DEAR HARRIETTE: I am unable to express my thoughts during meetings due to my anxiety and fear of speaking out of turn to my superiors. Throughout my life I’ve had difficulty properly expressing my thoughts when I speak, whether it be due to nerves or stumbling on my words. What are some ways I can shed this fear and anxiety and be comfortable to speak in meetings? -- Anxious Newbie

DEAR ANXIOUS NEWBIE: Preparation is key. Spend time thinking about and preparing bullet points of what you intend to share with your superiors. Do enough research so that you feel completely comfortable with the content of the conversation. Then map it out so that you are clear about what needs to be shared. Practice so that you can know what it feels like to express yourself with confidence while delivering your message. The more you practice, the easier the situation will become. Your goal is to be able to breathe comfortably and simply talk to anyone, including your boss, with ease because you are prepared with whatever information you need in order to have a successful encounter.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Throughout my childhood, I was always easily distracted, and I suspect I have a mild case of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. I’ve been using ADHD medication that I’ve received from my friends, and it is extremely effective and useful to prevent me from getting distracted. I am not sure if my use of these medications -- such as Dexedrine and Adderall -- is drug abuse, or if it is something I should have been using in the first place.

I am planning on visiting my doctor in the hopes of getting diagnosed properly; however, I’m not sure if I want to tell him about my experience with medication. Taking it drastically improves my ability to get work done and benefits my career prospects as a whole, and I don’t want him to take it away. Do you think I should tell him this? -- Possible Adult ADHD

DEAR POSSIBLE ADULT ADHD: Thank you for sharing this private side of your life. It takes a lot to speak up when the stakes feel high. You may have ADHD, or you may have something else. It is smart for you to get properly diagnosed under a medical doctor’s care. Yes, you should tell your doctor what you have been ingesting, the quantity, dosage, etc. This information is critical to an accurate diagnosis on the doctor’s part.

Talk about yourself, your concerns, your goals, your challenges and your triumphs. Explain how your behavior changes with the use of the medication. Answer your doctor's questions honestly so that you can receive the most accurate diagnosis. Then, listen to whatever the doctor says, and do your best to heed the advice given. Give the medical professional’s diagnosis a chance -- no matter what it is.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When my husband starts enjoying himself at a party, he tends to drink too much, and he gets obnoxious. It can be pretty embarrassing. I don’t know what to say to him to get him to calm down. Once he has passed a certain point, there’s no turning back. How can I encourage him to be more moderate in his public drinking? I want to have fun with him, but it often turns ugly. -- Ugly Drunk

DEAR UGLY DRUNK: You need to talk to your husband when the two of you are together, alone and sober. Get his full attention, and suggest that if either of you is ever heading toward intoxication or uncontrolled behavior, you have permission to alert the other before things go downhill. Including yourself will help your husband not to feel overly defensive.

If he refuses to accept that his behavior is ever inappropriate, share specific incidents and what happened so that he can better understand the conduct that you are describing. If he is totally unwilling to see his role in the situation, film him next time so that you can show him what he does in the moment. Hopefully, the cold-water-in-the-face reality of a video might wake him up to his bad behavior.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter invited a friend to spend a week with her at our summer house, but things got uncomfortable after a few days. I think it was too much togetherness for two young ladies who aren’t really close.

My daughter, who is an only child, invited this girl because she is part of her friend group -- but also because her closer friends couldn’t come. It all worked out OK, but there were definitely some tense moments. Do you have any advice for what to do to occupy an only child’s attention when her best friends are not available? -- Alone or Not

DEAR ALONE OR NOT: Talk with your only child about how long she thinks she can be comfortable with anyone -- especially someone who is not so close to her -- one-on-one. Ask her to think of how she might handle this situation differently in the future. She needs to take ownership for what occurred because she wanted to have a friend along.

Talk it out with her. If a trip is long, should she have a friend for a while and spend the other part of the time just with her parents? As an only child, she probably enjoys alone time. When she doesn’t have it, she can feel claustrophobic. You may also recommend that she create alone moments even when friends are with her. It is OK to have quiet time when you are entertaining people over an extended period. If she can learn to claim her space, she will be able to enjoy close or peripheral friends and still have her peace of mind.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I went to visit good friends we hadn’t seen in a year. We'd heard that the husband wasn’t feeling well, but I assumed he had a cold or something. When we saw him, we were shocked. He has lost a ton of weight, and he looks frail. We were as loving as always, but it shook us to our core. We don’t quite know what to do to support them during what is obviously a difficult time.

His wife told us that they are waiting to take tests and see what’s going on, so she acknowledged that something is wrong. I have seen the look that he has in his eyes before: My friend who looked like that eventually learned that she had cancer and died a few weeks later. Should I say what I think? How can we be of help right now? -- Friend in Need

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Keep your stories to yourself. You do not know what’s wrong with your friend, and even if you did, it would not be helpful for you to say.

They have to go through this cycle of life together. If he leaves the world soon, your role will be to support his wife in every way possible. For now, your support can be to let her know that if she needs anything, you are there to help her. Be specific with your availability. Just offering may be something she will appreciate.

Often when people are facing their mortality, time stands still, and they don’t know what to do. Stay present and in touch with your friends. Make it clear that you don’t need to ask questions; you just want to help. Chances are, they will need it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am debating whether I should move to another state. My life feels stagnant. I haven’t been able to find a job since I graduated from college almost two years ago. I live in a big market that is highly competitive. The new city I'm considering is much more low-key, and I hear that they have way fewer college grads. My family is recommending that I get a fresh start.

I am scared of change, but I feel it could be a good next step for me. I have family in the new state, but I know it won't be the same or easy to adapt. How can I best decide if this would be the right choice for me? -- Time for a Change

DEAR TIME FOR A CHANGE: If you have family in another area who are willing to take you in and support you as you look for work, this may be a good idea for you. Talk to them about job opportunities in their area. Do extensive research on the job market before you move. Know that a smaller market could be beneficial to you, but you have to be ready and motivated to search for a job. Changing environments will work only if you work it. Make the decisions with your eyes wide open.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)