DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who tries to be helpful but ends up being whiny. When I tell her something that I’m working on, she immediately looks to figure out how she can be of help. That is generous of her. But the next thing you know, she is blowing up my phone wanting me to stop everything I’m doing to respond to her in that moment. I am busy and can’t always do that, plus her manner is really annoying. How can I change my attitude to be more open to my friend’s help? Or better yet, how can I get her to chill a bit as she is trying to help me? -- Overwhelmed

DEAR OVERWHELMED: It is wonderful that you have someone in your corner who wants to help you. Be sure to thank her whenever you speak so that she knows you are grateful. From there, tell her that as much as you appreciate her generosity, sometimes you cannot be as responsive as she would like because you are in the midst of handling something else. Suggest that during the times that she is actively helping you with something, you schedule specific times to talk.

Beyond that, don’t be so forthcoming about everything that is going on in your life. Talk to her about things that you think you would like her to respond to in her assertive manner. Otherwise, turn the tables and listen to her talk about her own life. When you are listening, you are revealing less about yourself and creating more space for peace.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who does not view religion the same way I do. I'm accepting of people with different beliefs, but often my friend will openly disrespect my religion. He gets on a tear and starts picking at everything, including how much time I spend going to church and participating in activities beyond Sunday service. He criticizes the drama displayed during the service. (We have an active and lively congregation with jumping, music and lots of interaction.) I know this isn't right, but I wonder if I'm betraying myself and my beliefs by still communicating with him? Should I cut him off for his actions? -- Religious Challenges

DEAR RELIGIOUS CHALLENGES: Talk with your friend and let him know that you are offended by the way he talks about your religious views. Explain to him that you consider yourself to be an open-minded person. You are willing to accept people for who they are and what they believe, even if their beliefs differ from yours -- and you expect the same from him.

Point out specific instances when your friend has been rude or disrespectful about your religious views. Ask him to keep his opinions to himself. If he does not or cannot curb his negativity, then you can decide whether it is time to walk away.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a new job this year, and it has me traveling more than ever. I like it, but it is taking a toll on my husband. He is so dependent upon me, I don’t think he eats when I am away. I do my best to make food for him that he can warm up, but sometimes I just can’t do it. My schedule is full, and I find it challenging to do everything. My husband does know how to cook, but he doesn’t like to.

I don’t want my job to disrupt my marriage, but I do need him to chip in a bit. Before I took this job, he had been out of work for more than a year and we needed me to find something. I feel like he resents the fact that I got a job. I’m trying to do what’s right for my family. I need my husband to participate and stop making me feel bad for not being able to do everything. -- Stretched Too Thin

DEAR STRETCHED TOO THIN: It’s time for a family meeting. Check in with your husband to find out how he thinks he is managing since you took this job. Point out the obvious: You are on the road a lot, and you feel it is taking a toll on both of you. Tell him that you cannot do all of the things you used to do for the family and that you need his help. Don’t talk about him not having a job. Instead, paint a picture of today and what the needs are, and invite him to step up. At the same time, give yourself permission to stop trying to do everything. If you don’t cook for him every day, he will eventually remember to take care of himself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I hear about all of the cool things that some of my kids’ friends are doing for summer, I feel like I haven’t done enough for mine. When I was growing up, summer was a time for kids to play with their friends and chill until school. We didn’t go to camp for sports or academics.

These days, if your kids don’t sign up for some of these extracurricular activities, the assumption is that they are poor or that you don’t care about them. I care a lot. I think there is value in not having every second of their lives scheduled. They are doing well in school, and they seem happy -- until they compare themselves to some of the kids who are, in my opinion, oversubscribed.

How can I get my kids to believe that the way they spend their summer is adequate -- especially when I’m beginning to doubt it myself? -- Summertime

DEAR SUMMERTIME: It is dangerous to even try to keep up with the Joneses. There will always be someone out there who is doing more than you or something different than you. Resist the temptation to compare experiences.

At the same time, look around your city for free or affordable extracurricular activities designed for students. Most cities offer enrichment programs at the local museum or community center. Some colleges offer classes for younger students to get a taste of what’s to come. Utilize the library. Get your children to read and talk about the books they are reading. Many students have at least one required summer reading book. Expand the requirement to several over the summer.

You can engage your children to get them a bit more motivated. You can also remind them -- and yourself -- that some downtime in the summer is valuable as a respite before the school year starts up again.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like such a loser. I had a great career earlier in my life, but I lost my job almost 10 years ago. Since then, I have had small projects here and there, but nothing has stuck. Now I’m approaching my 60s, and I have nothing to show for it. At this rate, I will never be able to retire. I feel like such an idiot. I have met people with no education and with menial jobs who have saved way more than I have and who are set for their twilight years. I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s too late for me, but I have to figure out something. -- Sad and Broke

DEAR SAD AND BROKE: Stop comparing yourself to other people. That will not help you. You can silently thank the people whose examples you see for showing you that it is possible to build a life and save even when they don’t have a high-paying job. This is proof that it’s not too late for you. Look around at all of the jobs in your area, including those well beyond your current area of expertise. What “menial” jobs pay fairly well that you believe you can do? Apply for those in the midst of other things. To be successful in your search, you have to genuinely value any job that you apply for. You have to be ready to defend your reasoning for why you should be hired, and go for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gained quite a bit of weight in the past year. I realized it when I looked in the mirror in a dressing room and saw myself from behind. I knew I had gained some, but I didn’t recognize the woman I saw in the reflection. My doctor warned me more than a year ago that I had to do something about my weight or I was going to start having health problems. I have started and stopped exercising a few times, but nothing has stuck. I haven’t gained enough to go away to one of those diet ranches, but I definitely need to do something. How do you get started when it feels so overwhelming? I think I need to lose more than 50 pounds. Is that even possible? I have seen commercials that say it is, but I have never met anybody who has done it. What do you think? -- Need To Go Down

DEAR NEED TO GO DOWN: Go back to your doctor and get another physical. Find out what your health status is and whether you have any challenges that are already affecting your body. Ask for permission to exercise. When you have it, consider getting a trainer who can help you to build an exercise plan that will help you to burn a significant amount of fat.

Ask your doctor for a referral to a nutritionist who can help you to design an eating plan that is low in calories but that is still healthy and not too extreme. Throw out fatty foods and unhealthy snacks. Start wearing clothing that doesn’t stretch so that you can feel if something is getting too tight. Commit each day to your health and well-being. Over time, you will begin to see the change you so desire and deserve.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)