life

Reader Terrified of Natural Disasters

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 16th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so scared because of the extreme weather in the world. When I listen to the news, I can’t tell what to believe. Some leaders say that this is all happening because of climate change, and they say that it is not too late for us to change our ways. Others say that’s a bunch of baloney, and human beings have nothing to do with the weather patterns.

I am so scared. I want to know if there is anything that I can do to make our planet better rather than just waiting until the next natural disaster possibly hurts me and my family. What can I do? -- Scared of the Weather

DEAR SCARED OF THE WEATHER: While there are varying opinions about the state of our world and our direct responsibility for it, most experts agree that human beings have contributed to climate change. In the simplest of terms, our carbon footprint increases with the energy used to create many conveniences in our lives. According to NASA, “Your carbon footprint is the amount of carbon dioxide released into the air because of your own energy needs. You need transportation, electricity, food, clothing and other goods. Your choices can make a difference.” The most direct way that each of us can support the Earth is by being conscious of how we use energy. That includes turning off electronic appliances.

Now, the debate continues as to whether our choices have caused devastating storms like the most recent, Hurricane Dorian, which devastated the Bahamas. But many experts suggest that we should do things today that can help reduce further damage in the future. For more information about climate change, go to climate.nasa.gov/causes and

https://go.nasa.gov/2lEsuUn. To learn what you can do to help reduce your carbon footprint, go to climatekids.nasa.gov/how-to-help.

If you want to contribute to the rebuilding of communities that have been devastated by Dorian, you can go to redcross.org or look for local charities that are working to help out.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 16, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 16th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister and I are three years apart. We got along pretty well when we were growing up, but we haven’t stayed close as adults. We live in two different countries and rarely see each other. When our family got together this summer, it was nice in a way, but also really awkward. We ended up getting into an argument about nothing really, but it was bad. We left without resolving anything. I fear that if we don’t make a decision to mend our fences, it might never happen. What can we do? -- Bad Sibling Vibes

DEAR BAD SIBLING VIBES: Contact your sister and tell her that you hate that the two of you had such a bad experience. Tell her you don’t want to leave it like that. Ask her if you can agree to forgive each other for whatever happened and figure out ways to stay connected. Tell her that you want to have a relationship with her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Influencer Thinking of Ending Friendships

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 14th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like many of the friends I’ve known since I was in high school are resentful of me ever since I’ve become an influencer. I feel like I’m being mistreated and get ditched by them occasionally. I’m not sure if it is me changing or them being jealous of me. I want to talk to them about this before I end our friendships. How should I discuss this with them? -- Bad Influence

DEAR BAD INFLUENCE: We do now live in a culture where being an “influencer” is a thing. But it has always been true that some people in a community stand out as the ones who attract more attention than others, possibly get more opportunities and even make more money. When a person rises up the food chain, so to speak, and becomes attractive to a much broader group of people, it can be off-putting to the person’s core group of friends. Given the way that social media works with likes and friends and metrics, it can be daunting for real-life friends to see your profile grow. Honestly, it is probably daunting for you, too.

How you can attempt to manage your personal life and your influencer life is to remember that one is work and one is not. Your personal life should remain important to you because those relationships should be grounded in people actually knowing you, not just what you present to the public.

Speak to your friends honestly. Let them know that you do hope that your influencer status will help you with your work pursuits, but you do not want to lose their friendships. Tell them how important they are to you. Remind them that you knew them way before you began to reach influencer status, and you value them tremendously.

Tell them it has hurt your feelings when they have ditched you. Ask if you have done something to offend them. Talk out whatever is going on. That’s how you will know if you will be able to survive this bumpy part of your friendships.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 14, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 14th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has been rebellious and unreliable for years now, and it stresses me out to interact with him. He is 19 years old and leaving for his second year of college soon. I want to be a better parent, and I think I need to change my parenting strategy. I gave him too much freedom growing up, and now I want to find ways to discipline him, but it is difficult because he is older. What measures can I take? -- Too Late

DEAR TOO LATE: The best thing you can do is have a frank discussion with your son where you tell him what you think about his behavior and where you believe it is leading him. Apologize for being too lenient with him when he was younger. Point out specific behaviors you have witnessed that have not served him well, but also point out anything good and hopeful about him that you can muster.

Tell him what you want for him and his life, and recommend that he get focused so that he can accomplish his goals. Remind him that he is independent now. Make it clear that you want to help him in any way that you can, but now is the time for him to help himself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend Wants To Celebrate Woman’s Remission

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 13th, 2019 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who had breast cancer several years ago. She seems to be in the safe zone, so to speak, in that six years have gone by. She told me that if you pass five years without a relapse, you are considered to be cancer-free. I started thinking that maybe this is something I should celebrate with her. Just as I was going to suggest doing something special in honor of her good health, she told me that another friend of hers just died from complications of some kind of cancer that came back after several years.

My friend is so sad and I want to support her, but I don’t think a celebration is in order at this time. What can I do to cheer her up and let her know how grateful I am that she is alive? I don’t want to be insensitive. I just want to show her that she is greatly loved. -- Cancer Be Gone

DEAR CANCER BE GONE: You do not have to create a special occasion to spend time with your friend and show her your love. Now that her good friend has died, she will likely appreciate your support and attention. Invite her to do something upbeat that she enjoys that will allow you two to have fun and talk to each other. Let her guide the conversation about her health and her friend. Do your best to be a good listener, and refrain from being an inquisitor.

When people lose loved ones, they often think about their own mortality. This is especially true for cancer survivors. Your best way of showing your love is to listen and follow your friend’s cues. She will let you know what she wants to discuss.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 13, 2019

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 13th, 2019 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had several medical challenges this year that have taken me to the hospital. Nothing was earth-shattering, but I now have a pile of bills from the hospital and from various doctors. I can’t afford to pay all of these bills, and I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed. I used to be afraid of bill collectors for my credit card. Now it’s medical bill collectors. What can I do to manage this? I have been avoiding them, but obviously that’s a bad idea. -- Medical Debt

DEAR MEDICAL DEBT: Just as with credit card debt, when you have mounting medical debt, you need to speak directly to your creditors. Let them know that you don’t mean to shirk your responsibility to pay your bills, but you do not have the means to pay in full at this time. Ask to establish a payment plan so that you can pay down your debt and prove that you are being responsible as you are being realistic about what you can handle financially.

Stay clear and focused when you speak to the bill collectors. Remember that their job is to recover as much money as they can. Generally, they will be willing to work with you as long as you show sincere commitment to pay the money you owe. You may also be able to negotiate a bit if you can prove financial hardship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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