DEAR HARRIETTE: When my husband starts enjoying himself at a party, he tends to drink too much, and he gets obnoxious. It can be pretty embarrassing. I don’t know what to say to him to get him to calm down. Once he has passed a certain point, there’s no turning back. How can I encourage him to be more moderate in his public drinking? I want to have fun with him, but it often turns ugly. -- Ugly Drunk

DEAR UGLY DRUNK: You need to talk to your husband when the two of you are together, alone and sober. Get his full attention, and suggest that if either of you is ever heading toward intoxication or uncontrolled behavior, you have permission to alert the other before things go downhill. Including yourself will help your husband not to feel overly defensive.

If he refuses to accept that his behavior is ever inappropriate, share specific incidents and what happened so that he can better understand the conduct that you are describing. If he is totally unwilling to see his role in the situation, film him next time so that you can show him what he does in the moment. Hopefully, the cold-water-in-the-face reality of a video might wake him up to his bad behavior.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter invited a friend to spend a week with her at our summer house, but things got uncomfortable after a few days. I think it was too much togetherness for two young ladies who aren’t really close.

My daughter, who is an only child, invited this girl because she is part of her friend group -- but also because her closer friends couldn’t come. It all worked out OK, but there were definitely some tense moments. Do you have any advice for what to do to occupy an only child’s attention when her best friends are not available? -- Alone or Not

DEAR ALONE OR NOT: Talk with your only child about how long she thinks she can be comfortable with anyone -- especially someone who is not so close to her -- one-on-one. Ask her to think of how she might handle this situation differently in the future. She needs to take ownership for what occurred because she wanted to have a friend along.

Talk it out with her. If a trip is long, should she have a friend for a while and spend the other part of the time just with her parents? As an only child, she probably enjoys alone time. When she doesn’t have it, she can feel claustrophobic. You may also recommend that she create alone moments even when friends are with her. It is OK to have quiet time when you are entertaining people over an extended period. If she can learn to claim her space, she will be able to enjoy close or peripheral friends and still have her peace of mind.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I went to visit good friends we hadn’t seen in a year. We'd heard that the husband wasn’t feeling well, but I assumed he had a cold or something. When we saw him, we were shocked. He has lost a ton of weight, and he looks frail. We were as loving as always, but it shook us to our core. We don’t quite know what to do to support them during what is obviously a difficult time.

His wife told us that they are waiting to take tests and see what’s going on, so she acknowledged that something is wrong. I have seen the look that he has in his eyes before: My friend who looked like that eventually learned that she had cancer and died a few weeks later. Should I say what I think? How can we be of help right now? -- Friend in Need

DEAR FRIEND IN NEED: Keep your stories to yourself. You do not know what’s wrong with your friend, and even if you did, it would not be helpful for you to say.

They have to go through this cycle of life together. If he leaves the world soon, your role will be to support his wife in every way possible. For now, your support can be to let her know that if she needs anything, you are there to help her. Be specific with your availability. Just offering may be something she will appreciate.

Often when people are facing their mortality, time stands still, and they don’t know what to do. Stay present and in touch with your friends. Make it clear that you don’t need to ask questions; you just want to help. Chances are, they will need it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am debating whether I should move to another state. My life feels stagnant. I haven’t been able to find a job since I graduated from college almost two years ago. I live in a big market that is highly competitive. The new city I'm considering is much more low-key, and I hear that they have way fewer college grads. My family is recommending that I get a fresh start.

I am scared of change, but I feel it could be a good next step for me. I have family in the new state, but I know it won't be the same or easy to adapt. How can I best decide if this would be the right choice for me? -- Time for a Change

DEAR TIME FOR A CHANGE: If you have family in another area who are willing to take you in and support you as you look for work, this may be a good idea for you. Talk to them about job opportunities in their area. Do extensive research on the job market before you move. Know that a smaller market could be beneficial to you, but you have to be ready and motivated to search for a job. Changing environments will work only if you work it. Make the decisions with your eyes wide open.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is hypercritical of everything I do. I normally cook for three people, because that’s what makes up our household. We recently had a guest to stay with us for a few days, so I had to cook for four. One day I cooked a little bit too much spinach, and you would have thought I had committed a crime. He criticized me in front of everyone for getting the portions wrong and for wasting food. When I asked him if he liked his dinner, he accused me of being too sensitive and of always making everything about me. I wanted to throw the spinach in his face. Why couldn’t he be thankful that I cooked a meal that everyone enjoyed and that we didn’t run out? I had one extra helping of food, and he nearly bit my head off. How can I stop such insulting behavior from him? -- Enough Already

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: Stop engaging him when he is in a mood like this. It will be hard for him to keep going if you don’t respond. Your husband may be worried about being wasteful or about saving money. He may also be mad at you about something completely unrelated. Don’t get caught up in whatever it is.

If possible, stand up and walk away when he goes in on you in hypercritical ways that seem out of proportion to the moment. Let things cool down and then reconnect. Beyond that, decide if you have the stomach to take his insults. You should weigh how frequent and egregious they are to decide what you can handle. Consider therapy as a way to get to the bottom of why he is behaving this way.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I learned from an old friend from my hometown that my high school boyfriend still holds a flame for me. We dated 40 years ago; I have definitely moved on. I have a family -- a husband and children.

I am planning on visiting home this summer, and I want to get together with old friends. I thought to invite him, but I don’t want to stir up old emotions. How should I handle this? He is a nice guy who treated me well, but that was a thousand years ago. How do I talk to him now? -- Past Love

DEAR PAST LOVE: If you are willing and able to do this, it would be kind to have coffee with him independent of the other friends. Check in with him to see how he’s doing. Find out about his life. Let him know how grateful you are for the friendship you two had when you were young, and tell him about your life today. Make it clear that you are happy and content.

If he seems calm and rational, invite him to your group gathering. Just make sure your husband knows who this man is and what your history is so that there are no surprises.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)