DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my sister recently, and I wore a dress that I had on in a photo on social media about two years ago. Innocently, she asked me how I know how to pose in these social media photos so that I look slim. She said, “No offense, but in person you look 20 pounds heavier than in that picture. What did you do? I want to know how to do that.”

I was so embarrassed. I know she didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. We love each other so much. I believe she wanted posing advice. The truth is that I probably have gained close to 20 pounds since that photo. I told her as much, but I also now feel even more self-conscious.

I’m not mad at her. I guess I’m mad at myself for not realizing how out of shape I have become. What should I do? -- Photos Don’t Lie

DEAR PHOTOS DON’T LIE: Consider this moment a wake-up call. It sounds like the last thing your sister meant to do was insult you, so don’t take it as that. Instead, envision yourself in that same dress 20 pounds lighter. You were there only two years ago. With diet and exercise, you can get there again. Commit to exercising a minimum of three days a week. The easiest thing you can do is walk. You can walk at your own pace, preferably for 10,000 steps each day. You may also want to record everything you eat. Watch out for carbs, sugar and too much meat. If you make your diet lean and low-calorie, you will begin to shave off the pounds. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend whose husband is at least 20 years older than her. He is a nice man and has been lots of fun over the years, but now he is up in age and not doing so well.

Talking about age has always been a sensitive topic for her. In the early years, it was because they had way more things than the rest of us because he was more advanced in his career and had money. Now it is because he is not so healthy and uses a wheelchair. I want to be there for my friend, but I’m not sure how to get past her impenetrable wall of privacy. -- Support My Friend

DEAR SUPPORT MY FRIEND: Since your friend has been private all along, chances are slim that she is suddenly going to open up. That said, you can make it clear that you want to help her in any way that you can. Invite her out, just the two of you, and try to get her to talk a bit about her life as you share what’s going on in yours. State the obvious: You have noticed that her husband is a wheelchair user and doesn’t seem to be in great health. Ask if she needs any support. Remind her of good times that you have had together over the years, and speak of highlights that you know about her husband. Tell her that you respect him -- and her -- and that you would like to support in any way you can. That’s all you can do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I was straightening up my son’s room while he was at camp this summer, I found a vape pen inside his pillowcase. I knew that he has tried vaping, because we talked about it. But I was crystal clear with him that it is bad for him and that he should not continue it. He assured me that he did not like it, he did it a long time ago and it was over. I was shocked to find this little thing that looks like a USB drive in his pillow.

How should I address this with him? I want to keep the lines of communication open. He is a teenager, so I know he will try things, but I don’t want him to lie. -- Don’t Vape

DEAR DON’T VAPE: Keeping an even tone, present your findings to your son, and tell him that you found it in his room when you were cleaning up. Ask him why he had it. Give him space to answer. Tell him that you want to trust him, but you recall that he said he tried vaping but did not like it; you do not understand why he would have a vape pen in his possession.

Use this opportunity to ask him to tell you what else he has tried. Create space for the two of you to talk. If you are too harsh, he may lie or shut down and not talk to you. You can make it clear that you do not approve of nicotine or drug use. You can also let him know that you want to be able to talk openly with him about his choices and that you understand that sometimes he will make mistakes. That said, do not give him back the vape pen!

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is having a big birthday, and she wants to have a party. My siblings and I are going to host it for her, which will be great. At first I wasn’t involved in any of the planning. I asked to participate, and now I am getting details. Among them is the cost of the event. I feel terrible. I used to be successful in my career, but I have fallen on hard times. I cannot afford to pay an equal share in the cost of the event. I hate having to say this to my siblings. It makes me feel like such a loser. The reality is, though, that I don’t have the money. How should I address this? I don’t want to ignore it, because it will just get awkward later. -- Elephant in the Room

DEAR ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM: You need to be upfront with your siblings right away. You may want to choose to talk to the one with whom you are the closest. State what is likely obvious to all of them: You have limited resources. Express your desire to help with the party in whatever ways that you can, but make it clear that you cannot afford to split the bill with them. You can offer to contribute a particular amount that is manageable to you, possibly over time. Offer to contribute in other ways that may be helpful and that may be valuable responsibilities that you can assume rather than incurring additional costs.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago. We had been dating for two years when things went bad, and we decided to call it quits. I had a one-night stand during our break, but I have been communicating with my ex again, and it seems like we both want to get back together at some point. Should I tell her about my one-night stand immediately, or should I wait for her to ask about it? -- Getting Back Together

DEAR GETTING BACK TOGETHER: I vote for keeping that information to yourself. You say that you broke up with your ex before this happened, which means that you did not break any covenant of fidelity to her. Revealing that you were intimate with someone else -- even if it was only for one night -- is likely to trigger all kinds of worries and emotions. That isn’t necessary.

If the two of you are seriously interested in trying to be in a relationship again, talk about what you want, and be honest about what’s important to you. Be honest about your priorities and needs. Give each other space to talk through your hopes and fears. Figure out if there seems to be a way forward for you.

In the context of these talks, if it seems natural to reveal what happened, you may do so. But it is not necessary or wise to volunteer that information at the start. Having a one-night stand or even dating for an extended period of time when you were not together is separate from your relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my employees has been acting differently at work. I manage a boutique -- including the employees -- and while his change has not been negative, it has been perplexing. He used to be somewhat social with customers, but now he fluctuates between being social and closed off. I do not know if this change is a good thing or a bad thing for him personally, but it is odd for the store. I want to ask him about it, but I do not know what to say. How should I approach this situation? -- Perplexed Boss

DEAR PERPLEXED BOSS: Your powers of observation are revealing to you that something is going on in this man’s life. Be gentle as you approach him. Let him know that you want to check in with him. Tell him that you have noticed that he is acting a bit differently. Be specific when you point out moments when he has been engaging with customers and other times when he has been closed off. Point out what you would consider his baseline behavior to be and how his recent behavior differs. Ask him if he has noticed what you are mentioning. Also inquire as to whether everything is OK in his world, or if something different is happening.

Choose your words carefully. Don’t suggest that something is wrong. Saying that you notice that he is acting differently is less charged. If he reveals what’s going on with him, do your best to help him if he needs it. If he does not, make it clear to him how you need him to engage customers, and let him know you will support him as best you can. If he continues to demonstrate mood swings, you will have to decide if there is something else he can do that involves less interaction with the public.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)