be unique. When you fully accept that and treat each one as needed, you give them permission to be themselves. While you do want them to love each other, you cannot force them to be friends or to take up the slack where it’s needed. They are children. Allow them to be just that. As the adult, your role is to support them as they grow up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just met a woman in her 40s while standing in line buying school supplies. She was getting them for herself while I was buying things for my kids.

I started talking to her and learned that she is going back to school so that she can change her career. She is not rich. She seemed like a regular middle-class woman. I found myself mesmerized by her. I have long thought that I should go back to school, but I never imagined that I could afford it. Meeting her made me think it could happen for me. I’m afraid, though. When I help my kids with homework, I sometimes feel so stupid. How can I drum up the confidence to start the process of getting more education? -- Higher Education

DEAR HIGHER EDUCATION: Consider it a blessing and a boost that you met that woman in line. Of course you can go back to school. The good news is that there are so many programs available. Depending on your interest, you should be able to find something that is affordable and can help you to reach your goals. Look into community college as a jumping-off point. Some are free. All are affordable. You can also look into online courses. And be sure to look into scholorships.

Figure out what your interests are and then go digging online. Seize the day. There is something out there that’s perfect for you!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)