DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who had breast cancer several years ago. She seems to be in the safe zone, so to speak, in that six years have gone by. She told me that if you pass five years without a relapse, you are considered to be cancer-free. I started thinking that maybe this is something I should celebrate with her. Just as I was going to suggest doing something special in honor of her good health, she told me that another friend of hers just died from complications of some kind of cancer that came back after several years.

My friend is so sad and I want to support her, but I don’t think a celebration is in order at this time. What can I do to cheer her up and let her know how grateful I am that she is alive? I don’t want to be insensitive. I just want to show her that she is greatly loved. -- Cancer Be Gone

DEAR CANCER BE GONE: You do not have to create a special occasion to spend time with your friend and show her your love. Now that her good friend has died, she will likely appreciate your support and attention. Invite her to do something upbeat that she enjoys that will allow you two to have fun and talk to each other. Let her guide the conversation about her health and her friend. Do your best to be a good listener, and refrain from being an inquisitor.

When people lose loved ones, they often think about their own mortality. This is especially true for cancer survivors. Your best way of showing your love is to listen and follow your friend’s cues. She will let you know what she wants to discuss.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have had several medical challenges this year that have taken me to the hospital. Nothing was earth-shattering, but I now have a pile of bills from the hospital and from various doctors. I can’t afford to pay all of these bills, and I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed. I used to be afraid of bill collectors for my credit card. Now it’s medical bill collectors. What can I do to manage this? I have been avoiding them, but obviously that’s a bad idea. -- Medical Debt

DEAR MEDICAL DEBT: Just as with credit card debt, when you have mounting medical debt, you need to speak directly to your creditors. Let them know that you don’t mean to shirk your responsibility to pay your bills, but you do not have the means to pay in full at this time. Ask to establish a payment plan so that you can pay down your debt and prove that you are being responsible as you are being realistic about what you can handle financially.

Stay clear and focused when you speak to the bill collectors. Remember that their job is to recover as much money as they can. Generally, they will be willing to work with you as long as you show sincere commitment to pay the money you owe. You may also be able to negotiate a bit if you can prove financial hardship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has very fair skin, so I always caution her to stay out of the sun. This summer, she went away for the weekend with some of her high school friends, and when she returned, she had a severe sunburn. Her skin continues to peel, and she is uncomfortable.

I am worried about my daughter. Skin cancer has been an issue in our family, and I am scared that this could happen to her, probably not now but in the future. How can I get her to take this seriously? I know she wants to have fun with her friends, but lying out in the sun is like poison for her. -- Protect My Daughter

DEAR PROTECT MY DAUGHTER: Take your daughter to a dermatologist and have her skin examined carefully to learn what she should do to heal it and what damage has already occurred. Talk to the dermatologist about your family history so that all the details that you know are on the table. Ask the doctor to explain to your daughter how to care for her skin. This should include specific details on how she can be in the sun.

Chances are, your daughter will go back into the sun again, so she should practice whatever precautions the dermatologist gives her. I have an Irish friend, for example, who loves the beach but whose skin is far too sensitive to soak up the rays. She has head-to-toe caftans and big floppy hats that she wears -- along with sunscreen with high levels of zinc -- to make it possible for her to enjoy the beach. Help your daughter create a safe way of being out in the sun so that she doesn’t have to miss out on fun with her friends.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been collecting books and magazines for years. I didn’t realize how many I have until I recently began working with my husband to declutter our home. I’m embarrassed to say that I have not read most of the books that I own. As I have been rediscovering many of them, I find myself putting them aside to read later. But this strategy isn’t working. I now have a corner that has a huge pile of books to be read. The goal is to get the books out of my house. Can you recommend a strategy for getting rid of these books? -- Too Many Books

DEAR TOO MANY BOOKS: I love the approach that Marie Kondo has toward decluttering your space. I will paraphrase by saying that she recommends thanking each item for its presence in your life, then letting it go. You can adopt this practice with your books. If you have not looked at them, let alone read them, for months or years, it is time to say goodbye to them.

Consider making piles of books that will go to specific places or people. Categorize the books so that they are easy to distribute. Your local public library might be interested. Hospitals and senior centers sometimes want books. Used bookstores like the Strand or Half Price Books could be interested. Churches and community centers are great places to take books.

If that sorting ends up being too big a project, you can also find a Little Free Library to put them in, or just put them outside in boxes and write “TAKE ME” on the box. Someone will find a new home for them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Today is a day of remembrance. Because “war” seems to happen “over there” somewhere, many of us didn’t connect to the visceral realities of war and tragedy in an immediate way until this day, 9/11, 18 years ago.

There is hate in the world, and it can devastate us right here at home. We reserve this moment to express our sorrow that thousands of people lost their lives on this fateful day. We honor them and their sacrifice as we also resolve to find ways to make our world safer.

One of the things that I have liked about this election cycle is hearing so many ideas about what can be done to make our country stronger. Though I am not espousing one candidate over another, I want to point out a great idea that motivational speaker and author Marianne Williamson has offered -- to create a federal Department of Peace. I love the idea of making a conscious effort to invoke peaceful action from the top down, and to create programming and other activities to promote the sharing of peace among us.

I learned long ago from my parents that whatever we focus our attention on is what we bring to bear in the world. What if we focused on peace? What would our actions be if we used that as our lens?

I have been practicing meditation for many years, and a principle that we follow is “see God in each other.” Think about that: In most spiritual traditions, there is the belief that however you understand God, you must also believe that what invigorates you -- what makes you conscious and alive -- is that which God ignited within you. Consider that idea. If the life force inside you and me springs from God, then what if we look for that goodness in people when we engage them? Especially when we are facing friction, discomfort, strong emotions or anything negative, what if we choose to speak to God within those people rather than to grasp the worst in them and call that out?

I have tried this many times. It is not easy to practice looking for goodness in someone when you are angry or upset. It is much easier to have thoughts and feelings and sometimes express words that stoke negative reactions. But what if you choose not to let the bad thoughts in? What if you choose to search for goodness and peace? What if you practice forgiveness rather than holding onto negativity?

If this sounds way too theoretical to you, make it concrete. Think about a person or situation that upsets you. How have you addressed it in the past? Did you let your emotions get the best of you? Were you level-headed? What happened based on your behavior? What control did you engage or relinquish in that experience? Notice how you behaved and how you felt afterward. My experience is that when we do not fall into the depths of negativity, we create space for peace, love, forgiveness and possibility.

Even in the worst situations -- like the aftermath of 9/11 -- when we make space for love even when we experience pain, there is room for healing. We may never know why people had so much hatred for our country that they would choose to hurt us in this way. But maybe offering love even to those who want to hurt us may help to heal those wounds and neutralize that hate. We can make the choice to do what many church congregations do every Sunday -- pass the peace.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)