DEAR HARRIETTE: When my husband starts enjoying himself at a party, he tends to drink too much, and he gets obnoxious. It can be pretty embarrassing. I don’t know what to say to him to get him to calm down. Once he has passed a certain point, there’s no turning back. How can I encourage him to be more moderate in his public drinking? I want to have fun with him, but it often turns ugly. -- Ugly Drunk
DEAR UGLY DRUNK: You need to talk to your husband when the two of you are together, alone and sober. Get his full attention, and suggest that if either of you is ever heading toward intoxication or uncontrolled behavior, you have permission to alert the other before things go downhill. Including yourself will help your husband not to feel overly defensive.
If he refuses to accept that his behavior is ever inappropriate, share specific incidents and what happened so that he can better understand the conduct that you are describing. If he is totally unwilling to see his role in the situation, film him next time so that you can show him what he does in the moment. Hopefully, the cold-water-in-the-face reality of a video might wake him up to his bad behavior.