DEAR HARRIETTE: I work freelance and do not make a dollar when I am off work. I just got called in for jury duty, and it's at my busiest time of work. I have to go, because they threatened to fine or arrest me because I have been unable to make it in the past. I am worried that I am going to lose work if I get picked for a jury. What can I do? -- NO JURY DUTY

DEAR NO JURY DUTY: You must go to court on the day that you have been asked to show up. Go with your paperwork in hand. Apologize for not having shown up before and then plead your case. Make it clear how you earn a living and that you need the work that is coming in right now.

Ask if you can reschedule jury duty for a specific time in the future. You will need to recommend a time and then see if they will agree. There is a chance that they will say no, since you have been negligent, but be kind and conciliatory and patient. Perhaps they will work with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not like my job and want to quit. I feel like every day there is something else that my boss is picking at me about. I never seem to measure up, no matter how hard I try. I do go in and ask for guidance when she says I have done something wrong. Honestly, I feel like she has it out for me. I can't imagine that I am so bad that nothing I do is satisfactory. I have noticed that she can be mean to my co-workers too, but they don't seem to be affected by it. This is my first job out of college, and it is not a good fit.

People tell me I should stay at a job for a year, but I can't imagine that I will be able to do that. Should I just quit right now? I'm not a quitter, though. I worked hard in school and got good grades. I don't want to be a loser. What should I do? -- BAD BOSS

DEAR BAD BOSS: Request a meeting with your boss and ask her to give you guidance on how you can do a better job. Be proactive with her. Let her know that you pride yourself on doing good work, and that you need her support to ensure that you are able to work to the specifications she has for you. Ask her to help you. This will let her know that you are serious about being successful there.

Do not quit your job. Instead, you can quietly look for another job. There are many online sources that post jobs. Look for something in your area of interest and apply broadly. Think about your best attributes so that you can talk about what is positive about you in your interviews. Do not talk about what isn't working at your current job. Instead, talk about what you are learning but pivot immediately to what you want to do with the company interviewing you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Usually I put my son in summer camp, but I didn't make him go this year. He wanted to have less structured time, which I understand. He has been oversubscribed for most of his life.

The problem is that I can hardly get him to do anything. He is sleeping a lot and claiming he doesn't feel well whenever I ask him to do something. Contrast that to when he wants to hang out with his friends and he suddenly has energy. What can I do to put some structure around his summer? -- SUMMER FREE

DEAR SUMMER FREE: You went from one extreme to the other with your son's summer. Now it's time to sit down with him and map out how he will spend the next few weeks. Look for some kind of extracurricular program in your city that he can attend. Often there are events that last for a week, or even single-day activities for young people that may be of interest. Sign him up for as many of those as you can.

Create a schedule that includes reading and prep for school. Most schools provide vacation reading lists, so he should be working on those assignments throughout the summer. You should check to make sure he is doing them.

Finally, make it clear to him that he has to do things that you arrange if he also expects to do things with his friends. The penalty for bailing on you is being prohibited to hang out with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Every summer for the past few years I have gone to visit my mother for a week or so. This year I haven't scheduled the trip yet. Things have gotten very busy at work, and I have been invited to participate in a few fun activities on the weekends with new friends. I just haven't booked my trip.

My mother is getting up in age, so I know I should go see her. As I look at the summer schedule thus far, though, I don't see a time that will work. I was thinking of planning the trip for early fall. Do I seem selfish for not making the trip now? I can go in September. What do you think? -- VISITING MOM

DEAR VISITING MOM: You need to talk to your mother and manage her expectations. If you have a rhythm that you have followed for years that you are now breaking, chances are she will notice. This doesn't mean that you can't change your trip. It does mean that you need to check in with her and make a plan together.

First, verify in your schedule when you think it works best for you to spend a week with your mother. Then talk to her about your idea of visiting in the early fall. You should also get a sense of how she is managing and what her plans are for the summer. Check to ensure that she isn't simply waiting for you to come but that she is active at home and enjoying her life, too.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was working with my colleague the other day on a longtime project. We were chitchatting, and everything was fine until he attempted to say something complimentary, but it really was racist. I know he was trying to be nice to me. I also know that he cares a lot about me, but I feel like I should tell him that what he said was off. He told me that he thought that my skin color and that of another woman were so beautiful, just the right color of brown -- not too dark, not too light.

You may think I'm being too sensitive, but for a white man to comment on gradations of color and give me and this woman high marks for being lighter-skinned is all kinds of wrong. How can I address this without coming off as overly sensitive? I feel like he would appreciate me talking to him about it if I can figure out what to say. -- COLOR SENSITIVE

DEAR COLOR SENSITIVE: In order for us to tackle what are commonly called "microaggressions" around race, we have to find ways to speak openly about small incidents without becoming too heated. It sounds like your colleague truly was trying to say something nice to you. Unfortunately, he stepped into a hornet's nest when he attached a value to a shade of brown.

You can double back to him and say you want to discuss a sensitive matter. Remind him of what he said. Tell him it was fine to say he thought you and the other woman were attractive. What was off was to assign value to your skin tone, especially because you are lighter-skinned.

Historically, light-skinned black people in this country "emerged," so to speak, because of commingling between blacks and whites. In the earliest days of our country, that was often due to rape during slavery. Two distinct groups came to exist during those days. The darker-skinned people typically were given hard labor; the lighter-skinned people (often the children of slaveowners) were given in-house tasks. The division of favor for blacks was often made based on appearance and skin tone.

Obviously, that was generations ago, but there remains a certain unconscious privilege that is afforded to many lighter-skinned black people right now. Your colleague's pointing out your particular beauty based on your lighter tone opened up those wounds of historical discrimination. Educate him. I'm certain he did not mean to be insulting or tone deaf. Use this moment to give him context for your concerns.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter wants me to buy her ice cream or other sweets every day in the summer. I remember when the ice cream truck used to come to my neighborhood when I was a kid. I get that this can be a treat, but I worry about allowing my daughter to consume so much sugar. She is already a bit overweight. I don't want to promote poor eating habits. How can I handle this without making her feel left out of what the other kids are doing? -- FEWER SWEETS

DEAR FEWER SWEETS: Stock your freezer with low-sugar, low-fat sweets that are healthier. Let her know the selection that she can choose from. Steer her away from the ice cream truck or shaved ice stand. Create boundaries around what is acceptable and help her to adhere to them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)