DEAR HARRIETTE: I was working on an intense project recently, and after a while, everybody got pretty testy, mainly because of the long hours and the lack of sleep or breaks. One of the members of the team, who has worked on this job for many years, has a short fuse; he started grumbling about the work conditions. He was pretty harmless -- mostly just letting off steam -- but it got back to the big boss, who was very upset. My co-worker apologized, but he continued to grumble about things in private while we were still at the work site. He didn’t seem to understand that he should keep his thoughts to himself until he was safely away from the job. How can I impress that upon him? He’s a nice guy and a hard worker, but I fear he will lose his job if he keeps this up. -- Shut Your Mouth

DEAR SHUT YOUR MOUTH: I worked on a project once with a high-level businessman, Earl G. Graves, founder of Black Enterprise. I was a young professional, and he entrusted me with supporting him on an important project. One day after a productive meeting, we were in an elevator leaving the building when I began to talk about how great I thought the meeting went. Immediately, he turned to me and said, “Wait until we clear the building.” When we got outside, he told me that you should never debrief in any way, including to say nice things, until you are completely off-site and out of earshot of your client. I never forgot that.

Tell your friend that if he wants to be successful, he must learn to be mum when silence is called for. That especially includes tense times when in the company of the boss!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I met a guy at a social work function and, after talking to him for a while, realized that we have a couple of mutual friends. One of them is the best friend of my ex-husband. We broke up more than 30 years ago, but it was not a good breakup, and I was not nice.

I didn’t know what to say to my colleague when we parted ways. I gave him the briefest heads up, telling him that I knew his friend because he was friends with my ex, and we had a bad breakup. I indicated that I told him so he wouldn’t be caught off guard in case it came up. I knew he was going to call his friend to say we met and how much fun we had together at this event. This man’s last interaction with me was about my ex, and it wasn’t positive. Did I do the right thing? -- Managing Expectations

DEAR MANAGING EXPECTATIONS: What you did was fine, in that you made sure the man wouldn’t find himself flat-footed if your name did come up in a bad light. It also could have been fine for you to say nothing. Your ex’s best friend likely has fewer memories of your past than you do. It could have been a nonissue entirely if you hadn’t mentioned that part of the past.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 15-year-old son came home late from a party with his friends. In the morning, I noticed that he had a hickey on his neck. Now, I am no prude, but I’m also no dummy. I need to remind him of how to protect himself, but when I attempted to talk about it, he brushed me off, saying it wasn’t a big deal.

If he is old enough to sneak out and get a hickey, I think he is old enough to have the conversation about how to protect himself. I have talked to him here and there over the years, but now it’s real. How can I talk to him when he doesn’t want to talk to me? -- Coming of Age

DEAR COMING OF AGE: Your son doesn’t get to dictate this conversation. I do hope he has already learned the basics of sexuality and safe sex behavior, as 15 years old is late to introduce this information. That said, sit him down and tell him that you see that someone is interested in him, based on the hickey on his neck. Ask him who it is, and if the person is important to him. Be direct and ask him if he has had sexual intercourse yet. He may just be doing what used to be called “heavy petting.” Do your best to find out what he is up to.

Give him condoms and tell him that if and when he chooses to be sexually active, he needs to be protected 100% of the time. Tell him if you think he is too young to be sexually active, and that he needs to be safe. Be explicit when you tell him why, including preventing sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

You shouldn’t be harsh in this conversation. Instead, be informational. You should also emphasize your beliefs about when it is appropriate to have sex. You must remind your son of your family’s values even as you can see that he is exploring and trying to figure out what he is willing to do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m meeting my boyfriend’s family for the first time, and I’m extremely nervous about it. I want to present myself as best as possible, but I’m worried that I will be grilled too hard and say something I shouldn’t. How can I be more confident in this situation? -- Meeting the Parents

DEAR MEETING THE PARENTS: Interview your boyfriend about his parents. Learn about what interests them -- and what irks them. Find out what their favorite things are. Bring a gift for them that reflects their interests.

Take a deep breath and remind yourself of why you like their son. Be prepared to say that out loud if it comes up. Agree with your boyfriend about what you want to share with his parents about your relationship and what, if anything, you want to keep private.

Dress modestly while maintaining your style. Set an intention that you will be comfortable and at ease with them. Answer any questions they ask, and be ready with stories that bring your world to life for them. As long as you tell the truth, you shouldn’t have to worry about saying anything inappropriate. But if you do say something that they don’t like, you can apologize -- if the moment calls for it.

Practice mindful breathing. Whenever you feel uncomfortable, take a few breaths and trust that you will be OK.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just spent time with some women who are friends with someone I grew up with. I used to be close to this friend’s mother, and I would talk to her from time to time over the years, but we lost touch with each other. I learned from these women that my friend’s mom is in poor health and her daughter is taking care of her. I want to reach out to say hello, but I also feel terrible that I haven’t reached out in several years. Do you think they will appreciate my call, or will they be resentful that it seems like I forgot about them? -- Want to Reach Out

DEAR WANT TO REACH OUT: My vote is for reaching out right away. In this moment, you are thinking about this family and knowing that they are suffering. Your pleasant call will likely bring them joy. Instead of bemoaning how long it has been since you spoke, focus on the here and now. Tell them that you have been thinking about them and that you are so happy to be in touch.

If you can speak directly to the mom and she has her faculties, tell her about your life and your family. She will likely enjoy hearing about anything joyful that you can share. Ask her how she is doing. Listen to her tell you whatever is on her mind. Sometimes older people will dwell on their ailments. Other times, they will reminisce about family. It could even happen that she could chastise you for not calling sooner. Whatever she says, offer her love, and commit to being in touch more often. If you can, it would be great for you to follow up with both of them in the coming months. Who knows how long the mom will be here? It is wonderful for you to stay connected now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just noticed on social media that one of my high school friends who is now grown and married with children sent his two kids overseas for summer programs. The pictures look amazing. I’m happy for him, but if I am honest, I am also a bit jealous. I could hardly pay for my kids to go to the local day camp. I can’t figure out how he was able to do these trips abroad. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I want these kinds of experiences for my children, too. Do you think that people who are not rich can sometimes get their kids into these kinds of programs? -- Battling Envy

DEAR BATTLING ENVY: Thank you for your honesty. It can be hard to see your acquaintances flourishing when you are feeling depleted. Rather than falling into a space of self-pity because you don’t have whatever they are showing on social media, do some research. Many programs for young people offer scholarships for a small percentage of participants.

Look up the programs that you find interesting, and inquire about whether they offer financial aid or academic scholarships. You will likely be surprised to learn how many programs are inclusive in that way.

If you are in touch with your high school friend, you might also reach out to him to say how you were inspired by his kids’ photos. Ask him if either of those programs offers financial aid. If you are direct and honest about your financial situation, you create space for people to support you in reaching your dreams for your family. Honesty is far more powerful and productive than envy.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)