DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a new job this year, and it has me traveling more than ever. I like it, but it is taking a toll on my husband. He is so dependent upon me, I don’t think he eats when I am away. I do my best to make food for him that he can warm up, but sometimes I just can’t do it. My schedule is full, and I find it challenging to do everything. My husband does know how to cook, but he doesn’t like to.

I don’t want my job to disrupt my marriage, but I do need him to chip in a bit. Before I took this job, he had been out of work for more than a year and we needed me to find something. I feel like he resents the fact that I got a job. I’m trying to do what’s right for my family. I need my husband to participate and stop making me feel bad for not being able to do everything. -- Stretched Too Thin

DEAR STRETCHED TOO THIN: It’s time for a family meeting. Check in with your husband to find out how he thinks he is managing since you took this job. Point out the obvious: You are on the road a lot, and you feel it is taking a toll on both of you. Tell him that you cannot do all of the things you used to do for the family and that you need his help. Don’t talk about him not having a job. Instead, paint a picture of today and what the needs are, and invite him to step up. At the same time, give yourself permission to stop trying to do everything. If you don’t cook for him every day, he will eventually remember to take care of himself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I hear about all of the cool things that some of my kids’ friends are doing for summer, I feel like I haven’t done enough for mine. When I was growing up, summer was a time for kids to play with their friends and chill until school. We didn’t go to camp for sports or academics.

These days, if your kids don’t sign up for some of these extracurricular activities, the assumption is that they are poor or that you don’t care about them. I care a lot. I think there is value in not having every second of their lives scheduled. They are doing well in school, and they seem happy -- until they compare themselves to some of the kids who are, in my opinion, oversubscribed.

How can I get my kids to believe that the way they spend their summer is adequate -- especially when I’m beginning to doubt it myself? -- Summertime

DEAR SUMMERTIME: It is dangerous to even try to keep up with the Joneses. There will always be someone out there who is doing more than you or something different than you. Resist the temptation to compare experiences.

At the same time, look around your city for free or affordable extracurricular activities designed for students. Most cities offer enrichment programs at the local museum or community center. Some colleges offer classes for younger students to get a taste of what’s to come. Utilize the library. Get your children to read and talk about the books they are reading. Many students have at least one required summer reading book. Expand the requirement to several over the summer.

You can engage your children to get them a bit more motivated. You can also remind them -- and yourself -- that some downtime in the summer is valuable as a respite before the school year starts up again.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like such a loser. I had a great career earlier in my life, but I lost my job almost 10 years ago. Since then, I have had small projects here and there, but nothing has stuck. Now I’m approaching my 60s, and I have nothing to show for it. At this rate, I will never be able to retire. I feel like such an idiot. I have met people with no education and with menial jobs who have saved way more than I have and who are set for their twilight years. I don’t know what to do. I feel like it’s too late for me, but I have to figure out something. -- Sad and Broke

DEAR SAD AND BROKE: Stop comparing yourself to other people. That will not help you. You can silently thank the people whose examples you see for showing you that it is possible to build a life and save even when they don’t have a high-paying job. This is proof that it’s not too late for you. Look around at all of the jobs in your area, including those well beyond your current area of expertise. What “menial” jobs pay fairly well that you believe you can do? Apply for those in the midst of other things. To be successful in your search, you have to genuinely value any job that you apply for. You have to be ready to defend your reasoning for why you should be hired, and go for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gained quite a bit of weight in the past year. I realized it when I looked in the mirror in a dressing room and saw myself from behind. I knew I had gained some, but I didn’t recognize the woman I saw in the reflection. My doctor warned me more than a year ago that I had to do something about my weight or I was going to start having health problems. I have started and stopped exercising a few times, but nothing has stuck. I haven’t gained enough to go away to one of those diet ranches, but I definitely need to do something. How do you get started when it feels so overwhelming? I think I need to lose more than 50 pounds. Is that even possible? I have seen commercials that say it is, but I have never met anybody who has done it. What do you think? -- Need To Go Down

DEAR NEED TO GO DOWN: Go back to your doctor and get another physical. Find out what your health status is and whether you have any challenges that are already affecting your body. Ask for permission to exercise. When you have it, consider getting a trainer who can help you to build an exercise plan that will help you to burn a significant amount of fat.

Ask your doctor for a referral to a nutritionist who can help you to design an eating plan that is low in calories but that is still healthy and not too extreme. Throw out fatty foods and unhealthy snacks. Start wearing clothing that doesn’t stretch so that you can feel if something is getting too tight. Commit each day to your health and well-being. Over time, you will begin to see the change you so desire and deserve.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having trouble managing my sleep schedule, and I have a real issue with staying up late, sometimes when I have work in the morning, and sometimes when I just want to watch more television. When I don’t sleep enough, I wake up exhausted and grouchy. I work in a coffee shop, so often I have to get up early.

Today at work, one of my regular customers asked me how I was doing, and I gave an honest response: I was tired. We talk all the time, so it was fine that I told her the truth, but other customers gave me looks that said they couldn’t care less and I need to be on my job and get them their coffee. I know how little time people have in the morning for their coffee before work. I can’t afford to flake out with my customers. My boss has made it clear that the morning rush is the most important time of the workday for us to be on top of things. What measures should I take to better myself? -- Sleepless Night

DEAR SLEEPLESS NIGHT: It is time to get your priorities straight. Right now you are allowing distractions to derail your future. You know that you cannot effectively stay up all night watching TV or doing anything else when you need enough rest to function in the morning. Face the facts. Tell yourself that you will go to sleep at a particular time. Set an alarm 15 minutes before your bedtime. Then set alarms for when you must get up. Give yourself time to awaken fully, eat, get ready and get to work a few minutes early. Train your brain to support your needs. That’s when it works.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lie compulsively about how busy I am, and I suspect it is a product of my depression and anxiety. Usually I decide to lie as a way to get out of possible time commitments in favor of alone time or even getting ahead on my work. Although I know having alone time is important, I think I should get out of the habit of lying like this. How do you think I should I approach this issue? -- Why Lie?

DEAR WHY LIE?: If you think this is possibly happening because of depression or anxiety, schedule an appointment with a mental health professional who can give you tools and possibly medication to help balance out your system so that you can begin to think more confidently.

In addition to professional help, start thinking things all the way through before you open your mouth. If someone asks you to do something or to share information, play the entire scene out in your head. What could the outcomes be if you tell the truth or if you tell a lie? What would happen if you say nothing at all? Evaluate each answer to get an assessment of what the best answer will be. Nine times out of 10, it is best to resist committing to sharing information that may be inaccurate or agreeing to do something that you know you have no interest or intention of doing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)