DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a vivid dream the other night that my old boss appeared at an event and asked me how my marriage was going. I said, “Fine.” My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years. We have our ups and downs, but mostly I would say we are fine. In my dream, my boss looked at me intently and said, “No! Things are not fine.” I woke up with a start and wondered what this meant.

A few days later, my husband’s old college friend appeared, and they have been hanging out a lot. I joined them once, but mainly it has been the two of them. Normally that wouldn’t make a difference to me, but now I’m not so sure. Should I ask him if he is cheating? Should I tell my husband about my dream? What should I do? -- Marriage Blues

DEAR MARRIAGE BLUES: Sit down with your husband and tell him about your dream. Describe it in detail, and tell him how jarring it was for you. Point out that because it woke you up with a start, you have begun to think about your life and wonder if your opinions about it reflect your husband’s. Ask him if he is content in your marriage. Tell him you think this dream was a reminder for both of you to check in with each other about how you feel and what you want for your futures. Encourage him to open up. Ask him if he feels there is any validity to your dream.

If your gut says that there may be something brewing between him and the old college friend, ask him. It’s better to get everything out on the table, but I wouldn’t lead with that. The friend may represent nothing, or they could be the sign of something deeper that needs to be addressed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I consider myself a smart person, but I haven’t always made the best choices. I have had great moments in my work and personal lives, but for the past few years, things have been rough. I have no savings, and I work freelance. I worry that any little thing could topple me, and I wouldn’t be able to survive the hiccup. Sometimes I wonder if I would be more valuable dead than alive. I don’t mean to sound melodramatic. I’m serious. The one smart thing I did after my children were born was to buy a hearty life insurance policy. No matter what, I pay that each month. I don’t have two pennies to rub together, as my grandmother would say, but I’m worth a million dollars dead. Part of me wants to call it a day. Do you understand where I’m coming from? -- Hopeless

DEAR HOPELESS: Every day that you wake up, you have the opportunity to make a better experience for yourself and your family. As despondent as you are feeling right now, you need to believe that you deserve happiness and abundance, and it is possible for you to experience these things. Now is a great time for you to get support, too. If you have medical insurance, consider going to see a mental health professional who can help talk you through some of your issues. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255 to talk to someone about how you feel.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got a tattoo on my arm without my boyfriend knowing, and when I told him, he freaked out a bit. He apologized later, but this really struck a nerve with me. I am going to ask him why he thought this was such a big deal; he shouldn’t think he has control over my body. How should I approach the relationship if that is the case? -- Tattoo Girl

DEAR TATTOO GIRL: Your action brings up lots of questions. Do you have tattoos already? Does he? Have you ever talked about what tattoos mean to you?

Your boyfriend’s freakout could have come for any number of reasons. He might be controlling, and if that is the case, you obviously can take a stand that he has no right to control your body. But look a little deeper; tattooing your body is something that people have strong opinions about. Do you know how he feels? Given that you are in a relationship with him, it is worth finding out. This lands in the space of values. What are each of your values around this action? Given that tattoos are permanent, I think it is fair for couples to discuss them before they commit to them -- not for permission, but for understanding.

Let this moment create space for the two of you to talk about a range of things that matter to you and how you make decisions. Tattoos can be part of the conversation, but not the only topic.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to pursue my passion in writing, but I am currently in a prestigious engineering program, and my parents have put a lot of pressure on me to perform well. I do not want to disappoint my parents, but I do not think I will be able to write as well with this much pressure and academic stress going on in my life. What should I do? -- Writer Engineer

DEAR WRITER ENGINEER: What do you want to do with your life? You need to answer that fundamental question. Can you see yourself as an engineer? If so, pursue that field with passion and focus, committing as much time as necessary to be successful. Simultaneously, you can commit time each weekend to your writing pursuits. Many people have double majors in school. Find out if you can incorporate writing into your program, either as a major or a minor, or even just with supplementary classes.

If you do not want to be an engineer, own that and tell your parents. It takes a lot of time, money and commitment to make it as an engineer. If you cannot be serious at it, don’t waste your parents’ money. But know that if you defy the plan that they have for you that you agreed to follow, they may not be as financially supportive of your dreams.

This is when your own interests and intentions need to kick in. What do you want? What are you willing to work to achieve? How badly do you want to be a writer? Are you willing to work at it every day? Test your resolve before you decide to defy your parents. I am definitely one who believes in pursuing your dreams, but you have to be ready, willing and strong enough to stick to your own plan in order to be a success at what you say you want to do. The funny thing is, if you can get yourself fully aligned to launch your dream, chances are your parents will be supportive because they will see that you are ready.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my sister recently, and I wore a dress that I had on in a photo on social media about two years ago. Innocently, she asked me how I know how to pose in these social media photos so that I look slim. She said, “No offense, but in person you look 20 pounds heavier than in that picture. What did you do? I want to know how to do that.”

I was so embarrassed. I know she didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. We love each other so much. I believe she wanted posing advice. The truth is that I probably have gained close to 20 pounds since that photo. I told her as much, but I also now feel even more self-conscious.

I’m not mad at her. I guess I’m mad at myself for not realizing how out of shape I have become. What should I do? -- Photos Don’t Lie

DEAR PHOTOS DON’T LIE: Consider this moment a wake-up call. It sounds like the last thing your sister meant to do was insult you, so don’t take it as that. Instead, envision yourself in that same dress 20 pounds lighter. You were there only two years ago. With diet and exercise, you can get there again. Commit to exercising a minimum of three days a week. The easiest thing you can do is walk. You can walk at your own pace, preferably for 10,000 steps each day. You may also want to record everything you eat. Watch out for carbs, sugar and too much meat. If you make your diet lean and low-calorie, you will begin to shave off the pounds. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend whose husband is at least 20 years older than her. He is a nice man and has been lots of fun over the years, but now he is up in age and not doing so well.

Talking about age has always been a sensitive topic for her. In the early years, it was because they had way more things than the rest of us because he was more advanced in his career and had money. Now it is because he is not so healthy and uses a wheelchair. I want to be there for my friend, but I’m not sure how to get past her impenetrable wall of privacy. -- Support My Friend

DEAR SUPPORT MY FRIEND: Since your friend has been private all along, chances are slim that she is suddenly going to open up. That said, you can make it clear that you want to help her in any way that you can. Invite her out, just the two of you, and try to get her to talk a bit about her life as you share what’s going on in yours. State the obvious: You have noticed that her husband is a wheelchair user and doesn’t seem to be in great health. Ask if she needs any support. Remind her of good times that you have had together over the years, and speak of highlights that you know about her husband. Tell her that you respect him -- and her -- and that you would like to support in any way you can. That’s all you can do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)