DEAR HARRIETTE: I work for a woman who can be extraordinarily difficult. It’s so bad that I break into a cold sweat before scheduled calls with her. I’m constantly worried that I will not measure up to her expectations. My boss is rude and condescending usually, though other times she acts like an angel. I never know which person I’m going to get. I need this job, so I don’t want to walk away from her, but I am growing weary of feeling like I have to be on guard. What can I do to stop letting her get under my skin? -- Time to Relax

DEAR TIME TO RELAX: I had an aunt who was completely no-nonsense. When I was little, she told me that one of the torture tactics used during World War II was the taunting of prisoners by their captors with anything that made them feel vulnerable. She told me that I should never let people see me upset or nervous, because then they have an advantage over me.

While my aunt’s advice may seem harsh, I have used her words from time to time. I consider myself to be both sensitive and practical. When I have had to work with people who are rude or dismissive, I do my best to remember that it is not personal -- usually the issue lies with the other person and not with me. Moreover, I make sure that I am fully prepared. I work to figure out all of the possible ways that I can be ready for engagement with my difficult client. When I do that, I am able to draw upon factual information rather than trip over errors on my part or undue criticism on hers.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Occasionally, I work with a guy on a project that puts us in close proximity. He is very nice and does a good job, but he has horrible B.O. I’m not exaggerating. I got in his car today, and while it is tidy, it smells like his B.O., too. I do not think that he bathes every day.

I think my co-worker is a former hippie. He is in his mid-60s, and I bet he learned that you shouldn’t waste water by bathing daily. Whatever the case, I have a strong sense of smell, and I gag most times I am near him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m not sure what to do. I think this is essentially a cultural difference between us. He’s already in his 60s. I doubt that he would start practicing different hygiene if I tell him he stinks. What can I do? -- Funky Co-Worker

DEAR FUNKY CO-WORKER: Sadly, I think you are right. You will likely create awkwardness without the desired results if you approach him about his body odor. Instead, consider any of the following: wearing lemon oil on your pulse points that will warm up when you blood starts flowing faster and help cleanse the air; sucking on a mentholated lozenge that will release a strong menthol smell that may mask the odor; bringing a cleansing room spray to clear the air in your work space; or opening the window in the car.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a freelance producer, and I have struggled a lot with finding enough work. This year has been different. I have had quite a few small jobs, and I am grateful for them. The problem is that it is hard to keep track of small projects when they overlap. I scheduled a short vacation this summer, but then I got a gig and had to do the prep work during my vacation. My boyfriend was mad because he took off work from his 9-to-5 and expected me to do the same. I wanted to, but I worry about turning down work when I remember so well that a year ago I had none. How do I manage this new reality? -- Freelancer Blues

DEAR FREELANCER BLUES: If you intend to remain a freelance producer, it is in your best interest to make it clear to your boyfriend how your schedule works. While it may be possible for you to take time off completely, it is not wrong for you to stay on-call during vacation when you are just coming out of a work drought. Talk to him about the realities of time management when you work for yourself and are beholden to a variety of clients. Make sure he is comfortable with your work style, and you with his. Otherwise, your relationship is destined for ongoing conflict.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father has been dead for about 10 years. My mother was inconsolable for a long time, but recently she met a nice man who has been paying a lot of attention to her. They go out to dinner, and he comes over to visit. It seems really sweet to me. My siblings worry that he is trying to steal my mother’s money, but she really doesn’t have much money outside of my father’s Social Security check and pension. If she gets married, I’m pretty sure she loses all of that. So she knows she won’t be marrying for money. How can I convince the others that she is OK? -- Mom Is Dating

DEAR MOM IS DATING: Give your mother some breathing room to enjoy this man’s company. If you feel like you need to check in, start with her. Ask her what she thinks his intentions are and if she is worried at all about him wanting to take her money. Express your thoughts to her so that she can review them herself.

She should talk to this man about his intentions and his finances. It works only when both parties are open to the discussion. She should exercise a fair amount of discretion as she gets to know this man. But know that it is your mother’s prerogative to spend her money however she chooses. If she uses your father’s pension and social security to enjoy her life with this man or if she loses them upon marriage, so be it. If you or your siblings were counting on any of that money yourselves, you will have to make peace with the shift also.

Talk to your siblings and work with them to accept your mother as a mature adult who is making her own decisions. Of course, be there for her if you ever feel that she is being manipulated.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I suffer from allergies in a severe manner. I am allergic to everything from food to bugs to dust to flowers. The summer season is tough for me.

I try to downplay my allergies, but I’m not sure what to do. For the second time, my friend has invited me to stay at her summer home in the woods in a very buggy location. Last year, my family and I went. We had a great time, except that I was always on EpiPen alert, and I got a million mosquito and other bug bites, and my whole body was inflamed. I do not think it is wise for me to go back, so I declined the invitation. Now my whole group of friends is mad at me. They are calling me a diva and all kinds of names, when actually I’m just trying to protect myself. How can I make it clear that I am happy to hang out with them, just not there? -- Allergic Friend

DEAR ALLERGIC FRIEND: Your health is more important than making your friends feel good. If they don’t get that, there are two possibilities to blame: 1. You have downplayed your health issues so much that they don’t realize it’s serious, or 2. They are selfish and really don’t care. Either reason is bad. You have to make it clear to them that you want to be there with them but you need a location to sleep that is less dangerous for your overall well-being. See if anyone would share a hotel room with you. In this way you stay in the loop and go to what you can but sleep in relative safety.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that a close family friend’s son came out as gay. I was happy that they trusted me enough to tell me. Now I wonder what I should do with this information. I am a gay man. Obviously, I am not interested in this teenage boy, but I do know a lot about the scene. More, I know about dealing with family after they learn that you are gay. Should I offer to be in contact with him? If so, should I reach out to him personally, or just talk to the parents? How should I ultimately address any rapport that develops between me and this young man with his parents, since they told me about his situation in the first place? -- Gay Living

DEAR GAY LIVING: Tell the parents that you would like their blessing to develop a rapport with their son. You know a lot about living as a gay man, and you would like to be there to support him. Make it clear that you will not be a spy. Instead, speak in generalities. You may tell them about the fact that you are becoming friends and that you talk about his life, but you will not serve as a go-between. Promise to be a sounding board and a moral compass for this young man. Then give reports when needed about his general development. Encourage him to talk to his parents directly about his choices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)