life

Son Is Unmotivated After Lazy Summer

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 20th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried about my son’s discipline as he starts off this school year. For the first time, he did not have extracurricular activities this summer. He was supposed to have a job, but he couldn’t find one. He mostly hung out with friends or slept around the house. By the time I figured out how unstructured his summer was, it was too late for me to set him up with activities.

Now that school is starting, my son seems sluggish getting up and being pumped for what will surely be a rigorous academic year. How can I get him motivated? I feel responsible for not keeping him on point during the summer. He is in high school, and these are the important years before he heads off to college. What can I do? -- Get Him Motivated

DEAR GET HIM MOTIVATED: It may take your son a few weeks or a pop quiz or test to wake him up to the rigor of school once more. You can support him by helping to make sure that he is up and out of the house on time. Remind him that his responsibility now is to be a good student and to think about where he wants to go to college and what he wants to do with his life. He had a leisurely summer of fun, and now that’s over.

Don’t begrudge him what is in the past. Instead, help him to focus on what is before him. Though he won’t like it, continue to remind him of his goals. Encourage him to keep them front and center. Hopefully, when he starts getting his grades, he will be able to see what is needed to stay the course.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 20, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 20th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I overheard two people at my job talking about me like a dog. They were criticizing my personal style and little things about my life -- not my work, mind you. It was petty, but it sounded pretty vicious. I have no idea why they were going for me like that. I keep to myself and do my work. I don’t socialize with them because I have to get home and take care of my family. Most of them are younger and single. I give them their space, which I thought was the right thing to do. Now it seems that my quietness may be causing them to pass judgment. Should I call them out on their comments or take another approach to dealing with them? -- Catty Co-Workers

DEAR CATTY CO-WORKERS: Perhaps they are grumbling about you because you don’t engage them. If you want to make the effort to build bonds with your co-workers, you may want to start talking to them a little bit. Start by greeting them in the morning. A simple “good morning” with a smile and eye contact counts for a lot. You can compliment them on things they are wearing that you genuinely like. Don’t be fake, though. See if little overtures soften their perception of you.

If they continue, you should ask them to stop. Tell them that you have heard their mean comments and would appreciate it if they would pick something else to talk about. If it gets really bad, report them to H.R.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Shocked That Friend Is Glib About Medicine

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 19th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine just told me that she almost died because she didn’t take her blood pressure medicine. She is a smart, professional woman who has an important job and is involved in many civic organizations, plus she is a wife and mom. She is paying closer attention now, but it’s weird. I don’t understand why she would be so flippant about her medication.

I, too, have high blood pressure. I have never told anyone. I keep mine secret, even as I do take my medication religiously, and she is in denial about needing to take medicine. I consider myself smart, too. What are we doing wrong? What can I do to support myself and my friend? -- On the Verge

DEAR ON THE VERGE: Start by confiding in your friend. Tell her about your health challenges and what you do about them. Be transparent when you talk. Admit to whatever is ailing you. Also, tell her what you have done to support your health. Your candid conversation may help both of you to face reality.

High blood pressure is called the silent killer because many people begin to feel good and then stop taking their medication. Even smart people make not-so-smart decisions. Decide not to be in that group. By holding each other accountable, perhaps you can be more disciplined. Support each other in going for regular medical appointments where you check in on the status of your health -- you are worth it!

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 19, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 19th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a place where people are not allowed to wear fragrance. That is OK, I guess. What isn’t good is that many people don’t wear deodorant. So instead of smelling something floral or even musky at work, I smell B.O. It is awful. And it’s not fair, in my book. If we can’t wear fragrance, at least we should be required to be clean, no? How do I get this point across? -- Bad Odor

DEAR BAD ODOR: Since not wearing fragrance is one of your company’s rules, bring up your concerns to your human resources leader. Be specific. Say that you do not appreciate the rule about not wearing fragrance, as that is part of your daily routine. Explain that you followed the rule anyway, but discovered that fragrance was replaced by body odor. Be vivid in your description, and ask for there to be a rule about cleanliness or, at least, wearing deodorant. If they won’t agree, ask them to allow you to wear a fragrance.

If they don’t give at all, you will have to decide if you can work in that environment. Indeed, you may want to wear your fragrance anyway. If they give you a citation or even take you to court for breach of contract, you can point out what you consider to be the hardship you are facing and sue them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Worried Family Will Judge Blue-Collar Beau

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 18th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a professional family. For several generations, everyone has been college educated and has had a great professional job. I took that route myself, and I am now working in finance, which I like.

I have met and fallen in love with a man who does not have a college degree. He and his family are simple people who live pretty modestly. They are salt-of-the-earth people, too. I love him, and I love them. My boyfriend does landscaping. He has his own truck and all of the tools he needs in order to be self-sufficient, and he does very well. In fact, he already makes way more money than I do in my junior banking job. I know it’s not enough for my family. They expect me to bring home somebody with a pedigree. I haven’t met anybody like that who makes me this happy.

Even though our backgrounds are different, my boyfriend and I like enough of the same things that I think it will be OK. How can I introduce him to my family so that they will accept him? -- Off Class

DEAR OFF CLASS: Being in a relationship with someone of a different class is one of the classic love story tropes, not unlike Cinderella and Prince Charming. Family beliefs and differences can be difficult to overcome, but you do not have to give in. If you love this man and believe that you can build a life together, drum up the courage to make that known to your family.

Start by talking to him and making sure that he understands what to expect when meeting your family. Get him ready so he isn’t too awkward when he meets them. Prep them by letting them know that you will be introducing them to the man you love. Ask them to give him a chance.

Time will tell whether you two can withstand the judgments of your family and carve out a place for you to thrive.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 18, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 18th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer I was invited to so many people’s homes to visit them, kind of in an impromptu way. I spent a weekend in a beach community, and people were so generous in inviting me to come over for drinks or dinner. Some of the people I knew, and others were new to me. It was very nice. Because it all happened so quickly, I wasn’t always able to bring a gift with me, like a bottle of wine or chocolates or something. Should I follow up with a gift? I have all of their phone numbers because we were mainly texting one another. What is an appropriate way to let them know how much I enjoyed their hospitality? -- Follow-Through

DEAR FOLLOW-THROUGH: If you took photos that include the people you visited and yourself, it would be sweet to send a thank-you text expressing your gratitude for their hospitality and sharing a memory of your time together. A bottle of wine after the fact is not necessary.

It is great when you visit people’s homes to bring them something -- what used to be called a hostess gift. But this is not a requirement. In impromptu settings like what you have described, sometimes you just have to go with the flow. But calling or texting to say thank you is thoughtful and memorable. Adding a photo helps to capture the memory for later times.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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