life

Daughter Upset She’s Not in Class With Friends

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 23rd, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just started back to high school, and she seems sad. She made a few friends last year, but she discovered that she is not in any classes with them this year. She thought that she would find some comfort in this new, big school because she had her crew to rely on, but she is finding herself having to be solo again. It seems that she is feeling vulnerable. How can I help her? -- Lost Her Peeps

DEAR LOST HER PEEPS: Social dynamics are important for high school students, so it is understandable that your daughter feels a bit off-kilter since she has no classes with her friends.

Help her to see that this can be a positive experience. She is in school in order to learn and grow. That means her focus in class should be targeted on her studies. Sometimes friends can become distracted when they are in class together. Urge your daughter to become laser focused on her work while she is in class. Encourage her to be actively engaged, to raise her hand a lot and to take participation seriously.

On the friend front, she can find times during lunch, free periods or after school to spend time with her crew. Also, since she is in class with other people, she may find that her friend group will expand or shift based on who she is getting to know this year.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 23, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 23rd, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I know that exposing my children to cultural activities will help to expand their minds, and it might even help them on tests. I have tried to get them to go with me to various cultural events in our city, but as they are getting older, they constantly protest whenever I suggest that we go to a museum, art show or fair. I don’t want to give up on exposing them to these things, but it is getting really hard to convince them to go with an open mind. What can I do to get them interested? -- Expand Your Horizons

DEAR EXPAND YOUR HORIZONS: Changing your children’s mindset is the biggest challenge you are facing. Forcing them to participate in these activities may create the unintended consequence of them dreading all cultural engagements. That is the opposite of your intention. So tread carefully. You have to get them genuinely interested.

What if you look for cultural activities with your children so that they participate in selecting where you will go? Look at community bulletin boards and various websites to learn what’s going on in your town. You may want to assign your children the task of identifying the top three potential things to do -- within a particular distance and price point. The more you can empower them to make choices, the more they may get into the idea of continuing the family tradition.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Wants a Cut After Facilitating Deal

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 21st, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A client of mine contacted me recently to see if I would work on a project with her. It was a generous offer, but not a great fit. I do know someone that I think would be better for the project, and I told her that I would put them in touch with each other. There is potential for a lot of money to be made on this thing. I now think that if I introduce them, I should get a cut of the deal. Is that wrong of me to think? How can I go about getting myself in the finances of this thing? -- Want a Cut

DEAR WANT A CUT: It is true that some people broker relationships and formally introduce people with the understanding that if something comes of the deal, they should get a piece of it. In your case, that is not the relationship that you have with either party. I think it would be awkward to introduce the idea now. It also might give them a bad impression of you.

Instead, you can follow up with each of them to see if something manifested due to your connection. You can add that you hope that they keep you in mind if other projects come up that might be right for you.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 21, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 21st, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are cleaning out our house, and we realize that we have too much of everything, including books. We have hundreds of books that we have collected over the years, and there is nowhere to put them. We were going to just put them out, but then it occurred to me that I could sell them. We have flea markets in my city, or maybe I could do a yard sale of just books. Do you think that sounds silly, or is it viable? I know that people don’t read as much as they once did, but I bet there will be some people who will find a book sale appealing. I would discount the books in order to move them. What do you think? -- Book Sale

DEAR BOOK SALE: A book sale is a great idea. You can host one now, but you might also think about doing one right before the holidays. Books make great gifts. Categorize the books based on subject, genre and audience so that it is easy for people to review them. You can make the books an easy sell by keeping the prices really low. For example, you could price them anywhere between $1 and $5, no matter how much the books originally cost. Just make sure you have change so that the transactions can be managed with ease.

Look for opportunities where there will be some foot traffic, such as a street fair, bazaar, church fundraiser or other event. You may have to pay a small vendor’s fee, but the traffic might be worth it. You can do a yard sale if you live in an area where many people naturally pass by. The key to success in this endeavor is getting enough people to stop by to consider buying a book. When it is over, give the remaining books to your local library or community center. Do not put them back in your house!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Son Is Unmotivated After Lazy Summer

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 20th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried about my son’s discipline as he starts off this school year. For the first time, he did not have extracurricular activities this summer. He was supposed to have a job, but he couldn’t find one. He mostly hung out with friends or slept around the house. By the time I figured out how unstructured his summer was, it was too late for me to set him up with activities.

Now that school is starting, my son seems sluggish getting up and being pumped for what will surely be a rigorous academic year. How can I get him motivated? I feel responsible for not keeping him on point during the summer. He is in high school, and these are the important years before he heads off to college. What can I do? -- Get Him Motivated

DEAR GET HIM MOTIVATED: It may take your son a few weeks or a pop quiz or test to wake him up to the rigor of school once more. You can support him by helping to make sure that he is up and out of the house on time. Remind him that his responsibility now is to be a good student and to think about where he wants to go to college and what he wants to do with his life. He had a leisurely summer of fun, and now that’s over.

Don’t begrudge him what is in the past. Instead, help him to focus on what is before him. Though he won’t like it, continue to remind him of his goals. Encourage him to keep them front and center. Hopefully, when he starts getting his grades, he will be able to see what is needed to stay the course.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 20, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 20th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I overheard two people at my job talking about me like a dog. They were criticizing my personal style and little things about my life -- not my work, mind you. It was petty, but it sounded pretty vicious. I have no idea why they were going for me like that. I keep to myself and do my work. I don’t socialize with them because I have to get home and take care of my family. Most of them are younger and single. I give them their space, which I thought was the right thing to do. Now it seems that my quietness may be causing them to pass judgment. Should I call them out on their comments or take another approach to dealing with them? -- Catty Co-Workers

DEAR CATTY CO-WORKERS: Perhaps they are grumbling about you because you don’t engage them. If you want to make the effort to build bonds with your co-workers, you may want to start talking to them a little bit. Start by greeting them in the morning. A simple “good morning” with a smile and eye contact counts for a lot. You can compliment them on things they are wearing that you genuinely like. Don’t be fake, though. See if little overtures soften their perception of you.

If they continue, you should ask them to stop. Tell them that you have heard their mean comments and would appreciate it if they would pick something else to talk about. If it gets really bad, report them to H.R.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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