DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a vivid dream the other night that my old boss appeared at an event and asked me how my marriage was going. I said, “Fine.” My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years. We have our ups and downs, but mostly I would say we are fine. In my dream, my boss looked at me intently and said, “No! Things are not fine.” I woke up with a start and wondered what this meant.
A few days later, my husband’s old college friend appeared, and they have been hanging out a lot. I joined them once, but mainly it has been the two of them. Normally that wouldn’t make a difference to me, but now I’m not so sure. Should I ask him if he is cheating? Should I tell my husband about my dream? What should I do? -- Marriage Blues
DEAR MARRIAGE BLUES: Sit down with your husband and tell him about your dream. Describe it in detail, and tell him how jarring it was for you. Point out that because it woke you up with a start, you have begun to think about your life and wonder if your opinions about it reflect your husband’s. Ask him if he is content in your marriage. Tell him you think this dream was a reminder for both of you to check in with each other about how you feel and what you want for your futures. Encourage him to open up. Ask him if he feels there is any validity to your dream.
If your gut says that there may be something brewing between him and the old college friend, ask him. It’s better to get everything out on the table, but I wouldn’t lead with that. The friend may represent nothing, or they could be the sign of something deeper that needs to be addressed.